Tonight as I was exiting the room that comprises the hotel gym, or should I say "gym", after doing my cardio I ran into Bones. He was sitting outside the gym door, perhaps I flatter myself, waiting for me. I'm not sure how he escaped the evil clutches of the cheerleaders but he did.
I was telling him about my cardio routine and he followed me right into my room. I told him he could hang out but that I had to finish my work out. I got into downward dog position, and told Bones he might want to try yoga since he's still young and limber. But he seemed to think I was making some kind of human dog house, because he crawled underneath me and laid down. Then I went into plank and tried to tell him that my next move was into cobra, and that he was going to have to move. But instead of moving he rolled over on his back and was like scratch my belly.
I told him that I would pet him as soon as I finished my workout but he wasn't listening. I decided to fore go cobra and just get my bicycle crunches done. It was hard though because Bones thought I was playing some kind of game with him. Every time I would extend my foot out he would try to smack it down with his paw. And when I was doing my 100s he kept trying to grab my hands with his mouth, and when I told him to stop he decided to stand next to my head and lick my ear.
So I said that I was going to do some crunches and then end my workout. While I was doing crunches Bones decided that he should jump on my bed. Then he ran around and made the pillows all messed up. I was like you are totally not allowed to jump on the bed and he said that he was allowed because he's a puppy.
After my crunches I showed Bones a you tube vid of a shark getting attacked by an octopus. I think he liked it because he was wagging his tail and trying to put his paws on my keyboard. Then we laid down on the bed and watched a show called modern marvels. Eventually the manager came to collect him. I was reminding Bones to brush his teeth before bed and he sneezed and blew dog snot all over the bottom of my yoga pants.
I talked to the manager for a few more minutes, and Bones fell asleep in the hallway. The manager had to pick him up and carry him out to the car.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
when things go bad, make someone else the victim
So today we had a rough start in class again. There were a bunch of weird bugs in the software tool, and none of the exercises were working very well. People were getting frustrated. One of the students finally 'confessed that they knew next to nothing about the tool and that they didn't understand things that I assumed they knew.
There's one student in particular, I'll call him P, who kept asking the same question like a million billion times. So, I decided to put him center stage, thinking that might help turn things around.
I stopped the exercises we were working on and decided to go to ground zero. I said to the class "do you know what today is? today is P's lucky day". P, unsuspecting, smiled. Suddenly, everyone was interested. "Why don't you come up to the front of the class and see how lucky you are?" I said. P came to the front of the class and I told him to sit at my laptop.
Now, suspecting shenanigans, P said "Uh, I have swine flu. Are you sure you want me to touch your laptop?" Hopefully he was joking. I walked him through doing some basic stuff with the software tool. Then I started asking him "How would I do (some function)?" If P couldn't figure it out the class helped him. Then I had P walk the class through the exercises they were struggling with. By the end of the day everyone seemed to be doing much better. And I promised P that tomorrow he can select the next person who's going to sit up at my laptop and get picked on.
We also started talking about the practical uses of enterprise architecture. When I presented the class with some business questions and asked how they would answer them given the diagrams we created I could see about 90% of the class was finally getting it. That's always exciting. Two of the guys went back to their offices right after class (impressive considering we worked from 6 am to 330 with only an hour break) to generate some reports to show their customer.
And, it didn't matter that I got back to my hotel later than usual, because Bones is still ensconced with the cheerleaders. I got him a kong so he will hopefully not chew up any more of their bedspreads (they said, anyway, that Bones did it). They are brushing his hair and teeth as promised. He looked happy, though I worry about the music he's been listening to. And god knows what he sees on their TV at night. I hope they aren't exposing him to sit coms.
There's one student in particular, I'll call him P, who kept asking the same question like a million billion times. So, I decided to put him center stage, thinking that might help turn things around.
I stopped the exercises we were working on and decided to go to ground zero. I said to the class "do you know what today is? today is P's lucky day". P, unsuspecting, smiled. Suddenly, everyone was interested. "Why don't you come up to the front of the class and see how lucky you are?" I said. P came to the front of the class and I told him to sit at my laptop.
