needed: a fat ass

FH had been talking to me about doing the pedal the plains bike ride for a few weeks and all I seemed to register from the conversation was the word "easy". Last thursday (I think? or wednesday?) he said we needed to sign up so we signed up. I should mention at this point that although I ride my cruiser around town a lot I haven't been on a "real" ride since last November (not making excuses but I've been working a lot this summer and was not allowed to ride after my surgery).

I was reading through the logistics for the ride and discovered that, although friday is an easy ride (about 34 miles) saturday and sunday are long rides (72 and 67 miles). When I first looked at the web site I was in a work meeting and only bothered to check out the friday mileage. The furthest I've ever ridden a bike in one go is 65 miles. So that should be interesting.

Anyway, the weather was not very cooperative until Saturday morning when I donned my usual riding outfit and set off for a 20 mile bike re-acquaintance ride. First mistake - although I own bike pants I never wear them because they look hideous, so I just wore my lululemon yoga pants. When I was riding a lot they were fine. But because I've been out of the saddle for a while, they weren't. I ended up with a seriously chafed ass. I was practically crying by the time I finished my ride.

Sunday I could hardly sit down so I didn't ride. Monday I did another ride and this time wore two pairs of bike pants with my yoga pants over them. Since I have a non-existent ass I looked like I had stuffed an accordion down the back of my pants. I'm sure the people riding behind me were making fun of me. suggested I "gain 2 pounds of pure fat" on my ass by 19 September. Um. I don't think that will happen.

I'm also getting worried about the ride. I'm the type of person who trains for everything months in advance. I'm sure I'll be fine but I psyche myself out when I feel I don't have a ridiculously long time to train for things. Also, I'm pissed that for 20 miles on the bike I only get 7500 steps on my fitbit.

And, this just in...my dad sent me a text that he was thinking to buy me some "lady fair anti chafing cream" described as "Provides all-day comfort and helps prevent chafing, sweat rashes and irritation around the bust, buttocks, between legs and other private areas."

I'd rather be in pain than use lady fair anti chafing cream.