A Mountaineer Walks Into A Bar

A mountaineer walks into a bar and sits down next to President Clinton. Clinton looks over at the guy and notices his threadbare jacket, his odiferous socks, and his worn out approach shoes.
"Bartender," says Clinton, "A drink for my friend please."

The mountaineer smiles at Clinton and says, "Thanks. Due to circumstances in my life I can’t afford to buy a drink."

"Really?" says Clinton. "Why?"

"Well, I'm a pretty famous mountaineer so I shouldn't be telling you my problems. I have a public image to uphold. But since you asked… My ex-wife is trying to take half my mountaineering business because she supported me for years while I climbed and I recently dumped her for a French woman I met at Everest base camp. My employees are angry because I spend too much time in the mountains and I've done nothing to mentor them so that they might someday become famous mountaineers. My French girlfriend is pressuring me to retire from climbing because she never sees me. Finally, my mom worries about me constantly. I'm leaving for a four month trip to a third world country full of terrorists the day after tomorrow to climb the most dangerous mountain in the world and I've done nothing to solve any of these problems."

The mountaineer stares glumly into his beer.

"No one likes to upset their mother," says Clinton.

"Exactly," says the mountaineer.

"I have a suggestion to make to you."

"I normally get really pissed when people try to give me advice, because I'm a famous mountaineer, but since you're an ex-President, I will consider your opinion."

"First of all, don't give your ex-wife a damn thing. You’re a mountaineer, right? So what did she expect? As for your employees, fuck them. Don't they realize what an honor it is to work for such an amazing talent? They should be more supportive. As for your girlfriend, it's always best to eliminate those people who expect any kind of effort from you. You're much better off having flings with women that want nothing from you other than to sleep with you because you are a famous mountaineer. Finally, don't feel bad about your mother. They love to worry. Now, get out there and climb that peak. Everything else will work itself out by the time you get home. And if people are pissed because you left them to fix your problems, that’s too bad. You can always find new employees and friends. But climbing a mountain, that could be a once in a lifetime thing."

"You're exactly right!" exclaims the mountaineer. "Thanks so much for your advice!"

And with that he chugs the rest of his beer and stumbles out the door into the night. The bartender looks at Superman and sighs.

"You can be so mean when you're drunk."