Now, suspecting shenanigans, P said "Uh, I have swine flu. Are you sure you want me to touch your laptop?" Hopefully he was joking. I walked him through doing some basic stuff with the software tool. Then I started asking him "How would I do (some function)?" If P couldn't figure it out the class helped him. Then I had P walk the class through the exercises they were struggling with. By the end of the day everyone seemed to be doing much better. And I promised P that tomorrow he can select the next person who's going to sit up at my laptop and get picked on.
We also started talking about the practical uses of enterprise architecture. When I presented the class with some business questions and asked how they would answer them given the diagrams we created I could see about 90% of the class was finally getting it. That's always exciting. Two of the guys went back to their offices right after class (impressive considering we worked from 6 am to 330 with only an hour break) to generate some reports to show their customer.
And, it didn't matter that I got back to my hotel later than usual, because Bones is still ensconced with the cheerleaders. I got him a kong so he will hopefully not chew up any more of their bedspreads (they said, anyway, that Bones did it). They are brushing his hair and teeth as promised. He looked happy, though I worry about the music he's been listening to. And god knows what he sees on their TV at night. I hope they aren't exposing him to sit coms.
bad art, good love
Jamesy got my painting yesterday. I was a little hesitant to send it to him because I didn't know what he would think. Here's what he sent me today in response to the painting (it's also posted on his facebook page for those of you who might have already read it):
I LOVE YOU FRANKI
when i look around and see my friends, i see a small cadre of people. SHort, tall, old , young, male and female, black, white Hispanic, phillipino, Haitian, Belgian, British... I see an eclectic group of individuals all tied to me based on two principles : We love each other and my appreciation for each one is different...
None of your friendships is the same, because you are friends with folks for different reasons. Each friend represents a point in your life where you either had to lean on someone, or someone came into your life and has remained.
One such friend of mine recently sent me a painting she had done of yours truly. Granted it was not a Phyllis Marie Carter original (which by the way are the BOMB) or a James Palmiotti caricature, but her heart was in it and it made my 6yo smile and me cry. It was an early birthday present, from a person whom i know and consider a friend but never knew exactly how much she appreciated my worth to her.. "Jamesy I want you to know how much i appreciate our friendship and how much I miss you.. You have got to be the most positive person i have ever met" Franki Flowers....
i paraphrased but Ms Franki who is a Cancer survivor considers me "the most positive" person she has met.. WOW.. I am still flabbergasted...I bring a positive vibe and cheerful disposition in all ways of my life to hers, and that is my worth to her.. consequently, I see her as a person with whom i am most comfortable with and at peace...we can talk about everything and anything and usually do. We get mad at each other and still manage to remember how much we both mean to each others lives.. Friends have that affect on you..I have said it many a time, men and women "FRIENDSHIPS" are often challenged by sex and intimacy...as depicted in the ladder theory...yet i believe they can happen as long as you both know where you are...Im no damn fool, i would tap that in a HEART BEAT.. but thats not what we are about and coming to that empirical acknowledgment is HALF the BATTLE..
So yes i have female "friends" and they are friends in every sense of the word. These are not casual relationships based on the fact that we dated and it didnt work out so now we are friends.. HELL NO!! I have these relationships because I CAN COUNT on these people to be there for me as i will be there for them.. TO cry with me, and to laugh out loud.. to Dance with me even though no music is playing.. yep these relationships are what we want from either gender but most of all we want them for ourselves.... How do you love and appreciate your friends??
"True friendship comes whenthe silence between two people is comfortable."
David Tyson Gentry
"Friendship is a treasured gift, and every time I talk with you I feel as if I'm getting richer and richer."
Friendship Saying
"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."
"A friend is like father who scolds you,
like mother who caress you,
like sister who teases you,
like brother who fights you,
in short combine all worldly relations
you will have a friend and
that's what makes a friend above all relations "
Dr. Amanullah
"Daddy, why are you crying and laughing at the same time?"
"Baby, thats what you do when a friend touches your heart" James N
I LOVE YOU FRANKI
when i look around and see my friends, i see a small cadre of people. SHort, tall, old , young, male and female, black, white Hispanic, phillipino, Haitian, Belgian, British... I see an eclectic group of individuals all tied to me based on two principles : We love each other and my appreciation for each one is different...
