Below are some scenarios that recently happened to me at work. Guess where I'm working.
Me: Um, it appears you've made some changes to the meta model without clearing them through the governance board.
Client: There is no governance board.
Me: In addition, you're using terms like "application component" in a non-standard way. We need to fix this.
Client: This meta model and its definition can't be changed, it's taken me a year to get it approved. I can't go back and ask for a change after spending so much time getting an approval.
Me: So there is a governance board that approved this?
Client: No.
Me: So can we go talk to the people who approved these changes and explain why we have to make more changes?
Client: I don't think they would be receptive to that.
Me: Can you tell me who the people are at least that approved this?
Client: Me.
Me: And you're the only approver.
Client: Yes
This happened in:
a. Kazakhstan
b. the Middle East
c. Texas
(as I'm stuffing my work badge into my backpack in the lobby of the client building leaving for the day today)
Security: Excuse me, you are violating a VERY IMPORTANT security policy that you must wear a badge at all times.
Me: But, I'm leaving (as I'm standing 2 feet from the door to the outside world)
Security: But you are in the building so you must wear your badge at all times
Me: But when I drop off my badge at the end of the week I'm allowed to walk through the lobby without it.
Security: Don't make me write you up for a security violation!
This happened in:
a. Kazakhstan
b. the Middle East
c. Texas
Client: I'm very upset. Your software stopped working last night!
Me: It just randomly stopped working?
Client: Yes.
Me: I find that very hard to believe. Maybe there was some kind of automatic update to your computer last night? Or you may have changed something?
Client: We do our updates manually. I didn't change anything. Your software is broken!
Me: Can you show me?
(I look at his computer and see the software is working except for some hyper links)
Me: The software is working, just the hyper links are broken. And I'm getting a message that the JDK was updated to a different version than you had previously installed.
Client: I updated that last night.
Me: But didn't we discuss yesterday afternoon not to do that upgrade because that JDK version is not supported? Don't you remember me sending you a link to the web page stating that?
Client: That's not the point. The point is the software isn't working.
This happened in:
a. Kazakhstan
b. the Middle East
c. Texas
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
my family and natural disasters
My sister, mom, and brother experienced the earthquake in Virginia. The emails (how a family of engineers deal with a crisis):
My sister Cat:
Pretty interesting, got hit by a book off a bookshelf but otherwise nothing happened from the stupid quake. Hope everyone fared well! Kind of interested to get home and see if anything fell/broke. All is well!
My dad:
Earthquake about 4 miles deep, not too far north of I-64 between Charlottesville and Richmond (south of Lake Anna)...Mary (my mom) said she felt it shake the house pretty good, but everything seems OK. And this weekend we'll get hit with a hurricane there! (maybe he's too excited about the hurricane - but my dad loves weather)
my sister:
Hurricane should be a non-event here. At least the hurricane would put out the fire in the great dismal swamp!!! (dismal swamp has been a big conversation in the family)
My brother Bob:
Unfortunately it stopped before I could get my phone out - I was going to try to use the accelerometers in it to measure the vibration (who's the biggest geek of all???). I even have just the perfect app that I wrote for measuring my car's acceleration.
Just got home, nothing seems out of place or disturbed, although Rocco (his cat) was uncharacteristically affectionate when I walked through the door.
It's comical to read about the overblown knee-jerk reaction of everyone (especially Congress). It simply wasn't that powerful.
A scare-mongering quote from washingtonpost.com:
OK, EVERYBODY PANIC :)
I'm not making this up, it's an actual headline.
OH GOD: The First Photo Of The DC Earthquake Devastation:
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2011-08-23/oh-god-the-first-photo-of-the-dc-earthquake-devastation/
my brother Steve:
Events like this and our upcoming Uranium Mining report should make it fairly interesting in the state. The real damage was to Verizon and ATT, I thought after 9/11 they had their system setup for events where everyone calls everyone from their phones. I never lost my data connection, but the voice and text were shot. One of our project directors sent me a text I will never get that reads, "Steve, what did you drop? The whole building is shaking."
my brother Bob:
Have you been fracking in Mineral, VA?
Thanks for writing my blog today sibs. You're funnier than I am :D
My sister Cat:
Pretty interesting, got hit by a book off a bookshelf but otherwise nothing happened from the stupid quake. Hope everyone fared well! Kind of interested to get home and see if anything fell/broke. All is well!
