San Jose Sharks Hockey Game (playoffs 2001)

Last night was the third game in the playoff series for the San Jose Sharks. They were playing the St. Louis Blues. I attended the game with Grant. My boss Julianne was kind enough to give me the tickets.

This playoff game was important for two reasons. The first is that if the Sharks lost they would be out of the playoffs. More importantly, though, it was my first professional hockey game. Professional hockey differs from the college hockey games I've been to in a number of ways, the most obvious being: 1. there is only one puck in play during a professional game 2. the players don't vomit when they get hit 3. there were no cheerleaders serving beer to the players who were sitting in their little resting box .

When we arrived at the game I realized immediately that this was a much different crowd than the people who go to ballet. A lot of people were painted green. This is because the team color of the sharks is teal and most men are color blind and think teal is the same thing as green. We forked over our life savings for two beers (am I really old or does anyone else remember a time that you could buy a whole six pack of Budweiser for $6 instead of just getting one 12 ounce bottle for that price?) and entered the stadium.

You can tell the game is starting because a smoking shark head lowers from the ceiling. It has flashing red eyes. Although an incorrect depiction of a shark I immediately realized that a hockey game is no place for a lesson in marine biology and I didn't say a word as the players skated out of the shark mouth.

As the game got underway I made a startling discovery. Contrary to my assumptions, you don't have to be a good skater to play hockey. If you want to stop you run into the rink wall. If you want to turn you run into the wall. Sometimes, if there's no wall, you just run into other players. Also, you can smash people into the wall if you want. People get smashed into the wall for being on the other team. If you score a goal your own team smashes you into the wall. And you can hit other players with your stick as long as you are standing behind the referee. Occasionally, while your team mate is waiting for the ref to drop the puck you poke him (the team mate) in the butt with your stick (this is for good luck?).

There were a number of unintelligent people sitting around me at the game. These are actual quotes: wife: This is a great game. No penalties. They are playing very clean hockey. husband: Shut up. (yells to the rink) Smash him into the wall!!!! drunk guy behind me: "Win one for the kipper!" drunk guy behind and to the right of me: "Hey screwy, go back to St. Louie!"

Grant attempted to explain what was going on. Hockey is a very fast, complicated game. Here are some of his better explanations: "What just happened was really bad." "I don't think they are supposed to do that because it's bad." "The ref is making him leave the game because he's a bad man." "If the other team is trying to score on your team that's bad."

Unfortunately, the last 8 seconds of the first period, St. Louis scored a goal. There was a near riot in the stadium. Some kind of argument ensued over whether or not the puck actually went in. I didn't really follow what was going on but I figured it was bad for the Sharks.

After the first period was over (leave it to a guy's wishful thinking that a period only lasts 20 minutes) there was a 20 minute rest time. During this time a guy came out and played an organ with bouncing balls. The guy next to Grant got very excited. He told us the Sharks always play better after the bouncing ball organ playing guy. Then this Shark man started launching t-shirts into the crowd. I had considered myself safe from flying pucks as our seats were not on the rink. I didn't realize they would be throwing vacuum sealed shirt grenades. I cowered down in my seat until the shirts stopped flying around.

The second period moved slower than the first, although the Sharks scored two goals, which was good. Every few seconds the ref was picking up the puck and moving it around on the ice. Sometimes a guy would get all smashed up and nothing would happen. Other times the smasher had to go sit down for a while. When that happens it's called a power play. The way you know a power play is going on is that everyone is chopping their hands up and down like a shark biting the air.

Nothing much happened during the rest time after the second period, except that there were some guys driving around on zambonis and the crowd was singing the "I Love Hockey" song that's about this guy from Canada who loves hockey. The third period everyone looked kind of tired. Some of the hockey players were even falling down on the ice. The Sharks scored another goal, which was the coolest goal because it was a line drive right at the goalie. The goalie seems to be the best position. You get to wear these huge gloves and a bunch of other complicated padding. Normally you stand in front of the net looking very laid back. If someone shoots the puck to you, you can pick it up and throw it. The goalie is the only one wearing gloves so he's the only one who can pick up the puck. Also, if the puck gets close to him he can lay down on it so no one can hit it. When this happens all the players make a big pile near the net. That's when it's probably bad to be the goalie because they land on him or hit him with their sticks.

Three minutes into the third period something really strange happened. Everyone started screaming "Barry Bonds!" As it turns out, Barry Bonds is not a hockey player and he wasn't even playing in the game. You can tell a hockey player by the last name, which usually has 14 letters, only two of which are vowels. The best players have names that end in "vek" or have names that aren't pronounced the way they are spelled (e.g. Ricci, which looks like "Ricky" is actually pronounced "Rishy" or "Reeshee").

Then, with 5 minutes left in the game, the St. Louis goalie decided to leave. This happens when you decide to sacrifice your goalie to get another player. This is different from a power play, but I'm not sure how unless it's the addition of one player instead of the subtraction of a player from the other team. But a power play can still occur so the extra guy that you have in place of the goalie has to go sit down. Then you're right back where you started before, except now you don't have a goalie, which is bad. Personally, I think they should always keep the goalie in because he has the best costume.

I later found out Barry is a baseball player and he hit 500 home runs. Why they decided to bring that up during the hockey game, I'm not sure. But one thing I am sure about is hockey is a confusing and complicated game. I don't think anyone really understands the rules. The best thing to do is just drink a lot of beer and have a good time.

Thanks again Julianne!!!!!!!!!!