None of your friendships is the same, because you are friends with folks for different reasons. Each friend represents a point in your life where you either had to lean on someone, or someone came into your life and has remained.
One such friend of mine recently sent me a painting she had done of yours truly. Granted it was not a Phyllis Marie Carter original (which by the way are the BOMB) or a James Palmiotti caricature, but her heart was in it and it made my 6yo smile and me cry. It was an early birthday present, from a person whom i know and consider a friend but never knew exactly how much she appreciated my worth to her.. "Jamesy I want you to know how much i appreciate our friendship and how much I miss you.. You have got to be the most positive person i have ever met" Franki Flowers....
i paraphrased but Ms Franki who is a Cancer survivor considers me "the most positive" person she has met.. WOW.. I am still flabbergasted...I bring a positive vibe and cheerful disposition in all ways of my life to hers, and that is my worth to her.. consequently, I see her as a person with whom i am most comfortable with and at peace...we can talk about everything and anything and usually do. We get mad at each other and still manage to remember how much we both mean to each others lives.. Friends have that affect on you..I have said it many a time, men and women "FRIENDSHIPS" are often challenged by sex and intimacy...as depicted in the ladder theory...yet i believe they can happen as long as you both know where you are...Im no damn fool, i would tap that in a HEART BEAT.. but thats not what we are about and coming to that empirical acknowledgment is HALF the BATTLE..
So yes i have female "friends" and they are friends in every sense of the word. These are not casual relationships based on the fact that we dated and it didnt work out so now we are friends.. HELL NO!! I have these relationships because I CAN COUNT on these people to be there for me as i will be there for them.. TO cry with me, and to laugh out loud.. to Dance with me even though no music is playing.. yep these relationships are what we want from either gender but most of all we want them for ourselves.... How do you love and appreciate your friends??
"True friendship comes whenthe silence between two people is comfortable."
David Tyson Gentry
"Friendship is a treasured gift, and every time I talk with you I feel as if I'm getting richer and richer."
Friendship Saying
"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."
"A friend is like father who scolds you,
like mother who caress you,
like sister who teases you,
like brother who fights you,
in short combine all worldly relations
you will have a friend and
that's what makes a friend above all relations "
Dr. Amanullah
"Daddy, why are you crying and laughing at the same time?"
"Baby, thats what you do when a friend touches your heart" James N
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
we can talk about robots, just don't write it down
I'm teaching class at a military base. I was told by the woman who purchased the class "Most of the students are experts in DoDAF (the theory I teach) and your software tool. This is kind of a check the box class we need for the customer, to show we've had formal training." She then went on to say that I could breeze over the theory part so the students didn't get bored.
Right. Well, there are a few problems with that statement. The first being that none of the students understand DoDAF. Oh sure, they all claim to have been doing it for years, but it's obvious from their questions they really don't have a clue, like when one woman asked me why an out of the box report contained the data it contained. I was like "uh, that's the standard information that goes in that report". She then went on to tell me that I was wrong and that this other tool she uses produces a different report.
I was like "well, does that tool support DoDAF?" No answer. "Have you double checked the content of that report against the DoDAF standard to make sure the content is in line with the standard?" No answer. Then a few minutes later, when I was on another topic, she blurted out "Well, this is what the customer wants." Okaaaaaaay, do what you like.
Then, there is a guy who sits in the front row who apparently doesn't realize my jokes are jokes. I showed the class, as part of an exercise, how I could hide data in the software tool so that it looks like it's gone, but it's really still there. I then suggested "so the day before a big deliverable, you can hide the data, and when your program manager has a heart attack, you can say 'I'll bring the data back if you give me one million dollars". No one laughed. The guy actually wrote down "hide data, one million dollars" in his student guide. When I made a joke saying "One of the mechanisms that could perform this activity is a team of killer robots, if you happen to be designing an army of killer robots". He wrote down "robots", circled it, and made an arrow pointing back to the example diagram.
I wonder what he's going to think when he goes back in 4 weeks to review his notes. I'll no doubt get an email asking about the significance of "robots".
