failed the test AGAIN

Nothing is EVER easy...

Today I got a call from my new employer because, even though my drug test came back negative (duh) it was so diluted that I have to take it again.

I was like "for real? why?????????"

The recruiter I'm working with said that there was too much water in my sample. She asked me how much water I drank before the test. I figured I drank 100 ounces of water in 45 minutes. I just wanted to make sure I'd have to pee. The recruiter said that flags the sample. I was like stop the fucking presses, for real? Because the whole POINT of taking the test under the conditions it was administered was so they would know I didn't cheat. And anyway, there was no way to cheat. And if I had just dumped water in the sample that still wouldn't have diluted it in a way that would make a positive test come back negative. That makes no damn sense.

She was like "Look, just take the test again, and don't drink so much water."

So I have to take it again on Monday. For fuck's sake. I've done a ton of these tests and NEVER had that problem before.

In other, good, news, the tree was out of my yard, looks like my mock orange and butterfly bushes survived, and now my roses will get more sun.

Think positive...

free at last

I quit my job today. My manager was pretty much a dick about it. Ask me if I care. Um, no.

Word travels fast. People keep calling me and emailing me. I'm hiding in my hotel room ignoring them. Later I'm going out with the brits for a drink. And they invited me to go to a water park with them on Thursday.

'Cause, it's not like I was going to work on Thursday...fuck that shit.

screw up the test, ace the presentation

I had two very important things to do today at the software conference I'm attending: take a drug test for my new employer and give a presentation at the conference.

So I got to the drug test place and they took me back to this area and told me to pee in a cup. Because I'm in Florida the guy who explained to me what to do was cuban and I couldn't exactly understand him. I went into the bathroom, peed in the cup, came out, found him in his office, and handed him the cup. I should mention that the line up of the area was the bathroom, his office, and a hall to the waiting area where there was a water dispenser.

He started yelling at me and said he couldn't take the sample. I was like dude, what the fuck? Since I left the bathroom and entered an area where there was a water dispenser he couldn't take it (apparently I was supposed to yell for him when I was done and then open the bathroom door and wait there). Like, seriously, just get one of those little cabinets you leave the pee in in the bathroom.

Then he said, according to the rules, that I had to wait another 45 minutes to take the test again. Ech. My friend S had driven me to the test (he's a gentleman and insisted) and we were both blowing off the conference so it sucked that we had to wait. Anyway, the second time I managed to do it right. S thinks the cuban guy liked me and just wanted to keep me around for another 45 minutes.

The good thing is the presentation went well. I had a lot of people show up even though it was at the same time as happy hour. Got some customer leads but then again who cares since I'm quitting.

Speaking of which, I'm totally stressing about that because I closed two more engagements today and they think I'm going to do the work and I just smile my head and nod, "um yeah, sounds great".

I wonder if the shit is going to hit the fan when I quit.