the great gray reef shark swim

WARNING: the following narrative contains some material that may be deemed offensive to certain individuals, specifically rednecks. In fact, if you are a redneck you might want to stop reading right here. Don't feel bad. I used a lot of big words so you wouldn't have understood the story anyway.


Although I hear it's possible to go to the Bahamas and not do a shark dive, I find it improbable that anyone would turn down the opportunity. That is how Grant and I ended up doing a dive with approximately 20 gray reef sharks. We went with a great dive shop, Xanadu Underwater Adventures, http://www.xanadudive.com/, which I highly recommend.

It was our second dive of the afternoon. As we pulled up to the dive site, apparently a fin cut the surface of the water. I can't say this for sure because I couldn't see around or over the approximately 17 redneck divers who were on the boat with Grant and I. While most men would have chivalrously stepped aside for me so I could see, these guys instead crowded every square inch of the boat side and started throwing sandwiches into the water (the price for the dive trip included a boxed lunch for every diver). This incident highlighted their first mistaken belief about sharks - sharks, in fact, don't like peanut butter and wonder bread has never been discovered in a shark stomach.

Under normal circumstances I would have shoved my way to the front of the redneck mass to see the shark. As I am still recuperating from my knee surgery this was not an option. The dive master overheard me whining to Grant that the only way I was going to see a shark was to jump in and said that I could get into the water if I wanted. So I grabbed my snorkeling gear and carefully slid off the side of the boat into the water. As I got in I saw one dark shark shadow swimming beneath me. Suddenly there were five, and then about fifteen of them swimming below me. A few swam up towards my feet, sniffed them and then swam away (note to self - add odor eaters to dive booties).

As I was adjusting my mask I looked back towards the boat. Seventeen redneck faces were looking at me with disbelief. In a show of male pride at being out done by a sissy girl they immediately began putting on their snorkeling gear. It was amazing how many equipment "complications" started occurring on the boat. One guy suddenly couldn't find his snorkel. Another "accidentally" broke the strap off his mask. I heard one guy stating that he wouldn't get in the water because I was wearing a gold necklace and sharks are attracted to shiny objects. In fact, it's barracudas that are attracted to shiny objects, not sharks. I remember once having a severe concussion from getting kicked in the head, and I will admit at that time I could have confused a barracuda with a shark. However, that was only temporary retardation. This poor individual had no noticeable head trauma and yet was unable to distinguish between a foot long skinny silver fish that swims around with an expression that screams gee I'd like to bite you in the ass when you aren't looking with a fish that only weighs about 1000 pounds more and that's only 5 - 7 feet longer than an average barracuda. Duh!

After a few minutes, when they realized I hadn't been eaten or attacked, they decided it was safe and almost everyone on the boat got in the water.

One idiot did a cannonball, momentarily scaring the sharks off. Another attempted to (I'm not making this up) swim down and grab a shark by the tail. Gray reef sharks are between 6 to 8 feet long, so they aren't "small". In addition, last year, gray reef sharks had the highest attack rate on humans of any shark, including great whites and tiger sharks. I believe this individual was momentarily overcome with shock at the number of teeth in the shark's mouth. Judging from his origins (north Florida) I imagine one gray reef has more teeth (360 of them) than the entire human population of his town.

It should also be noted here that sharks have a soft palate. This means they can sense the fat content of an object. It is also believed they can get a sense of an object's fat content by smell. So while I, composed of lean muscle, would not be a particularly tasty treat and would be safe, some of the other people on the boat, specifically one guy whose beer gut could have been mistaken for one of the smaller Bahamian Islands, should not have felt so at ease. In addition, sharks can sense fear in the same way a dog can. I was not afraid because I have read a lot on sharks and shark behavior; some of the other guys on the boat, whose main education into shark behavior stemmed from such shows as Fox's "When Animals Attack", were probably secretly shitting bricks.

After a few minutes of snorkeling we got our dive gear on and dropped to the ocean floor. We were at approximately 55 feet. The sharks were swimming around us in a curious, but non-threatening, manner. They reminded me of cats, in both behavior and physical appearance. The gray reef is a very graceful swimmer. The eyes have a slit black pupil, similar to a cat's eye. The sharks would usually swim pretty close to the divers, veering off at the last second. Air bubbles usually frighten sharks so a shark would usually swim within a foot or so of my face and then when I exhaled turn away (note to self: bring tic tacs on next shark dive).

We swam around with the sharks for a while and then went off to look at a wreck. The sharks followed us over to the wreck and swam along the periphery of the group while we explored a sunken fishing boat. During our safety stop I also saw a brown shark, approximately 8 feet long.
I think that if most people did a shark dive or a shark snorkel trip, they would realize that most of their shark fears are unfounded. Also, this type of dive is much better than a "shark rodeo", where sharks are fed from a barrel shaped mass of dead fish while divers stay 20 or so feet away. In fact, shark rodeos are changing shark behavior, making them more likely to approach divers which, for obvious reasons, is not a good thing. Seeing sharks in their normal habitat goes a long way in erasing negative images like that of great whites ripping a seal carcass to shreds. Not to say sharks are not dangerous, but respect, not fear, should be the rule.