bad news about your car

I have some bad news about your car. You think it's cool, but really, it isn't.

I'm referring to you, Mr. dark burgundy jacked up chevy with a glass packed muffler always driving in front of me down 29N in the morning. You have two blue stickers on the back of your trunk (most people put stickers on their BUMPERS, btw) that say "JUDGE". Your car is just a loud obnoxious refrigerator on wheels. And I've noticed when you brake it swerves to the right. Better get that fixed but I guess you're too busy souping up the engine to pay attention to the "little details" like brake lights and that tire on the left that's running low. And what's with the handicap thing hanging from your rearview? I should have figured you would be one of those people who parks in handicap when you aren't. Unless they are now considering being a redneck with a loud car a handicap...

You with the sporty little Honda civic that you must have invested your life savings in (granted, you look 12 so I guess that isn't much, must be nice to live at home and have mom and dad pay for you). First of all, an air dam on the hood? For what? To cool off your little 4 cyl? And please. A spoiler? To make your car more aerodynamic? Why not just have all your gangsta friends jump on it and it will be flat in no time then you can fold it up into a paper airplane. And the stereo? Pleeease. If you had taste in music it might be justified. Maybe.

You in the mercedes sport util taking up one and a half spaces. What were you doing, looking for your prescriptives lipstick in the baby bag when you were parking? And did you even look behind you BEFORE you started pulling out or because you drive a mercedes can you afford to take out a few middle class people? Did you have to park right next to the curb blocking traffic going both ways in the parking lot because you were too fucking lazy to walk your manolos from a plebian parking space to starbucks? And changing lanes - you may not realize this but people leave a car length between themselves and the car in front in case they need to brake - they don't do this so it's convenient for you to cross into their lane without a turn signal warning and btw, thanks for slamming on your brakes after you did that. It makes me want to rip the fucking jesus fish off your car and shove it up your ass. Do the world a favor and send the maid out next time you need to go somewhere requiring driving. And please get her a smaller more reasonable car.

I used to see a guy on way in to work riding a motorcycle and wearing a black leather jacket that said "kill yourself". I miss that guy...