I usually rip on TSA but I would like to say "thank you!" for putting me on the TSA pre-screened list. I guess after all these years of flying they've figured out I'm not a terrorist.
I do wonder about the sanity of some of my fellow travelers, however. On Friday I rushed to Burbank after my ToGAF training class and arrived at my gate to find the raving cat lady. She was an older (60s) woman dressed in hippy clothes yelling into her phone so loud you could go into the ladies room and still hear her. It seems that while she was doing what ever it is that crazy cat ladies do in Burbank a neighbor called animal control because she had a dying cat missing one leg hanging out in her front yard. Animal control put the cat to sleep, at which point the neighbor called crazy cat lady to inform her. Crazy cat lady called animal control and started screaming at them.
In her conversation with the neighbor and animal control it could be deduced that she had MANY cats but thought it was silly to assume a cat would be in pain, or near death, just because it was missing a leg. She kept screaming at animal control "BUT DID YOU FOLLOW PROTOCOL????" I was texting with a colleague who was in the other terminal (to see if he could hear crazy cat lady - he couldn't) and my colleague said "with your luck she will be sitting next to you!" I decided that I would protest if that were the case.
Instead I was seated next to a British guy who seemed normal at first. But shortly after take off he tapped my arm and said "do you have any rubbish for the stewardess?" and then pointed to the (empty) aisle. I was like "Ummmmmmmm. No.", closed my eyes, and tried to sleep.
But sleep was impossible since the brit kept tapping me and asking me if I had any rubbish for the stewardess. A few times the stewardess actually were collecting trash but for the most part he was apparently seeing something I wasn't (like someone collecting trash).
When we landed the brit stood up before we had stopped at the gate. As the stewardesses yelled for him to sit down he turned to the passengers (we were seated in row 2), bowed to the plane, thanked everyone for flying with him, and then saluted all the passengers (admittedly it was a pretty gallant salute).
Just when I thought the situation couldn't get any stranger I saw him pull a stuffed penguin out of his pocket. A key was attached to one of the penguin's legs with yarn. He pet the penguin on the head and put it back in his pocket.
It was...just...weird.
But better than crazy cat lady.
Monday, November 18, 2013
certified, certifiable
Last week I attended training for the ToGAF 9 Foundation and Practitioner class. It was supposed to be a 5 day class but because of the holiday on Monday it was compressed into 4 days.
Let me be the first to say I am way too old to sit in a class for 10 hours. Weirdly, I knew two of the people who built the course because I worked with them in the middle east. I spent the first day busting the instructor's balls because I was bored but then he let me teach part of the class so I started having fun. All in all it was an interesting experience.
After the class you can take two exams to get certified in ToGAF. I signed up to take the exams today even though that only gave me a weekend to study. I didn't want to have to study over the thanksgiving holiday so it seemed worth it to spend all saturday and sunday studying.
I went to a building in Aurora to take the exam. The place was a dump, out by the airport, and they could only have one student at a time taking exams since there was only one test room, with one computer and one chair (I thought the place in Abu Dhabi was a dump, this one was worse). The test proctor was a Jamaican guy who was eating spaghetti, talking on the phone, and watching one of those shows where women are yelling at men for cheating on them.
I introduced myself and asked his name. He said "Oh...you can call me...Bob." He made me sign in on a roster where I noted the last time someone took an exam there was in September. Then he asked for two forms of photo ID with a picture and signature. I handed him my passport and driver's license, then had to show him where the photo page was. He asked if he could keep my passport while I was taking my exam so he could look at all the stamps (I agreed, and then had to answer questions about all the work permits in my passport).
After some scurrying he got the computer ready for my test and then said "but something seems wrong with you?" I explained that if I failed the test I'd have to pay $535 to retake it. He looked worried, clasped his hands, and said "It's okay, I am going to pray to God that you will pass. I will be here praying very hard." He pointed to his chair. He also let me take my water into the exam because he said "you're so out of sorts, I think it's good for you to have your water."
I took the first exam, which was way fucking harder than the practice exam. I had 60 minutes, finished in 20, reviewed the exam, and finally submitted it (30 minutes had passed). The computer slogged along while I sat there with a shitty feeling in the pit of my stomach which turned to relief that I had passed.
