Monday, March 7, 2011

dead babies, dead ambition

My brother and I were joking all last week about the dead baby painting at DIA (http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/sociopolitica/esp_sociopol_denver02.htm#Part%20Four%20-%20Dead%20Babies%20and%20Commander%20Skeletor). So at first I thought that's why I had a disturbing dream on Saturday...

In the dream there was a completely featureless crying baby, and me. We weren't even standing on a floor or in a building. The space around us was three dimensional, and gray, but it wasn't "real" space. Anyway, the baby was crying really loudly and annoyingly (even though it didn't have a mouth) and I started smacking it, and then hitting it really hard to try to make it stop crying. Even though I was hitting it hard it didn't make a difference, the noise stayed the same. So finally I thought "I have to kill this baby to get it to shut up" and then another part of me said "if you kill this baby, you will die".

So, understandably, I was freaked the fuck out when I woke up. I knew the baby was mine even though I don't even have a uterus to have a baby. So I looked it up in my dream book and under baby one of the things it said was "represents a secret dream or ambition". I think the baby is supposed to represent my book, and even though I keep wanting to give up and just say fuck it, I have to see it through because it's going to scream in my subconscious for the rest of my life if I do.

Or else, I had too much to drink that night, and had a fucked up dream that is the fault of my brother constantly laughing about the dead baby painting at DIA.

By the way, don't shake the baby.

http://www.practicenotes.org/vol1_no3/dont_shake_the_baby.htm

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