do these pants go with this wine?

Tonight I met my dear friend Jeffy out for drinks and dinner at this new wine bar that opened near his house (http://www.indulgewinebar.com/). Jeffy knows more about wine than anyone I've met and also has connections for procuring amazing wines. I sometimes fantasize about running amok in his wine cellar with a glass and bottle opener, and I think he knows this because he showed me pictures of his latest wine acquisitions which he keeps on his iPhone. He likes to torture me. The best bottle of wine I had last year was a gift he handed me while we were sitting in his hotel room at the FJ rally in Ouray. I swear that angels came out of that bottle when it was opened.

Jeffy has the life. He's a high level muck at a company that won't be named, and he's running a major satellite program for them. He hired a kick ass woman engineer (well, goes without saying, we're all kick ass) to do most of his work so he only has to work about 8 hours a week, and he spends the rest of his time biking and skiing. He's going to Ouray to ice climb for new year's (but I'm not jealous - I bet he's bringing wine from his cellar - okay, I'm a little jealous).

He showed up for dinner tonight in a fabulous outfit, including grey cashmere sweater that was probably made by a virgin who was then sacrificed so she would never make the same sweater again. He ordered a great glass of red wine for me and a glass of white for himself (I never order for myself when I'm with him). He said that red wine causes him to wake up every couple of hours while he's sleeping (that could be my problem?) so he's switched to white. Then we had heated hummus with goat cheese and red pepper and talked about Jeffy's book, which is about how he lost 50 pounds in 3 months (he looks fantastic). It's going to be called the lap dance diet. He unfortunately has a ghost writer and didn't ask me to help because he thought I was writing a book already ~:(

And then, the bad thing happened. We ordered flatbread with caramelized onions and figs and the waitress brought it out on this wood tray thing with a handle. The table was on the small size so the handle was hanging over the edge. Seconds later the hostess, a woman in her 50s, walked by our table and somehow caught the handle with her leg, causing the wood tray to slam into Jeffy's wine glass, causing it to shatter and spill wine all over Jeffy because the glass was full.

Jeffy is a big guy. A big, BIG guy. Could be a villain in a James Bond movie. You DO NOT spill wine on Jeffy's clothes.

Pandemonium ensued. There were pieces of the wine glass stem on our flat bread. Jeffy had a lap full of wine and was like "my PANTS!" and I was thinking to myself "your SWEATER!" People ran over. Jeffy has been to this place a lot since it opened (almost all the staff greeted him by name) so the waitresses tried to clean him up the best they could. Jeffy was like "fuck! Fuck! FUCK!" (he was a marine, after all, and speaks the language) and then said to our waitress "That woman is a fucking IDIOT! Look how much ROOM she had to walk by our table! How could she have done that???? She should be FIRED!" at which point our waitress was like "Um, that's my mother."

It really was her mother.

Jeffy and I laughed about that for the next two hours. What are the chances?

The mom then proceeded, an hour later, to dump a glass of wine all over the back and jacket of a girl sitting parallel to us who was at some kind of batchelorette party (bet she wishes she had ordered white instead of red). She was even more fun to watch than Jeffy, who, after everything was cleaned, said "I'm glad I didn't lose my temper." Uh huh.

The best part of the story is that, due to the accident, Jeffy talked the bartender into giving us a cherry liqueur from the bar (they make their own liqueurs). It seriously was like biting into a piece of cherry pie, even though it was a liquid. I can think of very few things that have ever been as wonderful to put in my mouth as that liqueur. It's made locally, with organic cherries, and what ever other shit they put in liqueurs. It's the kind of thing that, after you take a sip of it, you grin like an idiot for at least five minutes and wonder "did that really happen?" Next time we go there we're going to sit at the bar and sample a bunch of the liqueurs. Hopefully nothing will get spilled.

Then I'm going to stumble over to Jeffy's and crash in his wine cellar.