funny, flying, and veggies

Today at work my colleague B ate a doughnut that was sitting on my colleague C's desk. He does stuff like that on purpose to piss her off. So when she got back to her desk I ratted B out. Then we tried to think of a good joke to play on him. My suggestion was to tell him that C had pulled the doughnut out of the trash to give to a homeless person. C's was better. She decided to tell him that it was sitting on her desk because she was going to throw it away because it had fallen on the floor in the women's bathroom.

The conversation went something like this:

B: I ate your doughnut.
C: Oh my god! I was going to throw it away because it fell on the floor in the women's bathroom!
B: I wondered why it tasted familiar.

Hahaha!

B also said to me "oh, I have a present for you for your anti social network shit". I thought he had made me a PINSM. Instead he brought me these:

I said "but you also have to make me a PINSM" and he said "I can't draw" - um....and I can????

Then I talked to him about when I'm getting my new laptop because my current laptop sucks a bag of dicks. He said "next week, and don't make me another one of those gay ass fucking pictures of rats and shit". And I said "you mean a PINSM?" and he said "one of those gay ass fucking post it notes with pictures of shit on it that you give to people because you have asperger's" and I said "you mean a PINSM?" and that went on until finally he said "yes, a PINSM". Then he left and didn't come back to my desk for the rest of the day.

In other news, I'm going to learn how to fly an airplane. A guy I work with is getting his instructor's license and I'm going to be his first student because, he said and I quote, "I know you'll be an asshole." I'm so excited I've already started studying. If all goes as scheduled my lessons will start in February.

In other news my garden is finally rallying:

black tomatoes!!!! I can't wait to try them!!!!

I also grew these. I wonder what they are. Cucumbers? I thought that was the container where I planted the arugula.

squash! I have a feeling I'm going to have to shoot some squirrels to defend my garden

splinter

From the annals of useless friends:

Me: I have a splinter. (I sent him a pic of a splinter in my right index finger)
J: That looks like a good hand for slapping people.
Me: I only slap transvestites but am respectful of their eyelashes (NOTE: this referred to an earlier discussion where J asked what I would do if he showed up one day wearing fake eyelashes and I said I was okay with him being a transvestite - I would NOT slap a transvestite). I still have a splinter.
J: You better get that out before it becomes infected and you have to amputate it.
Me: Do I need that finger? I guess for typing. I could get a fake finger like in the royal tenenbaums. I could 3D print a bunch of them for different uses (gun, knife, stapler, pencil sharpener, label maker, ph tester, etc).

I can't get it out. I've tried tape, elmer's glue, a safety pin, tweezers, and telekinesis. I guess I'll have to resort to a time machine to go back to the moment before I got the splinter. That's going to suck up most of the evening. 
J: [no response]
Me: (a day later) I finally got the splinter out!
J: About time!
F: Thanks, J, for your help...[insert pic of me giving him the finger]

scary safeway and other things

I had to make cookies for a guy at work who helped me with my laptop this week (it stopped working, along with 8 other laptops, I lost two days of working trying to get it fixed) so I had to go to scary safeway to get the ingredients. And I decided to cook some other things this weekend.

While I was in the cooking aisle trying to find a cookie sheet a random, 20 something guy walked up to me and said "I got a tattoo. Let me show you." It was the iron man man (on his right calf) and then he proceeded to tell me that since he did the iron man he decided to get the tattoo but he asked his mom first to make sure it was okay with her because he's from Louisiana and they don't get tattoos there and he hopes his kids don't get tattoos because he doesn't like them.

As he paused to take a breath I said "Oh, well that's great. Have a good day." As I walked away he said "see ya later!"

And then there was a big brawl at the store entrance. The cops were trying to break it up. I managed to walk around the brawl with my groceries unscathed.

my kombucha is done and it tastes awesome!

I made a beef stew which tastes awesome too - although, it's kind of retarded to make stew when it's 90 degrees outside

I took two stew recipes and combined them

the scoby from my kombucha - I'm going to give the smaller one to someone at work

orzo enchilada thing that I made - I keep modifying the recipe to make it better

for the stew I slow boiled some guiness (the recipe did mention to do that) - the beer got thick, it was pretty cool

I saw this at the grocery and had to take a picture of it - "I don't have any arms!!!"

new tea I got for my next batch of kombucha from Tea Cloud - that place is SO amazing and their tea is the best I've had in the US