Another guy in the class asked me if my hopkins degree was accredited. I was like "um, yes, hopkins is an accredited school". He then said all sarcastically "Ohhh, I bet everyone is so impressed when you tell them you have a degree from there". For the record, I didn't bring it up, my customer did, when she introduced me. I couldn't help but think dude, do you think people would be impressed if I made a fucking imprint of my engineering ring on your forehead?
Finally, there's Kermit. Yes. Kermit. He runs the lab where I'm teaching. He does not allow food or drink in the class room. How I am expected to talk for hours without having even water to drink, I don't know. My voice was almost gone by the end of today. People are falling asleep because they can't drink caffeine (and because the material is a little boring, not my fault, you try to make the equivalent of differential equations exciting on no caffeine).
The room where I'm teaching is under 24 video surveillance. I got in at 6 am to make sure the class was set up and ready to go with my lap top, which we couldn't test yesterday. Within 5 minutes of me pulling out my tea mug some guy came into the class and tried to confiscate it. Even though I pointed out to him it was empty he insisted I take it out of the class room IMMEDIATELY because, and I quote "people might see it and suspect there is liquid in it, and no liquid is allowed in this classroom". I would have mentioned that the human body is composed primarily of liquid, but he probably wouldn't have gotten the joke.
At one point I suggested to the class that we all act like we'd fallen asleep to see how long it would take security to respond. No one laughed. They looked at me, puzzled. The guy in the front wrote down "sleep - security responds" in his student guide.
Oh well, tomorrow's another day.
Right. Well, there are a few problems with that statement. The first being that none of the students understand DoDAF. Oh sure, they all claim to have been doing it for years, but it's obvious from their questions they really don't have a clue, like when one woman asked me why an out of the box report contained the data it contained. I was like "uh, that's the standard information that goes in that report". She then went on to tell me that I was wrong and that this other tool she uses produces a different report.
I was like "well, does that tool support DoDAF?" No answer. "Have you double checked the content of that report against the DoDAF standard to make sure the content is in line with the standard?" No answer. Then a few minutes later, when I was on another topic, she blurted out "Well, this is what the customer wants." Okaaaaaaay, do what you like.
Then, there is a guy who sits in the front row who apparently doesn't realize my jokes are jokes. I showed the class, as part of an exercise, how I could hide data in the software tool so that it looks like it's gone, but it's really still there. I then suggested "so the day before a big deliverable, you can hide the data, and when your program manager has a heart attack, you can say 'I'll bring the data back if you give me one million dollars". No one laughed. The guy actually wrote down "hide data, one million dollars" in his student guide. When I made a joke saying "One of the mechanisms that could perform this activity is a team of killer robots, if you happen to be designing an army of killer robots". He wrote down "robots", circled it, and made an arrow pointing back to the example diagram.
I wonder what he's going to think when he goes back in 4 weeks to review his notes. I'll no doubt get an email asking about the significance of "robots".
Another guy in the class asked me if my hopkins degree was accredited. I was like "um, yes, hopkins is an accredited school". He then said all sarcastically "Ohhh, I bet everyone is so impressed when you tell them you have a degree from there". For the record, I didn't bring it up, my customer did, when she introduced me. I couldn't help but think dude, do you think people would be impressed if I made a fucking imprint of my engineering ring on your forehead?
Finally, there's Kermit. Yes. Kermit. He runs the lab where I'm teaching. He does not allow food or drink in the class room. How I am expected to talk for hours without having even water to drink, I don't know. My voice was almost gone by the end of today. People are falling asleep because they can't drink caffeine (and because the material is a little boring, not my fault, you try to make the equivalent of differential equations exciting on no caffeine).
The room where I'm teaching is under 24 video surveillance. I got in at 6 am to make sure the class was set up and ready to go with my lap top, which we couldn't test yesterday. Within 5 minutes of me pulling out my tea mug some guy came into the class and tried to confiscate it. Even though I pointed out to him it was empty he insisted I take it out of the class room IMMEDIATELY because, and I quote "people might see it and suspect there is liquid in it, and no liquid is allowed in this classroom". I would have mentioned that the human body is composed primarily of liquid, but he probably wouldn't have gotten the joke.
