Today we had our second writing workshop. We had it in this cool house that was moved from somewhere in Banff up to the Banff Centre. There's no alcohol allowed in the house and our editors strongly emphasized this.
So, I went out and bought a bottle of red and white (the discussions are always more fun when alcohol is involved) and created two fake labels for the wine. The first one, for the red, had a picture of a cheesy little girl angel and said this:
Absolutely Not Alcoholic Juice Stuff
Nope, no alcohol in here. It’s just purple liquid made from grapes with antioxidants that’s really good for you. We would never break the rules.
For the white bottle, I made a label that had a picture of a little girl in goggles swimming under water next to a white whale. That one said:
Great White Whale Solution
No whales were harmed in the making of this non-alcoholic drink that has no alcohol in it. In fact, it’s alcohol free!
The problem is, no one realized it was a joke. They all thought I had brought non-alcoholic wine to the work shop. I finally had to point out that the labels were taped on the bottle with packing tape. Then everyone was like "oh, ha ha ha".
I won't go into the assassin jokes around the table because I killed three flies during the workshop. Ha ha ha.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
finally, I figured out what I'm doing
So I was busily editing my stories for my book, trying to ignore the massive doubts I was starting to have about my book.
I met with my publisher Tony, and he was having the same doubts. Uh oh. I tried to talk through the point I wanted to make with my book, but I couldn't even do that very well.
Tony suggested I write a piece about the motorcycle accident that led to my pursuit of extreme sports. I sat down on Saturday morning to write it.
I wrote, and wrote, and wrote some more. It was horrible. I'd never documented what happened when I went through my two horrific knee surgeries. After everything was said and done my career was in tatters, my husband had left me, and I had been forced to leave San Fran to work on the east coast. It was really hard to write about all that stuff. At the same time, what was wrong with my book is that it was just about stupid adventures I'd had, with no personal information. It's going to be really hard to let people read the stuff I'm writing now, but at the same time it's cathartic. Though the past two days have been really hard, emotionally, because I'm dredging up all this stuff I've been suppressing.
I finished the story in about 4 hours of intense writing. I then spent all night Saturday (until 1 am) and all day Sunday revising and trying to make the story funny.
Tony liked it, and liked my new idea for the book. I'm going to introduce each story with a piece that explains what was going on in my life and why I chose that particular adventure. The interspersed pieces will be a little cliffhanger and will help add some cohesion to the stories.
I'm pretty excited about the book now. I'm getting my first piece workshopped on Wednesday. I'm the first to go. Should be interesting.
I met with my publisher Tony, and he was having the same doubts. Uh oh. I tried to talk through the point I wanted to make with my book, but I couldn't even do that very well.
Tony suggested I write a piece about the motorcycle accident that led to my pursuit of extreme sports. I sat down on Saturday morning to write it.
I wrote, and wrote, and wrote some more. It was horrible. I'd never documented what happened when I went through my two horrific knee surgeries. After everything was said and done my career was in tatters, my husband had left me, and I had been forced to leave San Fran to work on the east coast. It was really hard to write about all that stuff. At the same time, what was wrong with my book is that it was just about stupid adventures I'd had, with no personal information. It's going to be really hard to let people read the stuff I'm writing now, but at the same time it's cathartic. Though the past two days have been really hard, emotionally, because I'm dredging up all this stuff I've been suppressing.
I finished the story in about 4 hours of intense writing. I then spent all night Saturday (until 1 am) and all day Sunday revising and trying to make the story funny.
Tony liked it, and liked my new idea for the book. I'm going to introduce each story with a piece that explains what was going on in my life and why I chose that particular adventure. The interspersed pieces will be a little cliffhanger and will help add some cohesion to the stories.
I'm pretty excited about the book now. I'm getting my first piece workshopped on Wednesday. I'm the first to go. Should be interesting.
which one is it?
Last night I had one of the worst dreams I've had in a long time. All the guys in this dream are climbers I know or knew.
In the dream I was walking through an area that was like the Banff Centre, but it was a rough neighborhood. I was walking with my friend Will. He was supposed to be taking me to a climbing gym, and we walked into this building, but it looked like an administration building.
He was like "oops, we must have come through the office!" Just then I noticed a little girl with brown curly hair. I realized I was in my ex-boyfriend Chris' office, and that the little girl was his daughter. I was like "dude, why did you take me here? there has to be another climbing gym!" Will apologized and we went outside, where we ran into my fake co-author Dave.
Dave was standing kind of hunched over and had a big beer gut. I almost didn't recognize him. But then he stood up and all the weight from his gut moved into his chest. He was a lot bigger than anyone else. Will asked him where we could climb and Dave said "I need to meet with Franki about the book". Just as I started telling him about the book I'm working on now this blond woman from Europe came up. She was beautiful. Dave turned to me and said "Watch, I can hypnotize her into having sex with me".
