my latest knee x-rays

This shows my knee cap when my right leg is bent. You can see how it's not tracking straight. The femur bone overgrowth is pushing my knee cap out, which is why it hurts when I bend my leg. Also, you can see the femur defect (compare the right, or lateral, side of my knee with the left, or medial, side). My right side is pointed. It's not supposed to be pointed.

This shows my right knee bent. You can see that the bottom of my femur is overlapping my tib-fib when I bend my knee not even 90 degrees. The white area shows arthritis.

This x-ray shows the lateral side of my femur. You can see where bone is still missing on the lateral side (compare it with the smoother, medial side of my knee). You can also see how my femur is causing my leg to go sideways because of the bone overgrowth. The amount of daylight between the femur and tib-fib that's supposed to be there is missing (compare to my medial side).

my newly relandscaped back yard

This is my old backyard. Tres ugly, and full of weeds.

Here's the new backyard. Hopefully my transplanted rose bushes won't die. It's not finished, and the tree in the back is going to be replaced, but it's a lot better than it was.

pic of people from the Lighthouse retreat, and a bear

Here's a picture of most of the people from the retreat (a few left early). I'm hiding in the back.

And here's a bear that showed up on Wednesday night while we were eating dinner. He didn't stick around long, probably because dinner that night was kind of suck. Over cooked fish and this weird breaded eggplant. That tasted like slime instead of eggplant, to be honest.

hire me, please

My brother was updating his resume and sent me this fucking hilarious email:

I was reading this article on typos people put on their resumes, and I
couldn't help but create a fake one.  All information below is
directly pirated.  It should not be read or published.  It is for your
amusement only.  If you happen to put your boss's name on it and post
it to job sites, that's not my fault.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OBJECTIVE
Seeking a party-time position with room for advancement.  I'm working
today in a furniture factory as a drawer.

SUMMARY
I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person.  I
prefer lunch to be gin at Noon everyday.  I was an inspirational
leaper for a development team.  They described me as a perspiring
leader.  Am a real problem.  Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as
'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job.  Here are my qualifications
for you to overlook.


2010-2011
Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people.  I
was a Candy Stripper, but I don't like dealing with blood or needles.
Helped injured people process clams.  Dispensed medication and passed
out.

2010
Instrumental for ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.

2010
Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.
Revolved customer problems and inquiries.

2005-2010
Experienced in all faucets of accounting.  As indicted, I have over
five years of analyzing investments.  Failed bar exam with relatively
high grades.  Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial
institutions.  Managed sex (6) units.

2002-2004 PUBLIC SERVICE
Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve.  I am a Notary
Republic.  I'm a hard worker, etc.  I would like to work at a law
farm.  Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

1999
Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse. I have an excellent track
record, although I am not a horse.  I never take anything for
granite.  Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.


SKILLS
Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated,
Attention to Detail. extreme experience with PowerPint, Microsoft
World.  I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet
programs.

HIGLHLIGLHTS OF QUALIFICASIONS
Responsibility makes me nervous.
Bi-lingual in three languages.
Speak English and Spinach.
Exposure to German for two years but many words are inappropriate for business.
I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
Achievements: "Nominated for prom queen.
I have extensive experience with foreign accents.

HOBBYS
Enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians.

EDUCATION
Completed 11 years of high school.
I have a bachelorette degree in computers.  Have repeated courses repeatedly.
Graduated from Havrad University with a Masters Degree - Graduated in
the top 70% of my class.

Hope to hear from you shorty.

umbrellas or else

At the writing conference this week I had the pleasure of meeting J. Diego Frey, a local Denver poet. His new book just came out Umbrellas or Else. Check out his web site. He has posted poems about jello wrestling with Barbara Walters, eating a milky way, and toupees.

I sent this email to everyone at the conference when I got home. I was hoping more people would add stuff to it but that didn't happen. The quotes are based on the poems one of the other conference people read one night when we were getting drunk in the smoker's lounge:

I was saddened to read about J Diego's law suit this morning on the NPR web site:

FAMOUS PEOPLE BRING CLASS ACTION LAW SUIT AGAINST POET

A number of famous people have filed a class action law suit against J Diego Frey, author of the now infamous book Umbrellas or Else. The following excerpts were pulled out of the court document:

"In "Haikus to a Drinking Buddy" JD said the way I belched the Rockford files theme song was cool, and that my hair looked good. But now my wife has filed for divorce. I think he's a dick." - Donald Trump

"I was eating nougat and reading "Milkywet" when I laughed so hard I choked. It was worse than the time with the pretzel. I think JD is trying to kill me." - George W. Bush

"The back of Umbrellas or Else specifically stated that the poems wouldn't make my brain hurt. But now it hurts so bad I may not be able to run for president. Like, I can't stop wondering what part of JD is shaped like broccoli." - Sarah Palin

If the law suit is successful it will set a precedent in the writing world. The judge has commented that, besides having to pay a huge settlement, JD may also be sentenced to three years of house arrest during which he will be forced to read Eat, Pray, Love and submit a report answering all the reader's group discussion questions.