At one point I suggested to the class that we all act like we'd fallen asleep to see how long it would take security to respond. No one laughed. They looked at me, puzzled. The guy in the front wrote down "sleep - security responds" in his student guide.
Oh well, tomorrow's another day.
cheerleaders take bones
So I rushed home right after class to go see Puppy. Since I had to leave the hotel at 530 this am I left before he got there.It turns out, Puppy has a new name. And no, it isn't Dogdaf, but it's not Buddy either. His name is Bones because he's so skinny. Here's a picture of Bones eating a pretzel. I tried to take a good picture of him but he won't sit still. This other picture is Bones with the manager holding him. Isn't he just so cute?
And that's apparently what the billion million high school cheerleaders who descended on my hotel today for reasons yet to be ascertained thought as well. They came running into the lobby, carrying a radio (seriously, who carries radios anymore?), listening to Michael Jackson's "I'm Bad".
"Ohhhhh!" they squealed "A PUPPY!" The manager looked at me and said "Can you make that noise stop?" The answer was no. They skipped over en masse, sending Bones to cower under a chair. I was like "Do you want me to take him to my room?" I was thinking Bones could eat more
But, the manager is weak. One look at the cheerleader skirts and suddenly THEY were the ones who got to take Bones to their rooms. I obviously don't want to fight with some teenagers over a dog I won't ever see again after Saturday morning. I decided to go for a run instead, and felt much better afterwards.
And I couldn't have taken Bones running with me because he doesn't want to wear a collar.
I wonder what they're doing to Bones right now. I hope they aren't dressing him up. I hope they remember to brush his teeth.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Dogdaf
I got done with my customer early today, and went to check into my hotel out here at Ft. Huachuca. Inside the lobby was a great thing, that great thing being a german shepard puppy. He's about four months old, dark brown with black spots and really nice eyes.
The manager of the hotel found him abandoned on the side of the road this morning going into work. He brought him to the hotel and was debating whether or not he was going to take him to the pound. "You're going to take this great dog to the pound?" I asked. He said he wasn't sure if he could keep him or not. I was petting Puppy while I was waiting for them to check and see if my room was ready. Then when I started down the hall to my room Puppy followed me. The manager said "I think he likes you" and asked if I wanted him. Of course I want him, but I can't keep a dog with my travel schedule.
I went to the store (I had to anyway, because I forgot to bring tea) and got Puppy some bowls, a collar, a toothbrush, a hair brush, some vitamins, food, a stuffed bear, and a leash. When I got back to the hotel Puppy was waiting for me in the lobby. I showed him the collar, but I think he thought it was kind of gay and he didn't want to wear it. He liked the toothbrush and the stuffed bear. I gave him some vitamins and he decided he wanted to hang out with me. So the manager said he could hang out in my room until the manager had to go home (he has decided to keep Puppy, at least for now).
Puppy wanted more vitamins (they are wrapped in fake bacon) so I gave him some. Then he said he wanted a piece of the butterscotch candy they gave me, for unknown reasons, when I checked in. I said "Are you sure you like this candy? Because I don't think dogs eat butterscotch." Puppy told me that he did really, really like butterscotch. He put the eyes on me until I gave him a piece.
It turns out, I was right. Puppy licked the butterscotch for a minute or two, while I was working on email, and then he dropped it on the leg of my yoga pants, covered in spit. I was like dude, and he was like oh I'm sorry, I'm just a puppy.
He wanted me to brush his hair but after a few minutes I told him I had work to do and that he should play with his bear. I thought he was doing that but then I looked over at him and saw he was biting a chair. I told him if he mauled any more furniture I was going to make him go back to the lobby, because I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a job and isn't going to pay for that chair he bit (the manager said Puppy also bit a sofa in the lobby, and he isn't going to charge me for the chair).
We decided to sit on the bed while I tweaked a few things for my class, also giving me the advantage of being able to see what he was chewing on. I was explaining to him how the software I consult on works, and how it has cool reporting features that I ran for him, but he fell asleep. Then he pretended to be in such a deep puppy sleep that when I told him we had to go back to the lobby so he could go home with the manager he wouldn't wake up. I knew he was faking it because I saw him open his eyes when he thought I wasn't looking.
