Don't read this post unless you are really immature. I'm laughing as I write it, but I'm really immature.
On Thursday I was working in R's office because we were trying to get a presentation done and my desk in the hallway is just too chaotic these days to be able to concentrate. R and I have been working together for over a week. We get along really well, mostly because we are so much alike. We have food obsessions (like sandwiches and pizza), architecture obsessions (R said he has nightmares about me quizzing him at the hague about why he did certain things in his models), and music obsessions (he went through my 60 GB music library, which I thought was big, then showed me his 2 terabyte library - I was like "I have everything Billie Holiday ever recorded" and he said "I have everything anyone ever recorded" - but, lebanese are like that, always trying to one up you).
R's office, I should mention, shares a wall with the upstairs bathroom (which I'm not allowed to use because I have to go to the ladies' room two flights down).
Anyway, I was sitting at a desk opposite of R and I had just taken a bite of my apple when suddenly I heard this very loud noise coming from the bathroom. It sounded, literally, like someone's ass had just exploded. I made my face really tense so I wouldn't start laughing. I made the mistake of glancing over at R to see if he had heard the noise. He was staring at me with this retarded grin on his face. That was it for me. I suddenly was overcome with laughter. I choked on my apple, and a piece of it flew out of my nose, which made me laugh even harder. R covered his face with both of his hands. We must have laughed for 5 minutes straight. Then I said "I knew I shouldn't have looked at you" and he said "I thought maybe I imagined the noise". This caused us both to start laughing again.
Worse, we heard whoever was in the bathroom rinsing off in the tub. Every bathroom here has a tub so people can wash up for prayers (I guess - I honestly don't know why they have tubs, but every bathroom in every office I've been in has one). This caused another fit of laughter. When I finally had myself more or less under control another bad thing happened. The tea boy went into the bathroom and started cleaning it very loudly. I would say I was incapacitated by my laughter for at least 40 minutes.
I got a nose bleed from the apple coming out of my nose.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
strange snake test
I've always had a really bad fear of snakes. So bad that I jump at the sight of something that might vaguely resemble a snake. My dad has gotten to the point where he can ignore when I seize up because I've seen a tree root that looks snake-ish. I've wrecked my mountain bike numerous times because I've seen a snake or something that looked like a snake (one memorable time I rode over a black snake that was stretched out to get sun on the bike trail, and then I fell off my bike as it lifted its head towards my foot).
But the other night I had a dream about snakes that I think might have cured my phobia. In the dream there was a guy who's face I couldn't see because he was wearing a big beige hat. He was handling different snakes and trying to get me to pick them up. I was frozen with fear but he kept yelling at me in this australian accented voice "Pick up the black mamba! Just pick it up!"
Finally, I reached out towards the ground and picked up this bright green snake. "Oh," he said, "that one's a poisonous viper!" I didn't know what to do next because I had thought the snake was fairly harmless and now that I knew it was poisonous I didn't want to hold it anymore. "Just put it on the ground" he said, and the snake slithered away.
"Now that you picked up the worst one, pick up the black mamba. Just get it right behind the head." I started to reach for the black mamba and as my hand got closer the snake's head got smaller and smaller. But its fangs stayed the same size. "It doesn't want to be picked up and it's making it's head too small," I whined. The guy said "Right when they don't want you to do something is when you should do it because you have the element of surprise." I picked up that snake too.
When I woke up from the dream it was 230 in the morning. I had this thought that maybe my snake phobia was gone. To test my theory I first thought about a snake being under my bed ready to strike when I put my feet on the floor. I put my feet on the floor but didn't experience the heart pounding fear that I normally would from visualizing this scenario. Then I decided to put my belt on the floor so in the morning, when I woke up, I would see it in the dark and think it was a snake. But when I woke up and saw my belt, I didn't panic.
I was very happy when R, my new customer boss, came to pick me up in the morning. I explained to him on the way into work about my dream and how I thought I was cured of my snake fear. Apparently my story had some effect on R because he missed our exit for work, even though he's been driving to the same building for over a year.
"So, you think you're cured of your phobia because you've had this dream and then you put a belt on the floor, and when you saw it you didn't think it was a snake and you weren't afraid of it?" he asked me. "Yep" I said, very proud of myself for not being afraid of snakes anymore.
"That has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my life," he said. "Is everyone in the US so crazy, or just you?"
I know it sounds doubtful, but I really do think I'm cured of my snake phobia. I was trying to get R to take me to some place in Abu Dhabi or Dubai that might have a snake that was real so I could verify that I'm cured. He said "I don't go places with crazy people that think they aren't afraid of snakes because if you see a real snake and are afraid of it you'll probably freak out and somehow injure me."
Heh. Ever since I wrecked one person's car in the desert and he got a little hurt (I did as well - I still have a bruise on my side from where the metal of the seat belt squished me when we were landing) everyone here is afraid to go anywhere with me.
Franki phobia. I kind of hope it spreads, actually.
But the other night I had a dream about snakes that I think might have cured my phobia. In the dream there was a guy who's face I couldn't see because he was wearing a big beige hat. He was handling different snakes and trying to get me to pick them up. I was frozen with fear but he kept yelling at me in this australian accented voice "Pick up the black mamba! Just pick it up!"
