It's all hazing, but funny...
1. Smoking a fake cigarette in my cube.
2. Smoking a fake cigarette outside but not in the smoker's area (they are going to set up a fake smoker's area for me so I don't have to stand near the smokers).
3. Walking too fast in the hallway (apparently I scared someone with my fast walking).
4. Failing to turn off my cube lights (that cost me 2 tacos).
5. Not holding onto the hand rail while going down the steps (when I told my friend Dorothy about that she said "did you trip while you were walking down the stairs?" - hahaha!!!!).
6. Having my ID turned the wrong way (even though I tried to explain it was turned the wrong way because it was tangled in my scarf and my cube mate was trying to help me untangle it).
7. Leaving tangerines on my desk on a day our office was inspected (I have by far the cleanest work area of anyone).
8. Eating cookies in the tornado shelter.
9. Clicking too many times on a button to launch a test on information assurance (how was I supposed to know it takes 10 minutes to load).
10. Not wearing a red shirt on red shirt day (I failed to comprehend how I would know when the next red day shirt is happening so I was advised to keep a red shirt in my car at all times).
In other news, today someone brought in doughnuts and a guy choked as he was eating his and then he said "that chocolate doughnut went down the wrong hole". The guys had a field day with that.
And tomorrow I've been invited to another art show my neighbor is having. This one is called "Knotty by Nature" and features a Korean artist who does shibari art. Should be...interesting.
Friday, May 1, 2015
a security event screws up my Thursday evening
Yesterday
we had something crazy happen. The alarm for a secured area has been randomly
going off. For whatever reason it went off last night right as I was
about to go home. The police came and barricaded our building and
wouldn't let anyone leave. Then they started calling the three people
who knew the code to turn the alarm off and finally got in touch with a
woman (she was at a gas station). Because the code is secret she had to
come back to the base instead of giving it to the officer over the phone. It took 45 minutes for her to get back to base. Meanwhile the cops stood in
front of the doors with their guns. We were all like seriously??????? They
had to because the alarm going off is a security event but it seemed a
little stupid to have guns, especially since they knew the security event was a faulty alarm.
Anyway,
there were just a few of us left (this place is empty by 430, at this
point it was almost 6 pm). It was me, two african american men, and one
african american woman. After the cops left the building we were told by
security that we could leave. The people I had been hanging out with
were like "you go out first!" because the cops were still in the parking
lot. They were honestly afraid they would get in trouble or something.
So I walked out first, followed by the woman and then the two men. The
woman asked me to walk her to her car just to be sure everything was
okay, and then she followed me out of the parking lot. After we were a a mile away from the office she pulled up next to me at a stop sign and said
she was going to hang out with me from now on because I'll keep her out
of trouble.
Ha.
Monday, April 27, 2015
play off
I was set up on a sort of blind date last Thursday. The victim in question is a retired hockey player. I thought, perfect, I'll finally learn something about hockey.
The date Thursday got off to a bad start when I went to the wrong bar (do you know how many bars are called the Tavern in Denver? a lot). But all seemed to be forgiven when I finally showed up at the right bar. We made a plan to meet at his house Friday for thai food and then the hockey playoffs.
Friday morning he texted me that he was going to play golf. I had gotten to work super early so I could leave at a decent hour (it's hard having an hour commute after all these years of plane commuting). Traffic heading home was horrible and took an hour. That left me 20 minutes to make myself look decent enough to go on a second date. As I was rushing around trying to figure out what to wear and do something with my hair he called.
date: What do you want to eat?
me: What thai restaurant is it, I'll look up the menu.
d: I'll just order chicken.
A few minutes later he called me back:
d: It's going to take them 25 minutes for carry out and I don't want to wait, so can you pick the food up? I'll pay for it.
Now, think about that for a second. I spent 2 hours of my day commuting and 8 hours working. He was playing golf. And he picked a restaurant on Colfax where parking is, to put it mildly, a big fucking challenge (I ended up parking illegally and luckily did not get a ticket). The restaurant was a mile from his house but out of the way for me. But like an idiot, I agreed to pick up the food. The evening kind of went downhill from there.
1. When I arrived with the food, he served himself, then licked the spoon, then put the food on the floor and used the same spoon to dish some of the food into his dog's bowl. Then he handed me the spoon so I could get some food. I used my fork. Dogs eat feces and lick their ass. I am not going to use a utensil that touched their food bowl.
2. He talked to his dog more than he did to me.
3. Minutes into the hockey game he complained about his hurt wrist (truth told, his wrist is really fucked up, as is the hand attached to the wrist, it was his "fighting hand" when he played hockey) so I gave him a wrist massage and he fell asleep.
4. The only thing I learned about hockey is "icing" and when I told my mom she said "that's the first thing I learned about hockey, everyone knows that". Wait, that's not true, I learned something else. When I finally decided to ask a question, which was "why aren't the guys hitting each other in the ass with their hockey sticks" I was told "this is the play offs, you don't do stuff like that in the playoffs".
I may have also made a faux pas when I first walked into his TV room because he had a number of signed footballs and I said "oh, they were all signed by quarterbacks" (full disclosure, I knew two of the signatures were quarterbacks and extrapolated that all of the balls were signed by quarterbacks). He looked at me and said "of course". But it's not like quarterbacks are the only dudes that touch the ball. So why wouldn't a running back or what ever sign a football? Was that really such a stupid comment?
Oh well. The joys of dating.
I had told some people at work about my date so today everyone wanted to know how it went. I told them the story and they were all laughing at me and then this kid that I am going to be a mentor to regarding architecture said "how could any guy not like you?" And he seemed sincere. That was sweet, though he's young and naive (and funny - today he came in late and I called him a slacker and he said "I had to go to the dentist" and then he said "did they have dentists back when you were my age?"). And my friend Jess said "oh funny, the dog went on his first date".
