Cannondale Calamity

I just got my mountain bike, which has clipless pedals. For those of you who don't know, clipless pedals are like ski bindings. You get special shoes with a little clip on the bottom and then you slide the clip into the pedal, connecting your foot to the pedal until you:
a. clip out
b. crash
I normally crash to get my feet out of the pedals. That's because I suck. Most people clip out.

So, my problems with my pedals caused me to almost die riding my bike on Saturday...

There I was, bombing down a hill, completely out of control because my brakes were so muddy they had stopped working. The guy who took me biking was very experienced (his name is Bryan and for some reason he wants to see me dead). What he was thinking taking ME, a neophyte rider who fell IN THE PARKING LOT, which was FLAT, on a hard single track after a big rain, I have no idea.

Anyway, as I was bombing down the hill, experiencing major brake failure, I saw a gully coming up with a trail to the right and left to go around the gully. As my brain went through the process of making a decision (right??? left??? right??? wait, which way is right??? which one is my left hand????) I crashed into the gully. My bike went flying sideways and I landed on my shoulder on a rock. I hit so hard I actually bounced back up into the air before landing again on an even bigger, sharper rock.

My feet, of course, were still clipped into my pedals.

After I unattached myself from my pedals I stood up and realized my right arm was hanging in front of my body at a weird angle and that I couldn't move it. I was 3 miles away from the parking lot and Bryan were nowhere to be seen. I decided to try to lift my right arm with my left arm to see what would happen. I heard a horrible popping noise and then my shoulder (which was the problem apparently) popped back into place. I finished the ride and showed up in the parking lot bleeding from my left palm, my two knees, my right elbow, and the side of my ass (which you couldn't see because I was wearing pants, but I thought it would mention it here anyway, for sympathy).

I thought I was going to die, but unfortunately I didn't. Instead I limped around like a 90 year old man for 4 days.

For the record, a friend of Bryan's, who has been mountain biking for 8 years, said of the trail Bryan took me on "every week I ride that trail and every week I'm glad I got home in one piece".