my new year's resolutions

In preparation for the new year I'm making a list of my resolutions:

• Stop smoking, or, stop being friends with people who nag me about smoking, which might be easier.
• Stop going into Starbucks at the airport and stealing their straws, which are the best straws ever, because I never buy anything there. I just steal straws.
• Stop eating lemon ginger cookies for lunch instead of having real food, even though I normally have to do this because my customer building is locked down and I have no way to get out to get food. But that's no excuse. I could bring carrots and apples and eat those. Though, I really like lemon ginger cookies better.
• Stop making weird faces when my customer is saying something insane to me, and then pretending I didn't know I was making a face.
• Stop singing M.I.A. songs in my head when someone is talking to me, so I don't really know what the person said, because even though the conversation might have started out boring the person might have said something interesting when I was thinking "I got more records than the KGB".
• Watch more shark movies, especially when I'm feeling depressed.
• Spend more time looking at the pictures from the Hubble telescope and learning about stars.
• Plan a trip to Israel this year.
• Put together a proposal for the book I'm going to write, and then DO IT.
• Untie my shoes instead of sliding my feet into them, causing the back of the shoe to get jacked, and then causing my shoes to make a weird squeaking noise when I walk.
• Buy some painting stuff and paint at least one picture. Maybe check on You Tube to see if there is a tutorial out there on how to paint.
• Stop obsessing that I have parasites which are causing my stomach to hurt when I know that the reason my stomach hurts is because I'm stressed out.
• Reduce stress by not worrying about people anymore, and giving up friendships that aren't positive, and by not letting people move into my house, except my cousin Andrea if she decided to move here.
• Tell my clients "No, I'm not going to sit in your office for 12 hours a day to get your shit done. You should have paid for more consulting days". But, say it nicer.
• Flirt more and try to find a guy to date that actually has time for me and who isn't an asshole. And who will be happy to see me at the airport, and then we'll get home and he will cook dinner, which will be something I really like such as pancakes or fish tacos. He will also have gone to the grocery so I have snacks to eat like edamame and lemon ginger cookies.
• Practice shopping in a store and buying something as opposed to driving to the store and then panicking that I'm in a mall and then driving home and thinking "fuck it, I'll just wear something I already have" even if the whole purpose of the trip was to get a cute outfit to wear because I have a date and know the guy is going to be like "hmmm" when I show up in jeans and my running shoes and a t-shirt since that's the only thing I have to wear after I took almost all of my clothes to good will, because I probably will also decide to not wash my hair, and then I'm going to wonder why he never called me after our date.