My dad:
Earthquake about 4 miles deep, not too far north of I-64 between Charlottesville and Richmond (south of Lake Anna)...Mary (my mom) said she felt it shake the house pretty good, but everything seems OK. And this weekend we'll get hit with a hurricane there! (maybe he's too excited about the hurricane - but my dad loves weather)
my sister:
Hurricane should be a non-event here. At least the hurricane would put out the fire in the great dismal swamp!!! (dismal swamp has been a big conversation in the family)
My brother Bob:
Unfortunately it stopped before I could get my phone out - I was going to try to use the accelerometers in it to measure the vibration (who's the biggest geek of all???). I even have just the perfect app that I wrote for measuring my car's acceleration.
Just got home, nothing seems out of place or disturbed, although Rocco (his cat) was uncharacteristically affectionate when I walked through the door.
It's comical to read about the overblown knee-jerk reaction of everyone (especially Congress). It simply wasn't that powerful.
A scare-mongering quote from washingtonpost.com:
Minutes after the quake, the director of the U.S. Geological Survey, Marcia McNutt — who watched objects falling from the shelves in her office — cautioned that the shaking might not be over.
“What the concern is, of course, is that this is a foreshock,” she said. “If it’s a foreshock, then the worst is yet to come.”
OK, EVERYBODY PANIC :)
I'm not making this up, it's an actual headline.
OH GOD: The First Photo Of The DC Earthquake Devastation:
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2011-08-23/oh-god-the-first-photo-of-the-dc-earthquake-devastation/
my brother Steve:
Events like this and our upcoming Uranium Mining report should make it fairly interesting in the state. The real damage was to Verizon and ATT, I thought after 9/11 they had their system setup for events where everyone calls everyone from their phones. I never lost my data connection, but the voice and text were shot. One of our project directors sent me a text I will never get that reads, "Steve, what did you drop? The whole building is shaking."
my brother Bob:
Have you been fracking in Mineral, VA?
Thanks for writing my blog today sibs. You're funnier than I am :D
Monday, August 22, 2011
worst nature walk ever
This weekend I hung out with my dad, who is doing really well with his chemo (he's barely lost any hair). We decided on Saturday to go for a walk so he could show me a nature trail in his neighborhood that he recently discovered. It turned out to be fraught with danger, and we barely escaped with our lives. Okay, slight exaggeration but actually it's not.
The trail was in the woods, the trail was damp, and it was overgrown in places. My snake sense was tingling like crazy so I was looking down at the trail to make sure one didn't sneak out of the undergrowth and bite me. I barely registered a family in front of us with three noisy girls ages 5 - 8. I almost bumped into my dad when he stopped, and I looked up, noticing the father of the girls was taking pictures. Oh, more boring pictures of trees I thought. Then my dad said "that's one hell of a snake".
I looked over to the area where the dad was pointing his camera and saw a HUGE black snake cruising along a cleared area. My brain was like "FUCK ME" but then I managed to suppress the urge to run. "You better get the fuck away from me RIGHT NOW!" I yelled at the snake (it was 10 feet away so technically not that close, but, how close is too close for a 5 foot black snake?).
The snake seemed to turn its head towards me so I made the meanest face I can, which is my serial murderer face. Surprisingly the snake high tailed it down a hole. It' looked like a corkscrew it was going down the hole so fast. I was like "you better run you fucker!" and my dad said "good job! you scared the snake!"
The annoying family in front of us was moving slow and my dad thought about passing them and then, thankfully, said "let's go up this other trail and look at the swimming pool". I didn't want to look at the pool, and wanted to pass the family instead, but I followed him. That diversion literally probably saved my life.
After we looked at the pool and the tennis courts, basketball court, and playground, we headed back into the woods to finish the nature trail. I heard shrieking coming from the girls farther down the trail. I said to my dad "that's weird, it sounds like something bad is happening and not like they're playing around". Seconds later the (I guessed to be) 6 year old girl came running towards us screaming, seriously, at the top of her lungs. "What the fuck?" I thought to myself.
She said "we were attacked! we were attacked!" I said "what do you mean?" and she showed me her arm which had 5 large welts on it. Apparently the family had been attacked by yellow jackets. The rest of the family (maybe they were idiots) were still standing in the area getting attacked. The 6 year old girl had run away.