Guess you have to laugh.
The date Thursday got off to a bad start when I went to the wrong bar (do you know how many bars are called the Tavern in Denver? a lot). But all seemed to be forgiven when I finally showed up at the right bar. We made a plan to meet at his house Friday for thai food and then the hockey playoffs.
Friday morning he texted me that he was going to play golf. I had gotten to work super early so I could leave at a decent hour (it's hard having an hour commute after all these years of plane commuting). Traffic heading home was horrible and took an hour. That left me 20 minutes to make myself look decent enough to go on a second date. As I was rushing around trying to figure out what to wear and do something with my hair he called.
date: What do you want to eat?
me: What thai restaurant is it, I'll look up the menu.
d: I'll just order chicken.
A few minutes later he called me back:
d: It's going to take them 25 minutes for carry out and I don't want to wait, so can you pick the food up? I'll pay for it.
Now, think about that for a second. I spent 2 hours of my day commuting and 8 hours working. He was playing golf. And he picked a restaurant on Colfax where parking is, to put it mildly, a big fucking challenge (I ended up parking illegally and luckily did not get a ticket). The restaurant was a mile from his house but out of the way for me. But like an idiot, I agreed to pick up the food. The evening kind of went downhill from there.
1. When I arrived with the food, he served himself, then licked the spoon, then put the food on the floor and used the same spoon to dish some of the food into his dog's bowl. Then he handed me the spoon so I could get some food. I used my fork. Dogs eat feces and lick their ass. I am not going to use a utensil that touched their food bowl.
2. He talked to his dog more than he did to me.
3. Minutes into the hockey game he complained about his hurt wrist (truth told, his wrist is really fucked up, as is the hand attached to the wrist, it was his "fighting hand" when he played hockey) so I gave him a wrist massage and he fell asleep.
4. The only thing I learned about hockey is "icing" and when I told my mom she said "that's the first thing I learned about hockey, everyone knows that". Wait, that's not true, I learned something else. When I finally decided to ask a question, which was "why aren't the guys hitting each other in the ass with their hockey sticks" I was told "this is the play offs, you don't do stuff like that in the playoffs".
I may have also made a faux pas when I first walked into his TV room because he had a number of signed footballs and I said "oh, they were all signed by quarterbacks" (full disclosure, I knew two of the signatures were quarterbacks and extrapolated that all of the balls were signed by quarterbacks). He looked at me and said "of course". But it's not like quarterbacks are the only dudes that touch the ball. So why wouldn't a running back or what ever sign a football? Was that really such a stupid comment?
Oh well. The joys of dating.
I had told some people at work about my date so today everyone wanted to know how it went. I told them the story and they were all laughing at me and then this kid that I am going to be a mentor to regarding architecture said "how could any guy not like you?" And he seemed sincere. That was sweet, though he's young and naive (and funny - today he came in late and I called him a slacker and he said "I had to go to the dentist" and then he said "did they have dentists back when you were my age?"). And my friend Jess said "oh funny, the dog went on his first date".
Guess you have to laugh.
other themes of the day
On Thursday nights the carpets in our office get cleaned. This is something the guys look forward to for reasons I can't quite fathom, but they talked about it obsessively on Friday. I think maybe because the carpet cleaner smells sort of like new car.
In any case some poor young woman was carrying a paper plate of scrambled eggs and what not back to her cube on Friday morning when someone either startled or ran into her. Eggs went flying everywhere. A guy yelled "YOU SEE! THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!!!" and that became the theme of the day. Guys kept sneaking up on each other and yelling that in the hopes of causing the poor hapless individual they had snuck up on to spill something on the carpet.
And today, this poor gangly white kid came in with a new haircut. All the brothers had been teasing him about his hair on Friday, calling him mop and glow and shit. The kid had chosen a haircut style that I guess in his mind looked like the style that the brothers had. As he walked into his cube area, somewhat proudly, one of the brothers yelled "Yo, you 5-0 now?" and another joined in "you look like an undercover cop!!!!" I wish I had written down some of the more witty phrases these guys came up with.
I know I shouldn't laugh but I can't help it. It's not mean hazing. It's pretty funny. I could probably write a comedy series by just recording what happens at my office every day.
In other news, some of my seeds are starting to sprout!!!!! I wish I had kept track of which seeds I put where.
In any case some poor young woman was carrying a paper plate of scrambled eggs and what not back to her cube on Friday morning when someone either startled or ran into her. Eggs went flying everywhere. A guy yelled "YOU SEE! THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!!!" and that became the theme of the day. Guys kept sneaking up on each other and yelling that in the hopes of causing the poor hapless individual they had snuck up on to spill something on the carpet.
And today, this poor gangly white kid came in with a new haircut. All the brothers had been teasing him about his hair on Friday, calling him mop and glow and shit. The kid had chosen a haircut style that I guess in his mind looked like the style that the brothers had. As he walked into his cube area, somewhat proudly, one of the brothers yelled "Yo, you 5-0 now?" and another joined in "you look like an undercover cop!!!!" I wish I had written down some of the more witty phrases these guys came up with.
I know I shouldn't laugh but I can't help it. It's not mean hazing. It's pretty funny. I could probably write a comedy series by just recording what happens at my office every day.
In other news, some of my seeds are starting to sprout!!!!! I wish I had kept track of which seeds I put where.
 |
| so these are either herbs and some vegetables or some vegetables and a few herbs - I planted half of this with veggies and half with herbs |
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