and I would do it again

One of my favorite farting stories...

I was in Hania, Crete, in a cute little hotel overlooking the harbor. I was there with a guy that I later married (and divorced). It was our first trip together, and the first time we had stayed in the same bed.

It was early morning and the sun was coming through the window because the night before we had forgotten to close the shutters. I was looking out at the boats, feeling groggy, laying on my back trying to decide whether or not I was ready to be awake.

I had woken up because the guy, let's call him X, had woken up. He was (and probably still is) a morning person. He rolled over on his side and started talking to me about a conversation we were having while falling asleep the previous night, but I wasn't really listening, I was still half asleep. The conversation was about how, to have a good relationship, we should be able to tell each other anything, and do anything, without the other person getting pissed or upset.

I vaguely remember him saying something sweet to me, and me smiling, feeling totally relaxed, and then him suddenly rolling right on top of me. I was caught by surprise and accidentally farted really, really loudly. There was a moment of stunned silence from the body laying on top of me, and then X said "I can't BELIEVE you just did that!" I was trying to think of something to say that might bring back the romantic mood, but I was also trying to not laugh. Then he, just as suddenly, rolled off me and that caused me to fart again.

"GOD dammit! You've completely spoiled everything!" he yelled at me, throwing the covers onto my face and storming into the bathroom.

I yelled back at him "But I thought you said last night that we could tell each other anything!" and then proceeded to have an epic giggling fit that continued on the bus ride to Heraklion and while we were touring the temple of Knossos.

He eventually forgave me, married me, and, oddly enough, I never farted for the rest of our time together. He used to say it was because I talked so much the air never had a chance to get down to my intestines. Medically speaking, I don't know if there could be any truth to that.