creamed cooch

Wednesday morning we decided to forget about the whole car drama of the previous day and climb at Pine Creek.

We hiked up to green gully, one of the classic climbs there. It was a little harder than it looked from the bottom, but it was lots of fun to climb. As I was half way up a group of four guys came up to the bottom of the climb. When I lowered off one of them said to me "wow, you climbed that really good", "for a girl" being the unspoken part of his comment.

Then we did blue gully, which was a lot easier. Joe rapped off and then I followed. I had forgotten my daisy chain and was using a sling to clip in to the anchor. The sling was a lot shorter than my daisy but, out of habit, I passed the carabiner between my legs and clipped it to the back loop on my harness. I always do that with my daisy chain because it keeps it out of my way.

The top part of blue gully is not steep so I walked down it for the most part. The ropes were snowy so they were kind of hard to feed through my ATC. I have a hard time rapping anyway because I need to weigh more. I felt something kind of weird against the back of my ass but figured I had gotten my leg loop twisted.

But as I started rapping down the steep part of blue gully I felt a really bad pain suddenly shoot through my chop chop. It was like someone had kicked me right between the legs. After a second I realized that the sling was what was causing the pain. It was like the worst thong ever. I decided to keep rapping rather than trying to fix it, though by the time I was on the ground I felt like I was going to pass out. As soon as I was off rappel I dropped the rope, grabbed my crotch, and screamed. Joe was like "what the fuck is wrong with you?" and I said the first thing that came to mind which was "I just creamed my cooch". Through the tears in my eyes I could see Joe laughing. For the record, it bruised, prompting Joe to remark "too bad you didn't hurt it doing something good".

We hiked back by green gully and found an idiot from Calgary sitting next to a pretty big fire under a group of trees. There have been a lot of fires in Pine Creek and Joe was pissed. He asked the guy to put the fire out and the little moron said "I've been in the bush my whole life and I know how to control a fire". Joe was like if your so smart why did you build a fire under a bunch of fucking trees? Also, it wasn't cold enough outside to even warrant a fire.

The guys who had climbed green gully were milling around waiting for Joe, and as soon as he was close to the group they were like "Are you Joe Josephson?" Then they started asking him about climbs in the Yukon and what it was like doing long routes, and basically bugging the shit out of him, though Joe was very nice about it. Those guys were so excited to meet him that they practically offered up their daughters for Joe to fuck. As Joe said later "I don't know if their daughters would have fucked me, but I bet one of those guys would have".

It's kind of the way things are with Joe. Every time we would go somewhere he would run into someone he knew or he would get accosted by groupies. Joe doesn't brag about climbing and most of the stories he told me were about climbing trips gone bad. I only learned about the other epic shit he did listening to the groupies, who seem to have memorized his entire life.

We got back to the car and the guys obviously wanted Joe to talk to them for forever, except for the calgarian who was hiding in the car because Joe yelled at him. But we were going to go to Chico hot springs so we made a hasty get away, but not before I accidentally said "I can't wait to get to the hot springs". When we got in the car we made more fun of the calgarian, especially the comment about being in the bush. I said "I have a bush so I should be able to start a fire anywhere". Joe was like "there's no fucking bush in canada", resulting in an unrepeatable conversation that also had some jokes about the big fluffy beaver.

The groupies followed us to the hot springs so we had to hide in the hot pool until they went away. Then we had dinner at the bar and had to listen to this little drunk idiot talk about how it was his birthday and did anyone want to buy him a drink.

We got home and drank a bottle of wine. Joe showed me a book his mom put together about his family. I started reading the story of his great grandfather, who grew up in an orphanage and then had this little life of crime before settling down. It was amazing. His mom put pictures in the book too. I was going to write in my blog that night but decided I was too tired. Joe was like thank god.

He, for some reason, was worried I would make fun of him in my blog.

Instead we decided, at 1 in the morning, to watch North by Northwest. Went to bed around 330 and got up at 8 to go climb.