super eyes

So, by the end of this week, I may have one super eye. And if things go well with that, I will, in a month, get another super eye. Right eye is going first.

When I was a kid my parents would make gifts because we didn't have a lot of money. My dad started making me chemistry sets when I was six. I also had my own microscope. He would get the chemicals and then put together a lab book of experiments for me to do. That worked out well and as the years went on the chemicals I got became more and more dangerous.

Around the time I was 10 I think, I got my usual chemistry set, did the experiments in the lab book, and then began improvising. For one experiment I put some chemicals in a test tube. Nothing happened. So then I corked and shook the test tube. Still nothing. So then I applied heat to the bottom of the test tube. This was all being done in my "laboratory", a pile of bricks on the side of our house. The yard went down a steep slope to our neighbor's driveway, and my dad had been trying to grow grass there, finally succeeding. So there I was, sitting on the side of the house, applying a lighter to a test tube.

The test tube exploded. I remember stomping in the grass because it seems there was a fire in the grass and I was worried about burning the house down. My brother ran inside to tell my mom what I did, which was lucky. She rinsed my eyes out with cold water, almost drowning me in the process. That likely saved my eye sight.

The explosion caused a lot of scar tissue on my eyes. By the time I was 14 I was developing major sight issues and could barely tolerate normal light. This is because, with the scar tissue, my pupil was not reacting as quickly as it should to light. Also, my vision would star and halo in low light or darkness. I ended up going through a treatment for my eyes, but through the military so the treatment sucked. At one point I started wearing sunglasses all the time because I couldn't keep my eyes open in normal light because it was too painful.

In 1994 I had started to get tunneled sight so badly that I could barely read and had lost almost all peripheral vision. A doctor operated on my eyes and attempted to clean up the mess. This was when I was dating a guy named Arthur, who was from South Africa, and the poor thing was in the waiting room, saw me coming out, and then I fainted so he had to carry me to the car. I was wearing these things that looked like paper cups on my eyes to protect them. We had not been dating long. In the car I started describing to him how I saw these metal rings laying on the table that they had used to cut up my eyes. He wretched. I had been given valium before the surgery, making me chatty.

Anyway, as we headed towards my apartment Arthur was pulled over by the hate because my vehicle tags were expired. The cop was confused by his South African driver's license and me sitting in the passenger seat with these cups on my eyes babbling about my surgery. He gave us a police escort to the DMV and got my tags renewed in 20 minutes. He even let us park in the handicap parking space. Arthur had to sign everything because I couldn't see. He told everyone he was my husband which was the first time a guy had ever referred to himself as that. Years later he left a comment on a web page I had set up. We wrote a manual together on object oriented design but they took our names off of it and it was never published: http://www.idef.com/IDEF4.html.



So now, a million bilion years later, I have to get surgery again because I'm losing my peripheral vision due to a build up of scar tissue. Also, currently my vision can't be corrected to better than 20/40 in one eye and 20/70 in the other. The haloing is so bad I probably shouldn't be allowed to drive at night. And my depth perception is shit. Since I spend a fair bit of time teaching classes and in rooms lit only by the light of a projector, this has become a bit of a problem. Also, while in Paris, I was unable to navigate around the various bars and restaurants I was attending without having someone to hold on to (thank you JJ and Dunc, aka bad snow white). But, the surgery, which has been performed for the past year, will fix many of those problems, and possibly even give me 20/15 vision.

Having always had bad eye sight that was never 20/20 it will be interesting if that happens. I keep telling my doctor I will have super eyes. He just smiles at me and asks if I want a prescription for valium to take before the surgery.