umbrellas or else

At the writing conference this week I had the pleasure of meeting J. Diego Frey, a local Denver poet. His new book just came out Umbrellas or Else. Check out his web site. He has posted poems about jello wrestling with Barbara Walters, eating a milky way, and toupees.

I sent this email to everyone at the conference when I got home. I was hoping more people would add stuff to it but that didn't happen. The quotes are based on the poems one of the other conference people read one night when we were getting drunk in the smoker's lounge:

I was saddened to read about J Diego's law suit this morning on the NPR web site:

FAMOUS PEOPLE BRING CLASS ACTION LAW SUIT AGAINST POET

A number of famous people have filed a class action law suit against J Diego Frey, author of the now infamous book Umbrellas or Else. The following excerpts were pulled out of the court document:

"In "Haikus to a Drinking Buddy" JD said the way I belched the Rockford files theme song was cool, and that my hair looked good. But now my wife has filed for divorce. I think he's a dick." - Donald Trump

"I was eating nougat and reading "Milkywet" when I laughed so hard I choked. It was worse than the time with the pretzel. I think JD is trying to kill me." - George W. Bush

"The back of Umbrellas or Else specifically stated that the poems wouldn't make my brain hurt. But now it hurts so bad I may not be able to run for president. Like, I can't stop wondering what part of JD is shaped like broccoli." - Sarah Palin

If the law suit is successful it will set a precedent in the writing world. The judge has commented that, besides having to pay a huge settlement, JD may also be sentenced to three years of house arrest during which he will be forced to read Eat, Pray, Love and submit a report answering all the reader's group discussion questions.