Acupuncture - Why Else Would My Toes Be On Fire

I just found out yesterday from my acupuncturist that I'm not full of angst. Shock and surprise. Maybe he was lying so he wouldn't have to treat me for angst because he wants me to be miserable because I make fun of him (especially when he tapes metals to my foot and wrist - some people claim they feel energy running through their bodies - I personally don't feel anything until he rips the tape off).

Also, yesterday he set mugwort on fire on my toes. I hate having my feet set on fire. Once, in college, my room mate sprayed brake fluid on my foot and then lit it on fire. He was trying to see how drunk I was. Apparently I was pretty gone because the next morning I woke up with third degree burns on my feet and no idea how they got there.
But enough about me...

I think it's totally unfair that I can't stick needles in people that I work with. Or at least test their pressure points. Or set their toes on fire.

Hmmm...people I don't like. Boring topic. Back to me.

Every time I go in to see my acupuncturist he palpitates my stomach at the beginning of the appointment to see where I need needles. Just once I would like to fart and then say "that area definitely seems to be a problem". Or maybe I could wait until he sticks a needle in me and then I could fart and say "oh right, I definitely felt the energy releasing".

Is my life so pathetic that I'm having fart fantasies involving my acupunturist?

I'm trying to figure out if I actually feel better from my acupuncture. I guess it's a good way to waste an hour. I feel so Hellraiser when I have a bunch of needles in me. I tried to fake pain at my last appointment to see how many needles I could get him to stick into me before he caught on. He stopped at around 30. Although I was disappointed that we didn't get up to at least 50 he did give me some tack like things to stick in my feet in case I have a moment where I need emergency acupuncture. He also mentioned something about a glue gun and putting glue on certain pressure points because the heat will treat them. This could be fun, even if it doesn't actually help me get better...maybe I'll do some treatments on my friends.