Alex, the Spiderman Mango

Tonight I had a great climbing session with Dr. S and his climbing partner Alex. I was kind of tired when I got to the gym (too many pushups yesterday) and was thinking to just have an easy night but then I ended up, at Dr. S's insistence, leading a few things, including a 5.9, which is my hardest lead of the new year.

Alex says the most hilarious stuff. My favorite was when Dr. S was saying to him, regarding better foot work, "it's kind of like fruits and vegetables", meaning to make an analogy that you don't want to eat them but they're good for you. Alex mis-heard and thought Dr. S said "You're kind of like fruits and vegetables". He then pondered what he would be if he were that. He finally decided he would be a cabbage. Then he said "I would be a cabbage, but I would pretend I was a beautiful mango, hanging on a tree in Spain. When the other cabbages would talk to me I would only answer them in Spanish."

And I thought I was the only one who said things like that.

I also taught Alex how to tie a bowline (told him my snake story) and how to master the figure 8 (I explained how it's the strangle and punch knot). While Dr. S was climbing I earnestly tried to explain to Alex strategies for improving his foot work, as he has a lot of the same habits I had before Gadg coached me. He said "Currently, my strategy for becoming a better climber is to get bitten by a radio active spider. But, that hasn't happened yet." He also said he wouldn't wear the spiderman costume while climbing because he thought it looked girly, prompting Dr. S to make fun of Alex's shoes, which he called "foppy european", because he knows Alex is sensitive about those things.

We also talked about Wallace and Gromit since Alex is a London transplant with two kids. He said one day at his daughter's preschool there was a fire drill. When the alarm went off the teacher asked if anyone knew what the alarm meant. Alex's daughter responded "someone stole a diamond!" You have to see Wallace and Gromit's 3 great adventures to understand why that's really funny.

Hanging out with a englishman is great because they say the damndest things. Dr. S was lowering me off a climb and I almost ended up on top of some guy's head because of where the anchor was on the climb. I apologized to the guy as he stood below me, saying to him "Sorry I'm almost landing on your head", to which he responded "No worries. There's a great view from down here." When I got on the floor Alex looked at me and said "Cheeky bastard". I found that amusing.

Alex's wife is living in Boston, but he's going to get her to move here. I was giving him some tips on how to pursuade her to move. He also, when I asked what he did, said he was hired as a drinking partner. It turns out he's really a doctor. He explained to me how snake muscles work, which might come in handy next time one tries to bite me.

cute fish?

Some times I think animal rights activists do really stupid things. Other times, I know what they are doing is stupid.

So, PETA has started this new program to make fish more appealing to people by inventing something called a "sea kitten". Seriously, I am NOT making this up: http://www.peta.org/sea_kittens/about.asp

The description for the program says "People don't seem to like fish. They're slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little heads—which is weird, to say the least. Plus, the small ones nibble at your feet when you're swimming, and the big ones—well, the big ones will bite your face off if Jaws is anything to go by. "

I think people don't not like fish. I think people just don't give a shit about fish. And if PETA wants to do an image make over for fish, why not invest in programs designed to have kids interact with them. They could arrange "Breakfast with Salmon" at local aquariums, for example, where kids could eat lox on bagels while watching a bunch of salmon swimming and shitting in a tank. Or, for tuna, why not pay me to eat a bunch of sushi while expounding on how it's not good to put a hook through some poor fish's head.

But no, they decided the best course of action was to create a stupid web site where you can decorate a fish with a bunch of ridiculous things such as lipstick, a tiara, or a mohawk. And that is supposed to do...what? I decorated this salmon on the web site, giving him an elephant trunk, a "punk rock jacket", sunglasses, and a mohawk. The end result is I am now craving sushi. You can email your sea kitten to all your friends. I would suggest doing this if you have annoying friends who just send you junk mail instead of composing a real email. Maybe make a really ugly sea kitten and name it after them.

Although I don't feel too inclined to do anything to help fish, other than sharks, it is nice to have something new to do while on long, boring conference calls.

first lead of 2009

Tonight at BRC I did my first lead. It was my last climb of the night too. Left some skin on the floor of the gym, but I'm sure they'll have it vacuumed up by morning.

I forgot how much I enjoy climbing. Tonight made me remember how much fun Gadget, Liz, and I had climbing together. We met 3 days a week and would climb for 3 hours. Gadg was the best coach ever. I had picked up some bad habits yarding my way up climbs more due to strength than actual ability. He tortured me for weeks, lowering me off any climb the second I did something wrong (my two favorite bad habits: mantling up something when I didn't need to and jumping for a hold so I wouldn't have to push up on my right foot). I was missing him tonight as I chicken winged some stupid hold instead of just moving my arm up. Then I was on another climb with a crimpy left hold and my ex broken finger was throbbing so I just jumped for the next hold rather than moving on the crimp.

I don't know if Gadg was there in spirit, but I could hear him yelling in my head "Awwww, Franki! Franki! What are you DOING? That's it! You're lowered!"

Dr. S tried to get me to climb this crimpy little shit show of a route, but I refused to as the start for feet was a starfish. And I am inclined to beware of starfish. The first three hands were all slopey things you have to crimp. Uh huh. He kept saying "but the holds get good up there" and I was like but I have to get UP THERE first. I held my arms up to his face and said "Oh look, my forearms are giving you the finger".

My favorite moment of the night was when I was climbing an overhang with a russian guy climbing next to me. I was about to pull through the overhang on this hold that looked liked Dolly Parton's breasts when suddenly the rusky peeled off. I had a vision of his ass connecting with my face and made Dr. S lower me until the Russian was done.

There's suffering in climbing, and then there's suffering.

The evening ended well with pancakes, but I think bio freeze is also in order.