I put the vitamins and brushes back into the bag and then, when he saw I was going to leave with the vitamins, he miraculously was awake. I noticed he drooled on the two good pillows instead of the manky foam ones.
I dropped him off with the manager and said that I would take him for a walk or something tomorrow if he brought Puppy in to work. The manager said he would think about it. He also was trying to come up with a name for Puppy. I suggested Galapagos, Euclid, or Dogdaf (a play on the architecture framework that I teach, DoDAF).
He said he might call him Buddy. I hope he brings Puppy back tomorrow.
The manager of the hotel found him abandoned on the side of the road this morning going into work. He brought him to the hotel and was debating whether or not he was going to take him to the pound. "You're going to take this great dog to the pound?" I asked. He said he wasn't sure if he could keep him or not. I was petting Puppy while I was waiting for them to check and see if my room was ready. Then when I started down the hall to my room Puppy followed me. The manager said "I think he likes you" and asked if I wanted him. Of course I want him, but I can't keep a dog with my travel schedule.
I went to the store (I had to anyway, because I forgot to bring tea) and got Puppy some bowls, a collar, a toothbrush, a hair brush, some vitamins, food, a stuffed bear, and a leash. When I got back to the hotel Puppy was waiting for me in the lobby. I showed him the collar, but I think he thought it was kind of gay and he didn't want to wear it. He liked the toothbrush and the stuffed bear. I gave him some vitamins and he decided he wanted to hang out with me. So the manager said he could hang out in my room until the manager had to go home (he has decided to keep Puppy, at least for now).
Puppy wanted more vitamins (they are wrapped in fake bacon) so I gave him some. Then he said he wanted a piece of the butterscotch candy they gave me, for unknown reasons, when I checked in. I said "Are you sure you like this candy? Because I don't think dogs eat butterscotch." Puppy told me that he did really, really like butterscotch. He put the eyes on me until I gave him a piece.
It turns out, I was right. Puppy licked the butterscotch for a minute or two, while I was working on email, and then he dropped it on the leg of my yoga pants, covered in spit. I was like dude, and he was like oh I'm sorry, I'm just a puppy.
He wanted me to brush his hair but after a few minutes I told him I had work to do and that he should play with his bear. I thought he was doing that but then I looked over at him and saw he was biting a chair. I told him if he mauled any more furniture I was going to make him go back to the lobby, because I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a job and isn't going to pay for that chair he bit (the manager said Puppy also bit a sofa in the lobby, and he isn't going to charge me for the chair).
We decided to sit on the bed while I tweaked a few things for my class, also giving me the advantage of being able to see what he was chewing on. I was explaining to him how the software I consult on works, and how it has cool reporting features that I ran for him, but he fell asleep. Then he pretended to be in such a deep puppy sleep that when I told him we had to go back to the lobby so he could go home with the manager he wouldn't wake up. I knew he was faking it because I saw him open his eyes when he thought I wasn't looking.
I put the vitamins and brushes back into the bag and then, when he saw I was going to leave with the vitamins, he miraculously was awake. I noticed he drooled on the two good pillows instead of the manky foam ones.
I dropped him off with the manager and said that I would take him for a walk or something tomorrow if he brought Puppy in to work. The manager said he would think about it. He also was trying to come up with a name for Puppy. I suggested Galapagos, Euclid, or Dogdaf (a play on the architecture framework that I teach, DoDAF).
He said he might call him Buddy. I hope he brings Puppy back tomorrow.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Dr. Jay saves the day
Yesterday I was doing some work, wondering if I was going to get to go out for sushi with my friends Becky, Craig, and Peter, when I got a text from Becky. Her husband Callum owns the wee garage, and he's the one that fixed my headlights. On Friday he accidentally hit himself in the eye with a pair of vice grips.
Worse, it was the same eye he had injured two years before, when a hot shard of metal penetrated it. Callum woke up yesterday with a painful eyeball, that was full of blood and swollen. Becky text said that Callum didn't want to go to the hospital but that she was worried about him, and that she probably wouldn't be able to go for sushi.
