My friend Pete G. sent me this article this morning (thank you PG!!!!):
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-shark7-2010mar07,0,5015116.story
While I agree with one of the comments that what is presented here as new information is actually old news, I liked the way this article portrayed great whites. And, going way back to Banff, it made me think again about why I like great whites. I guess it's in part because I'm like a great white (except I don't eat squid because I'm allergic).
-great whites migrate 1,600 miles to eat squid; I have been known to drive pretty far to eat sushi (one time driving from Estes Park to Baltimore straight so I could get to this sushi place because it was Friday when I left Estes Park and the sushi place was closed on Sunday, so I had to get there by Saturday)
-great whites are popular and inscrutable - sounds like me
-great whites are sharks that come to the coast, but don't live there - I fly to the coasts often (east and west) but wouldn't live in either place again (unless I was super rich)
-great whites are described in the article as "Nomads but not outlaws, they yearn for a home" - and I am a britishly anointed nomad, who would like a home, even though I have one, but it doesn't count because I'm never there - also, if it weren't too much to ask, I'd like a home that didn't need so many repairs
Also, I will take this moment to mention that I bought a bag of french canadian potato chips. I thought they were something else, because they had a tomato on the front of them (the title of the bag was "President's Choice" and then it said "Assaisonnees" and under that was a tomato - I was like hmmm, if the president eats this, maybe I should too - I thought it was going to be something exciting). It turns out they are ketchup flavored potato chips. That's right, ketchup.
For fuck's sake canada...what's wrong with you guys? That has to be one of the most disgusting things I've put in my mouth. Lately.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
pardon my french
I'm dealing with a customer group right now that has decided to only speak french, even though I'm pretty sure everyone in the group speaks english. I will readily admit here that not speaking another language is a huge failing of mine. But, if you hire an english speaking consultant, what language do you THINK they are going to speak?
That made for an interesting day yesterday. I was creating models in french as they spelled words for me (I was like what fucking letter is "vu"?????). The day went slowly because the customer was being...shall we say...shy about sharing information.
So today I decided to speak french to them. No, I don't know french. I just made shit up. I was trying to capture a business function for training, so I called it "le traineur". I greeted them with "bon jer!" every time they came into the room. I said it when they were leaving too because I don't know how to say good bye.
Weirdly, that seemed to have a positive effect. In most countries where I've worked the locals look at me like "oh shut up" when I try to speak their language. These people look at me in equal parts confused about what I'm trying to say, horrified by my pronunciation, and yet amused at how much of an idiot I am. I think to them listening to me speak french is like watching a bunch of retards play soccer (that wasn't politically correct, but if that's what you're looking for you're reading the wrong blog). Also, they are speaking english to me now, I guess because they realize I'm not going to judge them on their skills (or lack thereof).
And somehow, chalk it up to 5 years of latin, I'm starting to learn french words. I can translate about 70% of the written content I'm using without having to ask what words mean.
Though, I can't understand a damn thing they are saying to me. It took me almost the entire afternoon to figure out "vu ase beh" is how they refer to a USB drive. Just say it really fast. Then tell me you could have figured it out more quickly.
That made for an interesting day yesterday. I was creating models in french as they spelled words for me (I was like what fucking letter is "vu"?????). The day went slowly because the customer was being...shall we say...shy about sharing information.
So today I decided to speak french to them. No, I don't know french. I just made shit up. I was trying to capture a business function for training, so I called it "le traineur". I greeted them with "bon jer!" every time they came into the room. I said it when they were leaving too because I don't know how to say good bye.
Weirdly, that seemed to have a positive effect. In most countries where I've worked the locals look at me like "oh shut up" when I try to speak their language. These people look at me in equal parts confused about what I'm trying to say, horrified by my pronunciation, and yet amused at how much of an idiot I am. I think to them listening to me speak french is like watching a bunch of retards play soccer (that wasn't politically correct, but if that's what you're looking for you're reading the wrong blog). Also, they are speaking english to me now, I guess because they realize I'm not going to judge them on their skills (or lack thereof).
And somehow, chalk it up to 5 years of latin, I'm starting to learn french words. I can translate about 70% of the written content I'm using without having to ask what words mean.
Though, I can't understand a damn thing they are saying to me. It took me almost the entire afternoon to figure out "vu ase beh" is how they refer to a USB drive. Just say it really fast. Then tell me you could have figured it out more quickly.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
crazy plane ladies
Even though I just got back from the UAE, I had to fly to Montreal today. I'll be here 3 weeks. I won't comment on the fact that OTHER consultants take a week off for just doing a three week engagement overseas, except to say I am obviously doing something wrong.
I had to fly Delta because my stupid company is cheap and they are our "preferred" airline. Why, I don't know. I've flown them 10 times in the past year and every time the trip turned into a shit show.
