On Friday, for the first time in like 10 years, I was seated next to a hot guy on the flight from Burbank to Denver. More importantly, the hot guy wanted to talk to me.
When I first sat down he said "I noticed you in the waiting area. Is that a fake cigarette you're smoking? That's so cool." I normally don't talk to people on planes but he had really nice eyes, so we chatted about what we were doing in Burbank (he's a journalist who covered the war in Iraq embedded with troops, now he's making a documentary about drug cartels in California, and he was once robbed at gun point in Pakistan in the mid 90s) and why we were going to Denver (his family has a house in Aspen and he was visiting them for the weekend, catching his flight to Aspen from Denver). He was also carrying a copy of the latest new yorker.
A guy right up my alley, right? But, even when he was asking me if I was single, if I had kids, if I found it a struggle to have a relationship with my schedule, I just fired off answers like I was on a job interview. I told him about Paradox Sports and he said "I have a friend who just did a documentary on wounded war vets. If they need some publicity I can put them in touch with someone if you give me your contact info." But I didn't want him to think I was trying to use him for his contacts so I said "Oh, that's okay. I don't want to trouble you."
Our flight was delayed due to mechanical problems and he was worried he would miss his flight to Aspen. He said "I guess if I miss it I'll have to hang around Denver this evening" and I was like "at least it's a fun town", totally missing the hint. And when the plane landed he didn't seem to be in a rush, so I was rushing him along (I have this thing about missing flights) to make sure he got to his plane (when we landed he was like "I'll never make it" and I was like "no, the gate's just right down the hall, you'll make it!").
We said goodbye and went our separate ways. It was only when I got to the elevator to the parking lot that I realized that he was flirting with me. I am SUCH a FUCKING MORON.
It's time to get my game back on. I can't believe I met a cool guy that is like me and that reads the new yorker and was a war correspondent (weirdly that's kind of a dream job for me) and I totally fucked it up because I'm a fuck wit idiot with no social skills.
Someone kick me in the ass, please.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
just when you think things can't get worse
I got home late last night and found that my neighbor hadn't flushed the "brown water" (polite way of saying "shit") in the downstairs toilet. I love flushing other people's shit.
The valve is broken so now I'm going to have to call a plumber to fix it. I don't have time to fix it myself. Don't know when I'll do that since it's looking like I'll get no time off before my new job starts and I'm only home saturday for the next three weeks. I'm quitting my job on Tuesday...hope everything goes smoothly with my new job.
Anyway, I was talking to my friend Trina on the phone and looking out my bedroom door (there was a lot of lightning) when my neighbor's tree fell into my yard:
And then my neighbor on the other side (the asshole) came out and started yelling at ME. I was like "dude, that's not even MY tree!" Dick.
The dick who owns the tree said he'll clean it up tomorrow. So I had to go out and saw branches for an hour so I can get out to my garage. The tree ripped out my cable. Good thing I don't have a tv. I have to leave again at 5 am tomorrow for a week long trip. That fucking tree better not be in my yard when I get home.
I hope my new cheyenne mock tree survives. I tried to cut off the tree branches that were crushing it. Both my butterfly bushes got crushed too.
The valve is broken so now I'm going to have to call a plumber to fix it. I don't have time to fix it myself. Don't know when I'll do that since it's looking like I'll get no time off before my new job starts and I'm only home saturday for the next three weeks. I'm quitting my job on Tuesday...hope everything goes smoothly with my new job.
Anyway, I was talking to my friend Trina on the phone and looking out my bedroom door (there was a lot of lightning) when my neighbor's tree fell into my yard:
The dick who owns the tree said he'll clean it up tomorrow. So I had to go out and saw branches for an hour so I can get out to my garage. The tree ripped out my cable. Good thing I don't have a tv. I have to leave again at 5 am tomorrow for a week long trip. That fucking tree better not be in my yard when I get home.
I hope my new cheyenne mock tree survives. I tried to cut off the tree branches that were crushing it. Both my butterfly bushes got crushed too.
 |
| my poor cheyenne mock orange bush |
Thursday, May 31, 2012
color me FUCKING PISSED OFF
Why do I live in a building with a bunch of idiots? Because I can't kill them.
Today the painters were supposed to start painting my building. I sent an email out to everyone with the schedule. My neighbor who was staying at my house said she would give the painter our house colors we picked. I left for Cali Sunday figuring everything was under control.
But of course, nothing goes as planned. The dick who lives next door to me decided he wants to do some brick work on his house. Though he's known FOR TWO MONTHS that painting would start this week he waited until FRIDAY to decide to get estimates. That threw off our schedule by three weeks and I'm not even convinced he's really going to get the work done. Meanwhile, he told the painters, who were doing prep work today, to go home which caused the painter to call me right in the middle of the class I'm teaching. Then dick face sent a bunch of shitty emails to me because apparently he didn't read any of the emails I sent him saying the prep work would start but the painting wouldn't until his brick work is done. My neighbor didn't get a chance to give the painter the colors and the guy on the other side of me didn't bother to answer my email asking him to do it until the painters left.
So I just spent another 45 minutes of my life that I'll never get back trying to straighten the whole mess out.
I'm so glad I'm quitting my job soon. Given the way this engagement is going and the shit with the building getting painted I might have a nervous breakdown. Not one goddamn person in the building is helping, and they are all making the job harder.
