adventures in craigslisting

My colleague is still in search of work, and I often use emails to him to procrastinate putting shit on craigslist because I find it boring. Our email exchange (he tends to comment in my emails rather than respond in his own email):

Me: Okay, gotta get back to the task at hand which is putting some of my stuff on ebay. I am the worst at writing item descriptions. I start out with some random, rambling story to get people's attention but then fail to put in useful information like sizes or measurements.

 

> So you're probably the source for some of the famous Craig's List ads then?
 

I just sold my versa climber on craigslist today. Sorry to see it go but I can't do it with my knee anymore. I was worried the guy who came to look at it would be a serial murderer but he was just an overweight programmer looking for exercise equipment. He almost fell off the versa climber while trying it out which was a bit nerve racking as I'm not sure my home owner's insurance would cover that. Was hoping my dear machine would go to a better home.

> A better one missed, but at least its a "needy" one...

 

Oh well. He paid me in part with a $50 bill and I realized I've never in my life been in possession of a bill that was over $20. I had to look at it closely because I've never seen one before.

>  Just had a $100 the other day - a shower gift...  It is strange.

a lost title results in spring cleaning

The other day I was on a boring conference call and decided to clean out my filing cabinet, which is right next to my desk. In the process of doing that I realized I have no idea where the title to my car is.

Two years ago I decided to clean out a bunch of paperwork I had for my consulting gigs and moved a bunch of files I don't need to access very much into a cabinet above the closet in my guest room. I figured the title would be in there so today decided to search for it.

I did not find the title but did find a bunch of papers I don't need anymore. It all started out so innocently, throwing away old expense reports. Then I started throwing away my training materials, old pictures, and software CDs (bye bye XP!).

Then I decided to get rid of my music CDs and photo printer. Then I decided to clean out the cabinets over the closet in my room. The hour I estimated for my title search turned into an all day thing.

Anyway, someone who shops at goodwill is going to be psyched because among other things I donated 4 coach bags and 4 coach wallets there today. Just couldn't be bothered to put them on eBay. And, btw, what is up with the crazy people on Denver's craigslist? I sold a few things there and would get emails at 10 o'clock at night from guys asking if they could stop by around 11:30 that evening to look at my versa climber, sleeping bag, etc.

As. If.

Maybe I shouldn't clean when I'm depressed but I am a big proponent of getting rid of things that I've forgotten I have. And it turns out it's pretty easy to get a duplicate title in Colorado. All you have to do is mail in a form and $8.20. They send the new title to you, eventually.

Tomorrow I'm going to paint my treadmill desk with some glitter paint. Should look cool, or horrible.

nothing says "thank you" like a drink of death

I have a neighbor that I do jobs for, like fixing plumbing stuff and working on her swamp cooler. I got an email from her on Friday. The wind storms we had last week caused part of her fence to collapse and she wondered if I might be able to fix it.

fence was all fucked up

 Even though I don't know anything about fences I told her I would give it the old college try. I managed to get it put back together with a few brackets and stuff. It's not perfect but she's going to have the whole top part of the fence replaced this summer.

at least it's sort of back together now

She offered me money for fixing it, which made me feel really embarrassed and of course I didn't take it. So she said she was going to make me a nutri bullet drink. I had no idea what that was but it sounded interesting so I was like "cool!" She brought it over to my house as I was putting my tools away. I took a cautious, tiny sip to be polite and immediately my tongue started swelling. I asked what was in the drink.

"Pear, avocado, almonds, honey, and milk (plus some other stuff)." How nice, I thought, about the only food I have a severe allergy to that wasn't in the drink is shellfish.

I went inside and took 2 benedryl which is making me feel super hyper. I did not say anything to my neighbor about my allergies.

FH texted me:  

Nothing says thank you like a poison drink. Is she from ancient Rome?

Hahaha!

while cheering up a colleague I make a startling discovery about Mr. Potato Head

I have a colleague who was recently laid off. We have stayed in touch trying to keep each other's spirits up. He sent me this link to David Thorne's blog:

I don't have an excuse to ever be in a bad mood again.  Just have to read another of David's posts...

This one provided today's laughs - pure genius.  Know you will appreciate this... http://www.27bslash6.com/function4sports.html

In response I wrote:

Thanks for sharing! I wonder how famous David Thorne is. Seems like he would be a fun guy to have a drink with.

In other news, I am still making inquiries about that job post you forwarded but no one seems to know a thing. My assumption, based on something I heard in a meeting, is that it might be for X. And it wouldn't surprise me if he put the posting out and then totally forgot so when I asked him he had no knowledge of it. He seems like a good enough guy but boy is he scatter brained. And full of really stupid ideas. And, unfortunately, something about him reminds me of Mr. Potato Head so every time I see or talk to him that jingle about Mr. Potato Head plays in my head and makes his ideas sound even more stupid.

Oh shit. I just looked up the Mr. Potato Head jingle on youtube and realized that the song in my head must be one I made up because it's different. I wonder if there were regionally tailored Mr. Potato Head songs? Or did my brain really conjure up that jingle, which is horrible?

Self doubt sets in. I guess that's what I get for making fun of X.
 
...and since I'm an aspie I just did a search on the words of the jingle and realized that it's the jingle for Strawberry Short Cake but in my mind it's about Mr. Potato Head.
 
Possibly that false memory was caused by a severe concussion I suffered falling off the roof onto my head when I was 7...

Which reminds me, I did my medical assessment thing today in the hopes I might get the promised $150 for completing it. I lied and said I only drank 2 glasses of wine a night and they said I drink too much. Ha. My DOCTOR is the one who told me to drink at least 2 glasses of wine a day and that was when I was on chemo. Also, it said I need to sign up for a weight management plan. At first I was insulted but then realized the stupid computer thinks I'm underweight. I have very small bones so I weigh less than other people and the medical assessment can fuck off about that - even my head is abnormally small. I figure I'll lie on the next survey and say I quit drinking and gained 5 pounds and then be like "so send me my money bitches!"

In unrelated news I took an hour break from work today and went to home depot and procured Martha Stewart green glitter paint for my treadmill desk. Will send you a pic when I get it painted. It's sort of a calming green but like a calming green after a nuclear holocaust.

I've been typing this while sitting in on a meeting with B and K on coordinating a bunch of acronymic groups with our practice. Having failed to ask at the beginning of the call what the acronyms stand for I was immediately bored and decided to check in with you. I think I got an assignment but I'm not sure because I was listening to the Mr. Potato Head jingle trying to reform that memory. Now I have a slight head ache and would really like a glass of wine.

Well, you've just wasted precious moments of your life reading the above, and I apologize. Hope things are going well and that you're getting some promising leads on the job front. Keep me posted and I'll continue looking around.

mazel tov and happy monday!