M&M's special fan club

I was personally invited by M&Ms to join their fan club. The invitation came when I was reading the back of a bag of M&Ms. I was trying to read a recipe that involved wheat chex and M&Ms, an amazing combination of two of my favorite foods. Unfortunately it also contained honey and involved cooking so I'm never going to make it.

Anyway, here are the advantages to joining the M&Ms fan club:

-you can order custom blends of M&Ms in 21 colors (included are some fall mixes with names like "Totally Turkey" (M&Ms the color of turkey shit) and "hay ride" (which looked to me like something that should have been called "golden shower")
-you can also join the M&Ms inner circle! Although I couldn't find the link to this "inner circle" I did find a page asking people to share their most "heart felt M&M stories" - the stories included such heartwarming info niblets as:

Miranda Boryska, Oregon City, OR "I remember the light brown M&Ms. They matched my carpet; if I dropped it I couldn't find it." (when you see her picture and the glasses you'll understand why)

Valerie Jill Ferreira, Abilene, TX "My M&M moments is when my mother and I are out buying more M&M dispenser's for our collection." (did you take english as a third language?)
Jackie Hesser, Grayslake, IL "My friend brought M&Ms to the hospital while we waited for my grandson's premature birth" (bugaw!)

Tamie Walker, Spokane, WA "we have m&ms in my kitchen i look at them everyday. I have many moments with them all the time." (oh, M&Ms, OOOOHHHH! Hey Tamie, what are you doing with that dispenser?????)

Linda Vreeland, Hampton, VA "Ms Green has an attitude and I collect her. My desk at work is covered. She is the talk at work." (she works with mute people?)

Shanae Bethel, Nassau, FL "i love mms they are my favorite candy that the only candy i eat i never use to eat candy." (ee cummings? I think not!)

Corky Lynes, Moran, KS "My daughter died with M&M candy in her purse. She never went a day without it. Brandi was 13." (for fuck's sake!)

Susan Green, Denver, CO "When the M&Ms commercials come on, my cat likes to watch them with me." (for the love of the baby jesus...)

R H, Philadelphia, PA "Once a month , I have to have some chocolate , and M&MS is the best on earth for lonely times 2" (one word - match.com)

I laughed, I cried, I wished I had made them up instead of them being from real people who exist somewhere out there in the world sucking the life out of all things creative and beautiful. You have to read all of them. They're tragic. I'm going to add one about disco puke M&Ms. Also, you can discover lots more M&M info, recipes, and buy M&M merchandise. I personally need an M&M windbreaker, like, YESTERDAY! And you can make an M&M screen saver. And read M&M milestones.

Okay, just go read the heartfelt stories. I know you don't care what I have to say about M&M e-cards....