I found more bites on her legs and back but she was so hysterical I couldn't do anything to help her. I asked where her parents were and she said "still back there!" No way was I going to go get them since I have an anaphylactic allergy to yellow jacket stings. I started yelling for the parents and then the 8 year old came up. Finally, after a few minutes, the mom came lumbering up with a toy poodle in her arms. I said "your daughter has been stung at least 10 times by yellow jackets - you need to get her out of here now!" Of course the dad and grandfather were still in the area of the yellow jackets.
We all started walking out of the woods. The 5 year old kept flipping out screaming about being in pain or getting stung again (she was right behind me and I was like oh god she is attracting bugs like crazy and they might get me). Finally we came to the trail divide and my dad and I decided to take the pool trail and walk home on the road. All the little girls were screaming and hysterical and we couldn't take it anymore.
We ran into them getting into their car as we circled around the trail on the road. The 5 year old was taking benedryll. The six year old and the father had been stung multiple times on the face (and other places). The mom had been stung on the ass. It was horrible. I don't know why they didn't run when the first yellow jacket hit the 5 year old.
As we headed back to the house I couldn't help feeling lucky that we didn't pass them. If I had been attacked by yellow jackets I might not be writing this. And I told my dad I'm not going into those woods again until it's fucking winter.
The trail was in the woods, the trail was damp, and it was overgrown in places. My snake sense was tingling like crazy so I was looking down at the trail to make sure one didn't sneak out of the undergrowth and bite me. I barely registered a family in front of us with three noisy girls ages 5 - 8. I almost bumped into my dad when he stopped, and I looked up, noticing the father of the girls was taking pictures. Oh, more boring pictures of trees I thought. Then my dad said "that's one hell of a snake".
I looked over to the area where the dad was pointing his camera and saw a HUGE black snake cruising along a cleared area. My brain was like "FUCK ME" but then I managed to suppress the urge to run. "You better get the fuck away from me RIGHT NOW!" I yelled at the snake (it was 10 feet away so technically not that close, but, how close is too close for a 5 foot black snake?).
The snake seemed to turn its head towards me so I made the meanest face I can, which is my serial murderer face. Surprisingly the snake high tailed it down a hole. It' looked like a corkscrew it was going down the hole so fast. I was like "you better run you fucker!" and my dad said "good job! you scared the snake!"
The annoying family in front of us was moving slow and my dad thought about passing them and then, thankfully, said "let's go up this other trail and look at the swimming pool". I didn't want to look at the pool, and wanted to pass the family instead, but I followed him. That diversion literally probably saved my life.
After we looked at the pool and the tennis courts, basketball court, and playground, we headed back into the woods to finish the nature trail. I heard shrieking coming from the girls farther down the trail. I said to my dad "that's weird, it sounds like something bad is happening and not like they're playing around". Seconds later the (I guessed to be) 6 year old girl came running towards us screaming, seriously, at the top of her lungs. "What the fuck?" I thought to myself.
She said "we were attacked! we were attacked!" I said "what do you mean?" and she showed me her arm which had 5 large welts on it. Apparently the family had been attacked by yellow jackets. The rest of the family (maybe they were idiots) were still standing in the area getting attacked. The 6 year old girl had run away.
I found more bites on her legs and back but she was so hysterical I couldn't do anything to help her. I asked where her parents were and she said "still back there!" No way was I going to go get them since I have an anaphylactic allergy to yellow jacket stings. I started yelling for the parents and then the 8 year old came up. Finally, after a few minutes, the mom came lumbering up with a toy poodle in her arms. I said "your daughter has been stung at least 10 times by yellow jackets - you need to get her out of here now!" Of course the dad and grandfather were still in the area of the yellow jackets.
We all started walking out of the woods. The 5 year old kept flipping out screaming about being in pain or getting stung again (she was right behind me and I was like oh god she is attracting bugs like crazy and they might get me). Finally we came to the trail divide and my dad and I decided to take the pool trail and walk home on the road. All the little girls were screaming and hysterical and we couldn't take it anymore.
We ran into them getting into their car as we circled around the trail on the road. The 5 year old was taking benedryll. The six year old and the father had been stung multiple times on the face (and other places). The mom had been stung on the ass. It was horrible. I don't know why they didn't run when the first yellow jacket hit the 5 year old.
As we headed back to the house I couldn't help feeling lucky that we didn't pass them. If I had been attacked by yellow jackets I might not be writing this. And I told my dad I'm not going into those woods again until it's fucking winter.
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