even flip flops can't help some people

The day started out with me having to take a cold shower because the water heater at my hotel is broken (shocking, I know, since I’m paying $70 a night to stay here).

But, I’m teaching a subject that is my favorite thing to talk about. And even though most of the students in my class are not that bright, they are trying. In fact, I told them the secret to being a good architect is to wear flip flops (embarrassed to say I have been wearing them since I got back from the ME dress codes be damned). The next day every one came in wearing flip flops. Hee.

Except, there's one guy in my class who is a fucking pain in the ass. He complains constantly (he is apparently unable to read directions). His boss is also in my class and described him as "not a doer". So in one exercise today he was having problems. I stood behind him and tried to verbally guide him since the step by step instructions in the student manual were beyond his comprehension.

me: click on the tools menu

idiot: I don't see that option

me: that's because you clicked on the file menu

idiot: I still don't see it

me: that's because you are clicking on a diagram INSTEAD OF THE FUCKING TOOLS MENU WHICH I HAVE TOLD YOU TO DO TWICE NOW (okay, I didn't say the caps part)

idiot: so should I click on the tools menu? where is the tools menu?

me: (at the top of the screen just like it is in EVERY OTHER FUCKING APPLICATION) let me show you

idiot: no, because if you drive then I'll never learn anything and that doesn't help me at all

me: (would it help if I kicked you in the nuts?)

Anyway, at lunch today I was working on my book proposal when idiot walked in and started screaming at me. It seems his car had been towed. He was acting as though I had personally towed it. The facts:

1. We were given an access code to get into the parking garage first by email before the class started, and then at the beginning of class Monday. The code is written on the white board literally 10 feet from idiot's face.

2. The spot where he parked was clearly marked 2 hour parking, and we were warned they tow cars.

3. Two warning messages had been left on idiot's car the previous two days for parking all day in a two hour parking space. Idiot was warned TWICE that his car would get towed.

I later talked to the guard in the lobby. He was so pissed at idiot because he had warned him that very morning not to park his car there because it would get towed. Idiot refused to move it. The guard decided to have it towed.

In any case, we got idiot's car back even though that is NOT my fucking job. I don't even WORK in the building, I'm only teaching there for 4 days. Ech.

Though, I have to admit, at the end of the day, when idiot was having problems due to his inability to not be a fucking moron every second of his life, and he asked me "why isn't this working?" and I responded (with more of an edge to my voice than I should have) "because the software doesn't like you", he actually smiled.

jesus doesn't love me

I was talking to a guy one day who told me that jesus loves me. I was like really, who exactly is jesus? The guy told me that jesus is this great guy who can do cool stuff like turn water into wine (great talent for any guy hanging around me to have) and that he helps total strangers by making their spouses not be dead anymore and stuff. Also, he's not materialistic and likes to travel. And loves his mother. And has carpenter skills, which is nice because I need to redo my downstairs bathroom. Best of all his dad is a king or something. So eventually, if I got together with jesus, I could be a queen and get to wear a diamond tiara which would be so cool.

I was like so how do I get in touch with this guy? He said just pray to him and he'll answer you. So I prayed dear jesus why don't you meet me at cafe colores on thursday night and we'll have a glass of wine. From what I heard jesus wears sandals and looks kind of like a hippy. He doesn't have a job. So it's not like I expected him to take me to dell frisco's.

I waited and waited, but he never showed up. Then I met a woman at cafe colores who said that jesus loved her too. I was like hm, really? She said that jesus had saved her from cancer and bought her a new car. I was like are you fucking kidding me? He can't meet me for happy hour but he did all this shit for you? Frankly, she wasn't very good looking.

So I said I need to get in touch with him because he was supposed to do something for me and he didn't. Do you have his cell number or something? She said I talk to him all the time but she didn't have his cell number.

Such a typical guy. Claims he loves you and is not available. Stands you up, doesn't give you his email or phone number, and then you find out he's involved with other women. I did some research on him to find out if he was married, and, even though it turns out he's single, he hangs out with a prostitute.

I went back to the guy who originally told me that jesus loved me and said that I thought jesus sucked. The guy said that I was wrong about him, that he's the best guy ever. Then he said I guess jesus doesn't love you.

So, I've decided to swear off guys for a while.

rental retards

I got into Dallas this afternoon and had to wait for 30 minutes to get my luggage, and then another 15 to get the shuttle bus to the rental cars because all of the buses that drove by were full. Annoying.

Then, I get to my car, which was a huge jeep (with 3 rows of seats). I was like fucking hell because I hate driving huge cars. I had to lift my 60 lb bag onto the back seat (I'm not a wimp but I hate doing shit like that while I'm smoking because I'm afraid I'll drop my cigarette - and, BTW, my bag was heavy because I had to bring a bunch of books, not because I overpacked).

I get to the checkout thing and the lady tells me I have the wrong car. I was like dude, it had my name hanging off the rearview, and it was in my stall. She said "no, you have to also check the license plate number". I was like I thought it was YOUR job to do that. Apparently not in Dallas. That has NEVER happened to me before.

So I back the monster up, take it back to my parking stall, and wander around for 5 minutes until I found my car. Which had a hertz employee sleeping in it. Which is why, I will assume, it was parked in the wrong place.

I woke the guy up, got my shit packed up again, and this time was able to leave the hertz parking garage. I then proceeded to get way lost because I was talking to my friend Trina who had just saved some guy's foot from being cut off, instead of reading my mapquest directions.

The good news about this little shit show of a trip is that I put a bottle of wine in my suitcase and, oddly, they don't sell wine here on Sunday. What the fuck is up with that? Oh yeah, I'm in Bush country.