dark arms

Last night I had a dream that I showed up for my consulting job in Toronto and was put in this small windowless office. Outside the door I could see this woman dressed like Lara Croft rolling bee hives around on the floor. Then she would pick them up and juggle them. I went to the door of my office and watched her for a while and decided she had the coolest job I'd ever seen.


So I told her I wanted to learn how to juggle beehives too, but that I was afraid because I'm allergic to bees. She showed me all these pieces of white tubing sticking out of her arms, and said that the tubes had anti venom so if she got stung there was no effect. Then she showed me, in the crook of both of her arms, that she had a spider, that looked like a tarantula, that ate any bees that were trying to sting her. The spiders kept running up and down her arms eating bees while we were talking.


I was like cool, put some tubes in my arms so I can juggle the beehives and she did. Then she gave me two spiders for my arms as well. I picked up a hive and started throwing it around like she was doing. But then both of my arms were in serious pain. I looked down and saw my bee eating spiders were dead. I yelled to the woman to help me. She came running over and was like "oh no, you picked up a hornet's nest instead of a beehive! that's why your spiders died!"


My arms were burning and I fainted (in a dream, I know, weird). When I came to she was putting new tubes in my arms to try to get the poison from the hornets' out of me before it killed me. And then she said "I'm going to have to give you a shot" and she stuck these two huge needles right into my abdomen.


I fainted again, and when I came to I was sitting back at my desk. My arms were covered with little squares of white gauze that were totally bloody. I couldn't lift my arms up at all because of the pain. The woman was like "you'll be okay" and then she ran away. Then my customer, this kind of bland looking guy, came in to my office and said "we need you to do a software demo in 15 minutes". I was like fuck fuck fuck, I can't lift my arms and I'm covered in blood. But I told him I would do it because I didn't want him to know that I was juggling hives.


Then I woke up.


It was around 230 in the morning so I went back to sleep. I dreamed that I was asleep in bed when my old housepest Ryan walked in the door. He was wearing a paper plate over his face with these jagged eye holes cut out. I was like "what the fuck are you doing here?" and he said "oh, I was just bringing in your mail, and then I was going to take a shower". He came up the stairs towards me and I saw he was holding a huge knife. I knew he was going to kill me with it.

I started yelling at him to give the key to my house back. He kept coming towards me so I grabbed a pair of nunchucks that my brother Bob gave me (that's true, they were from when he took martial arts, and he gave them to me 6 months ago) and threw them at his head. It knocked the paper plate crooked, and he dropped my house key and started running down the stairs. I was going to chase after him to get his knife but when I got to the front door I realized I was wearing my robe and couldn't go outside.

Then I woke up and decided that was enough sleep for one night.