eBay shrink at your service

Okay, what the fuck. I'm trying to sell some shit on eBay and everyone thinks I'm their girl to solve problems. Does this just happen to me? Case in point:

A guy named Jared buys two pairs of Timberland boots from me. They were listed UNDER THE WOMEN'S SECTION, they look like girl boots, and they're size 8. And fflowers should be a clue I'm no construction worker. So the kid sends me an email after he gets the boots telling me he thought they were guy's boots. With pink laces? Please. I send him an email back suggesting he resell them. Then he sends me ANOTHER email back saying how his girlfriend just broke up with him because he's always fucking things up, blah blah blah. Do I care? Um, no. But still. Customer service is my middle name. I email him back and suggest if the boots fit his girl that he give them to her. He emails me back thanking me and says he's going to do that and maybe she'll get back together with him. But seriously dude. If you're wearing size 8 women's shoe you got the smallest dick in the world and no matter how competent you are the girl's never coming back. Hopefully he will get an AOL account and investigate penis enhancements.

Becky, from WVA, sent me an email wanting me to cut her a deal on a coach bag I had listed. I told her to make me an offer. Before she could someone else bought the bag. Girlfriend was CRUSHED. I sent her some pics of other bags but she had her heart set on the sold one. I understand that. But then she kept emailing me. I know the entire contents of her current bag (kleenex, tic tacs, a glasses case, a huge soho coach wallet, a check book, god, I could go on, the woman needs a shopping cart not a purse), when she bought it, how much it cost, who made it (YSL), and why she wants a new one (she bought a pair of red shoes and her current bag doesn't go). Then she closed every email with "sending you smiles from WVA" or "happy thoughts from WVA". Seriously. Buy some shit or quit emailing me. I don't have time.

Anyway, tonight I sent her a polite "piss off" email. 10 emails in ONE DAY I got from her. She said "I understand you're busy. Good luck with your life. I know you'll succeed in everything you do. Sorry to have kept bothering you and don't worry about me". She's probably ODing on Nyquil as I type this.

Finally, a guy John sends me an email. He wants me to know that he's bidding on a women's mark cross wallet I have out on ebay but that he's a guy. At first he pretends to be interested in it for his girlfriend. Then, after I've sent him some more pics that he requested, he confesses to me that he's a gay man and wants the wallet for himself. I tell him I don't really care and that it's a great wallet. THEN, he wants me to send him an email telling him how it feels to touch the wallet, and is the leather really soft, etc. Boyfriend is going to shoot his wad in the change pocket if he wins the auction. Is that what I want for my beautiful Mark Cross? No, but what's a girl to do.

This is why I'm stressed out 24x7. Seriously....