“Hand me a mitten, forthwith and post haste!” The
kangawrong gave the croco-diamond the mitten it had been holding.
“Gentlemen, to the cave!”
The croco-diamond leaped into the air with the mitten
wrapped in his tail. He touched his front feet to his back feet, and then
gracefully executed his dive into the water. The whitey biteys were impressed
as he barely made a splash.
They swam down into the cool water, which was at first
a light green, then a dark green, then a dark blue. Having been away from the
water for so long the croco-diamond was quite pleased with his swimming.
He was also afraid.
After some time, they arrived at a rocky wall at the
base of what was indeed a cave. It was dark.
And scary. Just as
the croco-diamond had imagined.
“Mostly that crafty feller’s in there, when he’s not
out falootin’ in the water stealin’ up everybody’s stuff like mittens,” said
Evett, pointing with his fin at the cave.
The croco-diamond faced the whitey biteys, trying to
look brave.
“Quickly, and as according to plan, I will begin the
implementation as outlined and sketched and prepped previously and prior to our
descent to this chasm.”
“That feller don’t never talk no sense. Whatcha think
we’s supposed to do that he jest said?” asked Earl.
The croco-diamond waved away the whitey biteys with his
front foot, dismissing them.
As the whitey bitey swam away he pulled the mitten over
his snout and head glad none could see how ridiculous he looked.
He planned, and
not because he was afraid, to lure the octopeu out of the cave by pretending
to be a mitten.
He let his body float gently to the bottom of the sea
floor.
He waited.
And waited.
Waiting with his head in a mitten was boring. Surely an
hour had past? A day, at least, maybe a week. His stomach was hungry and the
croco-diamond had to squeeze it with his hands so it wouldn’t let out a grumble and give his ruse away.
He suddenly thought of the kangawrong, who was finally
gaining weight. He thought of how he had taken its cringle crisps for himself
even when he was sure that the kangawrong was the one who secretly made him gifts
like his jewel brush and the crutches. And how because of him it had hurt its
feet and turned purple in the colossal cringle crisp caper. And worse, how he
had tried to send the kangawrong instead of himself on this very dangerous mission.
He thought also of the giant man, so kind, who had
taken him in when no one else would have him, even the other croco-diamonds who to be honest had kicked him out of the swamp.
The giant man never yelled at him though the croco-diamond did the most
horrible things like sneak eating all the cringle crisps and blaming the
clouds.
The croco-diamond was suddenly so sad that tears might have fallen from his eyes. It was
hard to tell since he was under water.
And what would happen to his poor beloved friends if
he never returned from this dangerous
mission? The giant man would surely go bankrupt and lose his farm. He
was, to be honest, terrible at picking cringle roots and marketing.
The kangawrong would never have a bath again and would
become matted, stinky, and so depressed that it would never make a fancy hop
again.
And maybe the giant man would forget his promise to
rename the cringle crisps to croco-diamond crisps, which is what the
croco-diamond wanted more than anything in all of the worlds.
Everything was so terrible to contemplate that the
croco-diamond began to cry inside the mitten. He shook with sobs, sure that
this was the end for himself and for his dear friends.
“Ooh
la, ees zees a meeten? A weeping meeten?”
The croco-diamond quickly wiped the snivel
from his snout on the inside of the mitten and then peeped out of a hole
between two stitches in the yarn. The crafty feller had arrived.
The croco-diamond saw a black body, with two large
tired eyes. Eight tentacles curled around the body, floating gracefully in the
water. At the end of each tentacle was an oversized mitten. The octopeu had
fastened the ends of the mittens with bleu ribbons tied with bows that,
presumably, kept them from falling off his tentacles because the mittens were way
too big.
The croco-diamond found the octopeu so ridiculous that
he unexpectedly laughed. SNICKER SNICK.
“Ooh la, now zee meeten, eet zuddenly make a hee hee?”
The octopeu glared at the mitten.
“Wat ees thees ha weeth zees meeten?”
“My dear sir, I am quite sorry,” said the
croco-diamond, from inside the mitten. “It’s just that you - you look
ridiculous! Those bows don’t even match! Bleu with OrangeUGlad and
BananaSafely? Ha ha! And I’d always read that the Freuch were so stylish.”
“Ooh, but I am quite zee styley! You critique moi, monsieur meeten? You are
zust a yarn! And I am a Freuch! I spit on you! You yarn!”
The octopeu produced an inky substance that floated s l o w l y
toward the croco-diamond.
“I - I apologize, dear sir. I meant no ill will. I
suppose I am - just - jealous. Where ever did you get those fine mittens?”
“Ay stoled zem from zee le whitey biteys! Zay do not
deserve zees fine-airy.” The octopeu then paused,
suspicious. “Zoe, zee meeten...ees je-aH-lous
of...my meetens? How ees zees possible?”
The croco-diamond dashingly pulled the mitten from his
head.
“Because I am in fact NOT a mitten! And you will unmit
yourself or I will! I will! let me think a moment... Unravel you!”
With that the croco-diamond displayed his gleaming
white gold teeth and his shiny long nails. He jumped to his hind feet and sucked in his stomach.
“WUF! THE MITTENS, SIR!”
The octopeu began to cry.
“Ooh wah wah! You take me meetens? And hee hee at my
bows? No fone breeng to me gefts! Jus gefting to zee le whitey biteys!” Its
eight tentacles covered its eyes. “Boo hoo hoooo!”
“You are a crybaby! Indeed! You steal things and then
think you don’t need to give them back! You are a selfish creature! And look so
ridiculous in those mittens!”
The octopeu sobbed even louder. “Oh, oh! No fone loafes me!”
The croco-diamond suddenly felt bad. He reached out his
front foot and patted the octopeu on his soft head squish squoosh sqush.
“Dear sir please, let’s be calm. And please, please don’t cry anymore.”
“Because it’s annoying,”
he couldn’t
help to say, but he said it quietly.
The octopeu attempted to stop crying with a snuffle
and a wuffle.
Fuffle fuffle.
He finally stopped and looked expectantly at the
croco-diamond.
Who had to think quick what to do next because this wasn’t in the plan.
He finally said, “If I made be so bold, I would like to
propose a solution to this situation. Which, if you will agree to said
solution, loses you the mittens, but gains you - a gift.”
The octopeu blinked his tired eyes. Its mitted
tentacles swirled around it.
“You geeve me a le geft?” It finally asked, rubbing
away the last tear.
“Yes but, post haste, we must go! To the surface! Le
quickly!”
The croco-diamond, even in a situation, couldn’t help but show off
that he knew some Freuch.
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