Cherries and Mongoloids

I went to super fresh last night to get cherries. Whenever I feel depressed and it's the summer I gorge myself on cherries until I feel better...

So there I was with $16.47 worth of cherries (5 pounds, bing cherries, they're expensive!) waiting in the "express" lane. There was one person in front of me and one person who was paying for her stuff in front of her.

I should have known I was in trouble when the cashier was moving his lips as he counted out change. He looked like the biggest mongoloid ever. I'm sure as a child he ate his own feces. It took him forever to count out the woman's change.

Then drama betty in front of me put her crappy little salad down on the conveyor belt. It had, and I'm not making this up, two pieces of lettuce, a wedge of tomato, a few cucumber slices, and what looked to be a shot glass sized lump of tuna. What the fuck? Who was going to eat that? It wasn't even big enough to be a side salad at a restaurant. It wasn't even big enough to be garnish.

And it's not like she was a small woman. She was pretty big. She had this fancy little do-rag on her head and was wearing fairly expensive clothes. The way she was acting you would think she was checking into a 5 star hotel instead of buying some crappy salad at super fresh in the 'hood.
Her salad rang up to a grand total $1.29. A few minutes passed while she dug through her enormous bag trying to find her wallet as if, surprise, she actually had to PAY for the salad?

She opened her YSL wallet and began slowly strumming her fingers through the coins. Minutes passed as she pulled out every penny in her wallet. Change fell on the floor and people scrambled around her trying to pick it up. I stood silent like a wooden indian, wishing I was home eating cherries and reading my new vanity fair instead of being stuck in line behind Nefetiti, queen of the grocery.

Finally, she managed to retrieve enough nickels, dimes, and pennies to pay for her salad. I could see the fear in monogoloid boy's eyes as he was confronted with the change sprawled on the conveyor belt. So what did dumb ass do? He pushed the little pedal that makes the belt go forward. Change started rolling down the black belt and he was trying to catch it as it hit the metal bar where the belt goes under. For fuck's sake. It took him ANOTHER five minutes to count the change.

While he was counting the queen was grandly surveying the exit of the store and the many shopping carts as if thinking to herself, someday this will all be yours. Pick up your salad and fucking GO I silently commanded. It was for naught. After idiot counted the change and gave her the receipt she spent 45 seconds examining it in minute detail. Then she looked at the bag where he had placed her salad and said "oh is this mine?" OF COURSE IT'S FUCKING YOURS I wanted to scream. Who ELSE could it belong to???? Then mongoloid boy handed her the bag and she slowly sauntered out.

I had my money ready before mongoloid boy had even weighed my cherries. He stared in stunned silence at my total. "16.47?" he said to me. "For cherries?" Shut up and give me my change I commanded him using my jedi powers. He looked at my $20 as if he had never seen one before and then slowly counted my change, lips moving like sheets flapping in the wind. He handed me my bills and then dropped my change all over the glass scanner. I left it. The lady standing behind me yelled "you forgot your change". I responded "It's 13 cents, fuck it".
And you wonder why I hate grocery shopping...