I walked out to see "Bob" standing next to the printer that prints out the official "you passed" certificate. He was looking anxious until he saw my face and he said "I am so happy to see you smile! I think you have passed!" I asked if I could start the second part of the test even though it wasn't officially supposed to start until 30 minutes had passed. He agreed, set it up, and wished me luck. He even turned the TV way down to the point where I could barely hear it.
I had 1 1/2 hours for the second exam. After 55 minutes I submitted it figuring fuck it, reading it over and over again wouldn't help. I actually found it slightly easier in some ways than the first exam, but still really hard. I forgot to eat this morning because I was so worried about the exam. My stomach was growling and my hands were going numb because the room was so cold (you aren't allowed to wear a jacket in the test room). I started freaking out that I was going to fail.
But a few minutes after I submitted my exam the computer said I passed. When I walked out "Bob" was standing by the printer again. He held both my passed printouts up in the air and said "You PASSED! I KNEW you could do it! I am so happy for you!"
Then he shook my hand and beamed at me like a proud parent. I was still feeling a little shell shocked but was happy the tests were over.
He asked me what the test was about and I tried to explain it in layman's terms. He said "It's obvious you know this topic, you should not have worried about passing." Um, yeah, but, it's not as simple as my explanation.
Anyway, glad that's over. Back to having fun!
Let me be the first to say I am way too old to sit in a class for 10 hours. Weirdly, I knew two of the people who built the course because I worked with them in the middle east. I spent the first day busting the instructor's balls because I was bored but then he let me teach part of the class so I started having fun. All in all it was an interesting experience.
After the class you can take two exams to get certified in ToGAF. I signed up to take the exams today even though that only gave me a weekend to study. I didn't want to have to study over the thanksgiving holiday so it seemed worth it to spend all saturday and sunday studying.
I went to a building in Aurora to take the exam. The place was a dump, out by the airport, and they could only have one student at a time taking exams since there was only one test room, with one computer and one chair (I thought the place in Abu Dhabi was a dump, this one was worse). The test proctor was a Jamaican guy who was eating spaghetti, talking on the phone, and watching one of those shows where women are yelling at men for cheating on them.
I introduced myself and asked his name. He said "Oh...you can call me...Bob." He made me sign in on a roster where I noted the last time someone took an exam there was in September. Then he asked for two forms of photo ID with a picture and signature. I handed him my passport and driver's license, then had to show him where the photo page was. He asked if he could keep my passport while I was taking my exam so he could look at all the stamps (I agreed, and then had to answer questions about all the work permits in my passport).
After some scurrying he got the computer ready for my test and then said "but something seems wrong with you?" I explained that if I failed the test I'd have to pay $535 to retake it. He looked worried, clasped his hands, and said "It's okay, I am going to pray to God that you will pass. I will be here praying very hard." He pointed to his chair. He also let me take my water into the exam because he said "you're so out of sorts, I think it's good for you to have your water."
I took the first exam, which was way fucking harder than the practice exam. I had 60 minutes, finished in 20, reviewed the exam, and finally submitted it (30 minutes had passed). The computer slogged along while I sat there with a shitty feeling in the pit of my stomach which turned to relief that I had passed.
I walked out to see "Bob" standing next to the printer that prints out the official "you passed" certificate. He was looking anxious until he saw my face and he said "I am so happy to see you smile! I think you have passed!" I asked if I could start the second part of the test even though it wasn't officially supposed to start until 30 minutes had passed. He agreed, set it up, and wished me luck. He even turned the TV way down to the point where I could barely hear it.
I had 1 1/2 hours for the second exam. After 55 minutes I submitted it figuring fuck it, reading it over and over again wouldn't help. I actually found it slightly easier in some ways than the first exam, but still really hard. I forgot to eat this morning because I was so worried about the exam. My stomach was growling and my hands were going numb because the room was so cold (you aren't allowed to wear a jacket in the test room). I started freaking out that I was going to fail.
But a few minutes after I submitted my exam the computer said I passed. When I walked out "Bob" was standing by the printer again. He held both my passed printouts up in the air and said "You PASSED! I KNEW you could do it! I am so happy for you!"
Then he shook my hand and beamed at me like a proud parent. I was still feeling a little shell shocked but was happy the tests were over.
He asked me what the test was about and I tried to explain it in layman's terms. He said "It's obvious you know this topic, you should not have worried about passing." Um, yeah, but, it's not as simple as my explanation.
Anyway, glad that's over. Back to having fun!
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