breaking news - broccoli worst food ever!!!!!

Okay, maybe not, but check this out. Is it worth it to be healthy if you're farting all the time? And how about the resulting "awkward beach photos".

#4: WORST SNACK
Broccoli with ranch dressing  (1 cup broccoli and 2 Tbsp dressing)
170 calories
14.5 g fat (2 g saturated)
370 mg sodium
Broccoli, like cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, and cabbage, falls into a class of produce known as cruciferous vegetables. These vegetables are among the most nutrient-dense foods on the planet, and as such, they should be consumed as often as possible. That said, you might want to hold off your day's broccoli until you're off the beach. Cruciferous vegetables contain a sugar called raffinose—the same sugar that gives beans their heavy-winded reputation. In your gut, raffinose is fermented by gas-producing bacteria, which can make you feel bloated and gassy. That's not necessarily unhealthy, but it might lead to some awkward beach photos. Instead, if you're picking beach-bound snacks, pair high-fiber tortilla chips with low-calorie salsa.

http://health.yahoo.net/experts/eatthis/5-worst-beach-body-foods

And for more, a friend sent me this which is an amusing song about farting, if there could be such a thing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7I9KzoJTrE

"I think I'm being watched"

The funniest thing just happened...

I was standing outside my hotel smoking a cigarette (sorry dad) and thinking about the plot line for this spoof movie I want to make with my brother to make fun of a movie a robotics guy my brother doesn't like just put out on YouTube. I was pacing back and forth when suddenly this couple came out of the hotel.

He was a good looking older guy with gray hair, obviously married, with a younger blond who definitely wasn't his wife. He was saying good bye to her and they were having an annoyingly stupid conversation and there was obviously something more than friendship going on between them. I looked up at them in the hopes they would shut up or go somewhere else when the guy started acting all paranoid. I paced away from them and then decided to check my work email.

When I looked up from my crackberry they were talking in whispers and looking at me. I thought maybe it was because I'm wearing the same clothes that I wore to weed my parents' yard last saturday (I didn't wash them and they are dirty). Then they started walking by me towards the parking lot in a hurried manner.

As the guy walked by me he said in a loud voice "I think we're being watched. I don't like being watched." Haha! Like I'm some under cover detective who gives a shit about his personal life. I started laughing so the woman turned around and looked at me.

To the blond having an affair with the idiot, trust me, I don't care what you do with your personal life. I think it's sad you're fucking a passive aggressive moron, but that's your business.

Maybe I should quit smoking...

I hope you aren't eating

Here's the blister on my knee.

I told you it was gross.

SIQ

I have a sikh in my training class this week. Today he told me I was a child prodigy. When I pointed out that I'm 41, so a little past childhood he thought for a minute and then said "Then I guess you are an idiot savant."

Um, okay.

He's very kind and brings me soya nuts, dried cranberries, carrots, cherries, and today guava fruit. It's his favorite fruit. He offered it to me so I took a piece and he said "you must take enough for both hands" so I had 3 more pieces.

He's bringing me flax seeds tomorrow for my arthritic knee, which you don't want to see. I burned it with ice on Friday night and it has a palm sized blister on it that leaks (my mom can confirm - leave a comment about disgusting it was when I kept showing it to you).

Sick.

The charming sikh is making up for the disaster my company made of this class. They sent laptops with passwords and didn't give me the passwords (good thing I'm psychic at guessing passwords). The training coordinator didn't set up the laptops in the class like she's supposed to so I had to do it myself (sort of a hardship since I had to pull them out of a packing crate that weighs more than me, and I can't really bend my right leg). Then I asked her for a class roster (can't bill a student for the class unless they sign in on the roster for some unknown reason) and she emailed it to me knowing I have no way to print it out. And even though I'm using my own company's facilities they charge me by the day $20 to use their shitty wireless internet. I can't bill the $20 charge because it isn't in the class contract so it's making training challenging because I can't show certain things.

I think the only way my company makes money is by charging itself for stupid shit.

If I could, I would be SIQ.