Today was no different. Back in the day, before my wonderful little company got bought out by a shitty large company, we always flew direct to our destination. But no. I had to fly through Detroit so my company could save $200 (less the $30 baggage fee that I wouldn't have had to pay taking the direct flight because it would have been with United, and shit, I spend so much time on their planes I think I have employee status). My flight out of Denver was delayed an hour and half and I arrived in Detroit 10 minutes before the flight to Montreal was taking off (remember the good old days when they would let you on as long as you were there before the flight's take off time?).
So I'm sitting on this plane full of aggro people who are missing their flights. And then, for some reason, it took like a billion years for them to open the door. I was in a window seat (HATE the window seat) and was tired from getting up at 4 in the morning and then listening to this shit of a 3 year old cry for the entire 2 1/2 hour flight (plus the hour we spent on the runway). I wanted off the plane, so I was trying to maneuver myself as close to the aisle as possible by hunching over the middle seat. I was wearing sunglasses.
Suddenly, this woman behind me goes "Oh my god...Drew Barrymore?" I start looking around the plane. Then I realize she's talking to me. Everyone behind her started shoving forward to see what was going on. I was like "Lady, if I were Drew Barrymore, do you really think I'd be flying on this shit plane?" She was like "but you look JUST LIKE Drew Barrymore" (which is totally false). Then the bitch grabbed a piece of my hair and pulled it. I was like dude what the fuck are you doing? and she was like "you are just so cute!". I was like get me off this fucking plane before I kill someone.
Then, on my rescheduled flight to Montreal I swear the stewardess was hitting on me. I was sitting on the aisle. I asked for some orange juice when it was drink time and when she handed it to me I thanked her. She was like "Oh, thank you for saying thank you. I really appreciate it." I was like um, okay. Then she leaned down and whispered in my ear "I can give you some extra pretzels as long as you don't tell any of the other passengers". I was like "thanks, but I don't want any pretzels" and then she says "Wow! You sounded just like a doctor when you said that!" Finding that comment completely random and insane, I responded "I am a doctor actually. I have a PhD in astrophysics." And then she said "That sounds so exciting! Maybe you can do my chart later!"
Ech. Then she winked at me when she was collecting up the used cups. I had to pretend to be comatose for the rest of the flight even though these two fucking kids behind me were being noisy and kicking the back of my seat (note to parents - do not bring your kids on a plane unless you've sedated them first). When I deplaned she shook my hand and said "It was a real pleasure having you on board".
No, really. The pleasure was all mine.
I had to fly Delta because my stupid company is cheap and they are our "preferred" airline. Why, I don't know. I've flown them 10 times in the past year and every time the trip turned into a shit show.
Today was no different. Back in the day, before my wonderful little company got bought out by a shitty large company, we always flew direct to our destination. But no. I had to fly through Detroit so my company could save $200 (less the $30 baggage fee that I wouldn't have had to pay taking the direct flight because it would have been with United, and shit, I spend so much time on their planes I think I have employee status). My flight out of Denver was delayed an hour and half and I arrived in Detroit 10 minutes before the flight to Montreal was taking off (remember the good old days when they would let you on as long as you were there before the flight's take off time?).
So I'm sitting on this plane full of aggro people who are missing their flights. And then, for some reason, it took like a billion years for them to open the door. I was in a window seat (HATE the window seat) and was tired from getting up at 4 in the morning and then listening to this shit of a 3 year old cry for the entire 2 1/2 hour flight (plus the hour we spent on the runway). I wanted off the plane, so I was trying to maneuver myself as close to the aisle as possible by hunching over the middle seat. I was wearing sunglasses.
Suddenly, this woman behind me goes "Oh my god...Drew Barrymore?" I start looking around the plane. Then I realize she's talking to me. Everyone behind her started shoving forward to see what was going on. I was like "Lady, if I were Drew Barrymore, do you really think I'd be flying on this shit plane?" She was like "but you look JUST LIKE Drew Barrymore" (which is totally false). Then the bitch grabbed a piece of my hair and pulled it. I was like dude what the fuck are you doing? and she was like "you are just so cute!". I was like get me off this fucking plane before I kill someone.
Then, on my rescheduled flight to Montreal I swear the stewardess was hitting on me. I was sitting on the aisle. I asked for some orange juice when it was drink time and when she handed it to me I thanked her. She was like "Oh, thank you for saying thank you. I really appreciate it." I was like um, okay. Then she leaned down and whispered in my ear "I can give you some extra pretzels as long as you don't tell any of the other passengers". I was like "thanks, but I don't want any pretzels" and then she says "Wow! You sounded just like a doctor when you said that!" Finding that comment completely random and insane, I responded "I am a doctor actually. I have a PhD in astrophysics." And then she said "That sounds so exciting! Maybe you can do my chart later!"
Ech. Then she winked at me when she was collecting up the used cups. I had to pretend to be comatose for the rest of the flight even though these two fucking kids behind me were being noisy and kicking the back of my seat (note to parents - do not bring your kids on a plane unless you've sedated them first). When I deplaned she shook my hand and said "It was a real pleasure having you on board".
No, really. The pleasure was all mine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
