hell, by way of the gym

If the christians are right, and let's face it, what are the chances, I'm likely going to hell. Not through any fault of my own, but because of the idiots working out in hotel gyms.

Yesterday I was on the elliptical, thinking how much I hate the elliptical, and trying to remember back to the days when I wasn't allowed to use it because of my knee, and how jealous I used to be of people who were on it. Next to me was a treadmill, with some idiot guy on it who kept speeding up the belt even though he couldn't run without holding on to the hand rail in front (first sign that you have set the treadmill to go too fast). I kept looking over at him because he looked so retarded, and that was causing him to speed the treadmill up to go even faster.

He was one of those guys who always gets a towel when entering the gym. My thing is, it's a gym. It's SUPPOSED to be dirty. You are SUPPOSED to get sweat on a machine. If the person using it afterwards is so disposed THEY can wipe it off. Towels in the gym are so gay.

Anyway, the guy's arm, at some point, flew off the front hand rail and hit the towel draped over the side rail. The towel fell onto the belt. For god knows what reason the guy tried to jump over the towel. This caused him to let go of the front hand rail with his other hand. He went flying back off the treadmill, and then landed on his ass right behind the treadmill. I was unfortunately taking a drink of water at the time, and sprayed the front of my elliptical. Then, trying not to laugh, I started laughing. Trying even more not to laugh caused me to laugh hysterically, so much so that I had to stop on the elliptical. I almost threw up I laughed so hard.

I knew I should try to help the guy, or at least make sure he was okay, but I couldn't stop laughing. He got up and walked out of the gym. I had the place to myself for about 15 minutes until this other guy came in and started trying to do these weird floor exercises. One involved him laying flat on his back, and then going "huff huff huff", and then projecting his top body up while simultaneously raising his knees, in some kind of weird sit up motion. Some times when he would do this he would fart. Really, how could I not once again laugh?

I got through half my weights and then decided it would be best for everyone in the gym, at that point 5 of us, if I left because I couldn't stop laughing. Tonight after work I went back to the gym, attempting to do another workout. This time the idiot on the treadmill kept jumping off the belt and standing on the sides, and then jumping back on the treadmill. I made it 10 minutes and then couldn't stop laughing once I started.

If I were going to make a tv show, it would be a tv show where a hidden camera is placed in a hotel gym. I'm sure someone could think up a catchy title.