strawberry snort face

So, there I was getting a facial from Ute (pronouced OOO - tah, don't you LOVE that?). She is the best facialist in the world and we are great pals. She's from Germany and once worked on top of a mountain where the only way down was a tram and skiers used to come up and she would serve them beers.

Anyway, she uses a lot of natural products on my face, and, as it was the beginning of strawberry season, she had made a mask out of strawberries, egg whites, and fuck knows what else was in there. Normally the crap she puts on my face smells rancid or minty, so this was quite a treat.

It was also Ute's last day at the salon because the owner was an obstreporous little fuck and was messing with my Ute. So as she was putting on the mask she was sniffling a bit. She had worked at the salon for a long time (7 years) and was sad to be leaving.

So I'm laying there in a relaxed state getting gloop plastered all over my face and the conversation is going something like "blah blah blah so sad blah blah missing all my friends" when she started to coat my upper lip with the mask. I got a very strong and pungent scent of strawberries so I involuntarily took a deep breath to smell it even more.

Unbeknownst to me, there were globs of not quite ground up strawberries in the facial, and when I took a deep breath I dislodged one of these globs from my upper lip and it proceeded to fly in an almost supernaturally speedy way up my nose. Then my sinuses started burning as if I had snorted acid.

THINK you FOOL, THINK!!!! I commanded myself. How to get the strawberry out of my nose without messing up my facial or distracting Ute, who was now in perfect storm crying mode. My brain of course, just sat there going uuuummmmm, duh, hmmmmmm like it always does.
Tears welled up in my eyes and started running down my face. Oh you poor thing Ute said. I've made you upset now too. Yes I responded, realizing that I was not going to be able to act quickly and that the mask coating the strawberry glob that I had inadvertently sniffed was fast hardening in my sinuses.

I ended up sitting there for another hour with the strawberry up my nose. After my facial I went into the bathroom and tried to blow it out but it was wedged firmly in place by the cement-hardened mask. When I got home I steamed my sinuses and the strawberry began moving a bit when I blew my nose. By the next day, when I took a shower, the strawberry more or less came completely out and I was able to breathe out of that side of my nose again, although my nose bled for a week afterwards and, 3 months later, still doesn't feel right.

Does this stuff only happen to me? For fuck's sake...