His eyes turned this really weird purple color and the woman couldn't stop staring into them. Dave was saying something quietly to her. I realized that he was asking her to be his new co-author. I was like "dude, you're an asshole! I was supposed to write that book with you!" He told me to shut up and then took the European woman off to have sex somewhere. As they were walking away he said "You see, I can fuck anyone I want".
Will apologized to me again and started saying something about divorce. I was like "you mean Dave got divorced?" and Will said "No, Chris got divorced". Suddenly Chris showed up and started saying "Someone needs to help me clean up this mess!" and Will asked me if I wanted to get back together with Chris. I said no, and then Will said "I'll help you do whatever you want" and I told him I wanted to get away from this horrible place.
I started running and Will didn't follow because he was stuck talking to Chris, who was bragging about owning the biggest climbing gym in the world. I got to this area where there was a narrow sidewalk surrounded by buildings on either side. Then these 5 guys came up and I realized they were going to rob me and beat me up. I said "Did you see that giant man? I was with him and if you touch me he'll kill you!" And they said "Well, he isn't here now. And he said he doesn't know you."
Then I was running down this narrow spiral staircase that had barbed wire on the top. The only way I could get my legs to move was to lift them with my hands. I kept cutting myself on the barbed wire. Then, as I got to the end of the spiral staircase, I was on a roof and my family was there. We were supposed to take a helicopter off the top of the building where the spiral staircase had ended. When I looked out over the city skyline I realized I was in Dubai.
I got on the helicopter and the pilot said we couldn't bring my mom because there wasn't enough room. I got off the helicopter and told my mom that. She started crying and I realized she was drunk. My dad started yelling "I told her she couldn't come!" Then I saw that my mom had jumped across a huge gap from her hotel roof to this roof. That was the only way she could get off the building roof. I was afraid she was going to jump and fall because she was drunk. She told me she didn't care if she fell and started running towards the edge of the roof.
Then I woke up.
In the dream I was walking through an area that was like the Banff Centre, but it was a rough neighborhood. I was walking with my friend Will. He was supposed to be taking me to a climbing gym, and we walked into this building, but it looked like an administration building.
He was like "oops, we must have come through the office!" Just then I noticed a little girl with brown curly hair. I realized I was in my ex-boyfriend Chris' office, and that the little girl was his daughter. I was like "dude, why did you take me here? there has to be another climbing gym!" Will apologized and we went outside, where we ran into my fake co-author Dave.
Dave was standing kind of hunched over and had a big beer gut. I almost didn't recognize him. But then he stood up and all the weight from his gut moved into his chest. He was a lot bigger than anyone else. Will asked him where we could climb and Dave said "I need to meet with Franki about the book". Just as I started telling him about the book I'm working on now this blond woman from Europe came up. She was beautiful. Dave turned to me and said "Watch, I can hypnotize her into having sex with me".
His eyes turned this really weird purple color and the woman couldn't stop staring into them. Dave was saying something quietly to her. I realized that he was asking her to be his new co-author. I was like "dude, you're an asshole! I was supposed to write that book with you!" He told me to shut up and then took the European woman off to have sex somewhere. As they were walking away he said "You see, I can fuck anyone I want".
Will apologized to me again and started saying something about divorce. I was like "you mean Dave got divorced?" and Will said "No, Chris got divorced". Suddenly Chris showed up and started saying "Someone needs to help me clean up this mess!" and Will asked me if I wanted to get back together with Chris. I said no, and then Will said "I'll help you do whatever you want" and I told him I wanted to get away from this horrible place.
I started running and Will didn't follow because he was stuck talking to Chris, who was bragging about owning the biggest climbing gym in the world. I got to this area where there was a narrow sidewalk surrounded by buildings on either side. Then these 5 guys came up and I realized they were going to rob me and beat me up. I said "Did you see that giant man? I was with him and if you touch me he'll kill you!" And they said "Well, he isn't here now. And he said he doesn't know you."
Then I was running down this narrow spiral staircase that had barbed wire on the top. The only way I could get my legs to move was to lift them with my hands. I kept cutting myself on the barbed wire. Then, as I got to the end of the spiral staircase, I was on a roof and my family was there. We were supposed to take a helicopter off the top of the building where the spiral staircase had ended. When I looked out over the city skyline I realized I was in Dubai.
I got on the helicopter and the pilot said we couldn't bring my mom because there wasn't enough room. I got off the helicopter and told my mom that. She started crying and I realized she was drunk. My dad started yelling "I told her she couldn't come!" Then I saw that my mom had jumped across a huge gap from her hotel roof to this roof. That was the only way she could get off the building roof. I was afraid she was going to jump and fall because she was drunk. She told me she didn't care if she fell and started running towards the edge of the roof.
Then I woke up.
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