did he mean what he said?

I called my friend Neil last night to let him know I finished my first painting, and to tell him I was going to send it to him if he liked it. Below is pretty much word for word our conversation, with my interpretation of what Neil was thinking in italics.

Me: So, I emailed you a picture of the painting. If you want you can look at it or be surprised when you get it in the mail.
Neil: I better look at it. We can reduce our carbon footprint by you not sending me crappy paintings.
Me: So what do you think?
Neil: It's surprisingly good. For a five year old. Who's a retard.
Me: Should I send it to you then?
Neil: Well, it's your first painting. Don't you want to keep it? And have that piece of crap hanging somewhere in YOUR house instead of mine?
Me: Since you were the one who inspired me to start painting, I thought you should have the first one. I'd really like to send it to you if that's okay.
Neil: Sure. Damn. Maybe it will get lost in the mail. Though if it's just damaged, I wonder if I'll even notice.
Me: Should I put it in a frame?
Neil: No, don't worry about that. Because then I'll feel obligated to hang it up somewhere.
Me: Is there anything else I should do to it?
Neil: Throw it away. Make sure you sign it. I don't want people thinking I painted it. And put a date on it too. So people can see how old you were when you painted it. And laugh.
Me: Cool. I'll do that. Are you going to hang it up?
Neil: Yeah, I am. Somewhere that no one will see it.