Finally, I reached out towards the ground and picked up this bright green snake. "Oh," he said, "that one's a poisonous viper!" I didn't know what to do next because I had thought the snake was fairly harmless and now that I knew it was poisonous I didn't want to hold it anymore. "Just put it on the ground" he said, and the snake slithered away.
"Now that you picked up the worst one, pick up the black mamba. Just get it right behind the head." I started to reach for the black mamba and as my hand got closer the snake's head got smaller and smaller. But its fangs stayed the same size. "It doesn't want to be picked up and it's making it's head too small," I whined. The guy said "Right when they don't want you to do something is when you should do it because you have the element of surprise." I picked up that snake too.
When I woke up from the dream it was 230 in the morning. I had this thought that maybe my snake phobia was gone. To test my theory I first thought about a snake being under my bed ready to strike when I put my feet on the floor. I put my feet on the floor but didn't experience the heart pounding fear that I normally would from visualizing this scenario. Then I decided to put my belt on the floor so in the morning, when I woke up, I would see it in the dark and think it was a snake. But when I woke up and saw my belt, I didn't panic.
I was very happy when R, my new customer boss, came to pick me up in the morning. I explained to him on the way into work about my dream and how I thought I was cured of my snake fear. Apparently my story had some effect on R because he missed our exit for work, even though he's been driving to the same building for over a year.
"So, you think you're cured of your phobia because you've had this dream and then you put a belt on the floor, and when you saw it you didn't think it was a snake and you weren't afraid of it?" he asked me. "Yep" I said, very proud of myself for not being afraid of snakes anymore.
"That has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my life," he said. "Is everyone in the US so crazy, or just you?"
I know it sounds doubtful, but I really do think I'm cured of my snake phobia. I was trying to get R to take me to some place in Abu Dhabi or Dubai that might have a snake that was real so I could verify that I'm cured. He said "I don't go places with crazy people that think they aren't afraid of snakes because if you see a real snake and are afraid of it you'll probably freak out and somehow injure me."
Heh. Ever since I wrecked one person's car in the desert and he got a little hurt (I did as well - I still have a bruise on my side from where the metal of the seat belt squished me when we were landing) everyone here is afraid to go anywhere with me.
Franki phobia. I kind of hope it spreads, actually.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
if I had a million dollars I would buy your love
This morning, at 5am, I was awoken rudely from my sleep (for the second time, the first being the call to prayer at 430, why am I staying at a hotel near a mosque) to discover the following on my cell phone:
YOUR MOBILE N0. HAS BE AWARDED £500,000.00(GBP) IN THE ONGOING NOKIA MOBILE PROMO. REF No: SW805 FOR CLAIM CALL+447045754969 & EMAIL: nokia-uk@europe.com] [Country:UNITED KINGDOM] [Language:English]
Immediately sensing a hoax, I contacted Nokia, and got this response back:
Thank you for contacting Nokia Care.
Nokia is aware that recently there have been several hoax messages on different Nokia promotions and lottery campaigns, sent via email or SMS, purporting to originate from Nokia. Nokia has not initiated any such campaigns and has nothing to do with them - the messages have been sent via parties that are not associated with Nokia in any way.
Please do not reply to these messages or pass them on, as it is possible that by replying to such e-mails or taking the requested actions your personal information could be misused by the originators of the message or others.
The most effective action is to delete the message without responding to the sender. You can also contact your local authorities to report such hoax messages.
For future reference, please feel free to check our website. Kindly refer to the link below:
http://www.nokia.co.uk/home
I guess I've been here too long. I'm getting hoax messages on my cell phone. Luckily I have less than 3 weeks left here.
I once was emailing with a guy who said he wanted to date me, but couldn't due to his personal circumstances. After reading through his email I sent one back saying, as a joke "what if I had a million dollars". He responded "That would make things harder, but wouldn't change them" or something to that effect. I bet he would have changed his mind if I had really won a million dollars.
Of course, then he would have to be my bitch.
YOUR MOBILE N0. HAS BE AWARDED £500,000.00(GBP) IN THE ONGOING NOKIA MOBILE PROMO. REF No: SW805 FOR CLAIM CALL+447045754969 & EMAIL: nokia-uk@europe.com] [Country:UNITED KINGDOM] [Language:English]
Immediately sensing a hoax, I contacted Nokia, and got this response back:
Thank you for contacting Nokia Care.
Nokia is aware that recently there have been several hoax messages on different Nokia promotions and lottery campaigns, sent via email or SMS, purporting to originate from Nokia. Nokia has not initiated any such campaigns and has nothing to do with them - the messages have been sent via parties that are not associated with Nokia in any way.
Please do not reply to these messages or pass them on, as it is possible that by replying to such e-mails or taking the requested actions your personal information could be misused by the originators of the message or others.
The most effective action is to delete the message without responding to the sender. You can also contact your local authorities to report such hoax messages.
For future reference, please feel free to check our website. Kindly refer to the link below:
http://www.nokia.co.uk/home
I guess I've been here too long. I'm getting hoax messages on my cell phone. Luckily I have less than 3 weeks left here.
I once was emailing with a guy who said he wanted to date me, but couldn't due to his personal circumstances. After reading through his email I sent one back saying, as a joke "what if I had a million dollars". He responded "That would make things harder, but wouldn't change them" or something to that effect. I bet he would have changed his mind if I had really won a million dollars.
Of course, then he would have to be my bitch.
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