Maybe I should move.
Today the painters were supposed to start painting my building. I sent an email out to everyone with the schedule. My neighbor who was staying at my house said she would give the painter our house colors we picked. I left for Cali Sunday figuring everything was under control.
But of course, nothing goes as planned. The dick who lives next door to me decided he wants to do some brick work on his house. Though he's known FOR TWO MONTHS that painting would start this week he waited until FRIDAY to decide to get estimates. That threw off our schedule by three weeks and I'm not even convinced he's really going to get the work done. Meanwhile, he told the painters, who were doing prep work today, to go home which caused the painter to call me right in the middle of the class I'm teaching. Then dick face sent a bunch of shitty emails to me because apparently he didn't read any of the emails I sent him saying the prep work would start but the painting wouldn't until his brick work is done. My neighbor didn't get a chance to give the painter the colors and the guy on the other side of me didn't bother to answer my email asking him to do it until the painters left.
So I just spent another 45 minutes of my life that I'll never get back trying to straighten the whole mess out.
I'm so glad I'm quitting my job soon. Given the way this engagement is going and the shit with the building getting painted I might have a nervous breakdown. Not one goddamn person in the building is helping, and they are all making the job harder.
Maybe I should move.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
please don't break my toilet
No good deed goes unpunished.
I let my neighbor stay in my house because she's in town and her house is rented out and she had nowhere to stay.
First she invited her daughter to stay at my place, meaning when I get home at late o'clock Friday I'll have to change the sheets on my bed.
Then I got this email this morning:
I let my neighbor stay in my house because she's in town and her house is rented out and she had nowhere to stay.
First she invited her daughter to stay at my place, meaning when I get home at late o'clock Friday I'll have to change the sheets on my bed.
Then I got this email this morning:
"The toilet downstairs wouldn't turn off, so I manually turned it off.
But now it won't come back on. Is there a trick to turning
the spigot?
It's got brown water in it now. Sorry. I hope I can get it
properly flushed before leaving."
I sent her an email back and told her to dump water into the toilet to manually flush it. I really don't want to get home to a bathroom smelling like "brown water".
Ech. All I have to do is leave home and shit (hee) breaks.
On the bright side, I got an offer letter from my new company. The down side is I can't move forward until I take a drug test which I was supposed to take yesterday but I'm in the middle of nowhere California and the closest drug testing facility is in Los Angeles and they are only open from 9 - 3:30. Since I'm working all day I can't just leave and drive 4 hours to and from the testing lab. Will likely have to take the test next week in Florida. Hopefully I can talk a colleague with a car into driving me to and from the lab since I won't have a rental car.
Monday, May 28, 2012
the almost perfect man in my life
Today, while driving from Burbank to China Lake (144 miles) for a customer engagement I started thinking about how my GPS and I are finally in that relationship stage where we understand each other (it's only taken 2 years).
Sure, he's not the perfect man. For one thing, he's not even human. But in the past months the dude and I have been through some interesting adventures. When he's with me I don't feel like I'm on the road, by myself, with no one to help me.
As a typical guy, he does yell at me sometimes when I miss an exit or go the wrong way, saying "make a U-turn!" like a billion times a second until I turn around. And he occasionally lies (like when he says "please return to the road" and I'm driving on the road, or when he tells me to turn down a street that doesn't exist). I used to not trust him, and would also print out directions (my dad told me to do this, and it's probably a good idea). But now I just figure between my GPS and I we can figure out how to get from point a to point b. We're finally in that team phase of "performing".
I do play tricks on him, like when I name my destination a bad word so I can hear my GPS, who has a british accent, say "You are arriving at the ass palace*, on the left". It makes me laugh. I also love the way he mispronounces words like boulevard (he says "boo LEE verd").
Yesterday on the way back from hiking with Kevin I was talking about my sister, who is both highly intelligent and attractive. He said "guys don't mind geeks like you, it's the ones that are attractive AND intelligent that we don't trust".
Um, what?
I should figure out how to hack my GPS's software so he says "hello beautiful" every time I, hee, turn him on.
*the name for my company's building
Sure, he's not the perfect man. For one thing, he's not even human. But in the past months the dude and I have been through some interesting adventures. When he's with me I don't feel like I'm on the road, by myself, with no one to help me.
As a typical guy, he does yell at me sometimes when I miss an exit or go the wrong way, saying "make a U-turn!" like a billion times a second until I turn around. And he occasionally lies (like when he says "please return to the road" and I'm driving on the road, or when he tells me to turn down a street that doesn't exist). I used to not trust him, and would also print out directions (my dad told me to do this, and it's probably a good idea). But now I just figure between my GPS and I we can figure out how to get from point a to point b. We're finally in that team phase of "performing".
I do play tricks on him, like when I name my destination a bad word so I can hear my GPS, who has a british accent, say "You are arriving at the ass palace*, on the left". It makes me laugh. I also love the way he mispronounces words like boulevard (he says "boo LEE verd").
Yesterday on the way back from hiking with Kevin I was talking about my sister, who is both highly intelligent and attractive. He said "guys don't mind geeks like you, it's the ones that are attractive AND intelligent that we don't trust".
Um, what?
I should figure out how to hack my GPS's software so he says "hello beautiful" every time I, hee, turn him on.
*the name for my company's building
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