Seconds later, I got a text from my climbing partner Dr. Jay. Suddenly the little hamsters in my brain got back on the wheel. Wait a minute, I thought. Dr. Jay is...an eye doctor! And, he was at work, in an office really close to Callum's garage.
Dr. Jay agreed to see Callum and get his eye straight. Luckily the damage wasn't too bad and all Dr. Jay had to do was write Callum a prescription for some steroids. So, sushi was back on, though Callum decided not to go since his eye is looking pretty disgusting.
Everyone came over to my house, except for Peter, who couldn't come. We killed a bottle of wine, everyone made fun of my yard (I think my favorite comment was Craig's "Next time you buy rose bushes, pay the extra $2 and get ones that are alive"), and then we walked to Sushi Han, where another bottle of wine was procured and subsequently demolished. Much sushi was consumed.
Then everyone came back to my house and we drank 2 more bottles of wine. Becky and Jay didn't leave until almost 4 in the morning. We had interesting discussions about fake tits, torture, crazy drunken friends we've had, skiing, mormons, the intell community, how cats can spray things out of glands in their asses, and robot uprisings. Craig finally figured out that my phobia of midgets must come from trauma as a child watching the movie "the wizard of oz".
After everyone left I sent some drunken emails to the overlord of enterprise architecture for my company, who lives in UK and happened to be waking up right as the last bottle of wine was being consumed. I was supposed to send him a slide yesterday and didn't because it wasn't done. A short discussion ensued with the overlord where I (hee) accused him of being a robot. I don't know why I did that, except that I was drunk and thinking of robot uprisings. Then I sent him an email saying I was going to give him a turin test, realized my mistake, and then sent another email saying that I meant turing and that turin was a small town in Italy. To which he responded "And didn't Jesus get some of his clothes there too?"
So I guess I won't be fired, at least not this week. The slide still isn't done. And my head hurts.
Worse, it was the same eye he had injured two years before, when a hot shard of metal penetrated it. Callum woke up yesterday with a painful eyeball, that was full of blood and swollen. Becky text said that Callum didn't want to go to the hospital but that she was worried about him, and that she probably wouldn't be able to go for sushi.
Seconds later, I got a text from my climbing partner Dr. Jay. Suddenly the little hamsters in my brain got back on the wheel. Wait a minute, I thought. Dr. Jay is...an eye doctor! And, he was at work, in an office really close to Callum's garage.
Dr. Jay agreed to see Callum and get his eye straight. Luckily the damage wasn't too bad and all Dr. Jay had to do was write Callum a prescription for some steroids. So, sushi was back on, though Callum decided not to go since his eye is looking pretty disgusting.
Everyone came over to my house, except for Peter, who couldn't come. We killed a bottle of wine, everyone made fun of my yard (I think my favorite comment was Craig's "Next time you buy rose bushes, pay the extra $2 and get ones that are alive"), and then we walked to Sushi Han, where another bottle of wine was procured and subsequently demolished. Much sushi was consumed.
Then everyone came back to my house and we drank 2 more bottles of wine. Becky and Jay didn't leave until almost 4 in the morning. We had interesting discussions about fake tits, torture, crazy drunken friends we've had, skiing, mormons, the intell community, how cats can spray things out of glands in their asses, and robot uprisings. Craig finally figured out that my phobia of midgets must come from trauma as a child watching the movie "the wizard of oz".
After everyone left I sent some drunken emails to the overlord of enterprise architecture for my company, who lives in UK and happened to be waking up right as the last bottle of wine was being consumed. I was supposed to send him a slide yesterday and didn't because it wasn't done. A short discussion ensued with the overlord where I (hee) accused him of being a robot. I don't know why I did that, except that I was drunk and thinking of robot uprisings. Then I sent him an email saying I was going to give him a turin test, realized my mistake, and then sent another email saying that I meant turing and that turin was a small town in Italy. To which he responded "And didn't Jesus get some of his clothes there too?"
So I guess I won't be fired, at least not this week. The slide still isn't done. And my head hurts.
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