not the kind of ice we like

Thursday we climbed in Hyalite at an area called G1. As we pulled onto the access road going into the park I started to get worried because there was a sign saying that cars should use chains. Joe said "oh that's just to keep the yahoos out". Hm.

Joe spent 3 years trying to get the access road open in the winter. They plow it now when it snows. Anyone who climbs there should show their gratitude to Joe by buying his guide book Winter Dance. In fact, buy 10 copies and give them as gifts.

I only made Joe a little nervous with my driving. He only stomped his foot on the floor a few times when he thought I should slow down. The road was icy and I couldn't go more than 15 MPH. We finally arrived at the parking area and I climbed over some snow banks to pee. There are bathrooms in Hyalite but they are scary. When I got back to the car I was laughing because there was a tent pitched right behind a sign that said "no camping". Joe laughed to because the tent was pitched in the area where everyone goes to the bathroom.

G1 was a really cool collection of ice. We decided to climb there the whole day because there were so many lines. Two other groups were climbing there. One group was two guys who were kind of suck climbers. They were timing how long it was taking them to climb things. It was pretty gay. The belayer started yelling up to his friend climbing that he was going to lead some really hard pitch elsewhere in the park when his friend was done climbing. I had to stifle a laugh. Joe yelled at them because they set up their anchor wrong, and the belayer kid started trying to argue with Joe rather than learn something.

I was walking over to climb a pitch when the suck climber kid was getting lowered. He wanted to leave because it had started snowing and it was getting cold. The belayer said he wanted to stay and watch me (probably to look at my ass) and the suck climber said "who wants to watch a girl climb".


There were two other guys climbing there, who were pretty cool. They both knew who Joe was but they weren't being obnoxious groupies but they were listening in our our conversations. When I started telling Joe a story of an expression "warm bowl of soup", which is what a kid I knew in Ouray called a vagina they started laughing. When I said "my cat crap (gel used to clean glasses that keeps them from fogging, you buy it at REI) dried out and now it isn't working (because my glasses kept fogging)" and Joe thought I said "my cat crack dried up and now it isn't working" he turned to the other climbers and said "there's nothing at this point that could come out of her mouth that would surprise me". The other climbers also thought I said "cat crack".


As the day went on it started snowing harder. Then the wind picked up and it was getting cold. The last climb I did was a corner route. The snow was blowing so hard I couldn't see where I was putting my tools. Joe was standing 40 feet below me and could barely see me. When I got down we decided to pack it in and Joe went up the same route to clean the anchor. As he was climbing he knocked down a suit case sized piece of ice. He yelled as it was falling but I couldn't hear him in the wind. The ice landed an inch away from where I was standing. I had been about to move to that spot seconds before the ice fell because it was next to a tree and I thought it might block some of the wind and snow. Meanwhile Joe thought he had hit me with the ice, and that I was laying unconscious in the snow because he was yelling to me and I wasn't answering. So he cleaned the anchor and rapped down. I guess he was happy to find me alive and in one piece.

In the parking lot we ran into some of his climbing friends and he talked to them for a while. One is apparently sponsored by Coors. They were making a movie or something.

Then we started the epic drive out of Hyalite. Joe was really nervous so he said he would light my cigarettes for me. I thought that was funny because the past two days we had been around all these people that see Joe as a climbing god, and he was lighting my cigarettes.

We got out on the main road and the conditions weren't any better. We kept having to stop to clear the ice of the wipers. Sometimes I couldn't see out my part of the windshield at all so Joe had to tell me where to go. We got on the highway right before they closed it and crawled back to Livingston where we procured more wine and a pizza. We both needed a drink after that drive. While we were driving through the parking lot Joe had to grab the steering wheel a few times because I couldn't see where all the parking lot bumps were and kept almost running over them.

When we got back to his house with our pizza we decided to watch the Sopranos because I've never seen it. Some how we managed to stay up until 1 in the morning, and drink almost two bottles of wine. And now I'm hooked on the Sopranos.