urban herbs

Since it's new year's eve I decided to do some self maintenance so at noon I went to Urban Herbs for some acupuncture. I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. The place has real chinese herbs and has nothing to do with pot.

Anyway, Chloe gave me an assessment and then said I needed two acupuncture sessions. The first 15 minute session was to treat the "trauma" of fucking up my knee (that is actually typical of eastern medicine, they treat not just the physical injury but also the emotional injury). Trauma, in my case, was treated by having a bunch of needles stuck near my elbows and wrists, in my abdomen (I hate that) and above my knees.

While I was being punctured I was supposed to "breathe negativity out and inhale positivity". I was not sure exactly how to do that so every time I exhaled I said to myself "out with the old" and when I inhaled said "in with the new". Except that I kept saying "out with the old" when I was inhaling and vice versa. Even my thoughts are uncoordinated.

Also, Chloe threw a blanket over my feet to keep them warm and it was hitting the middle toe on my left foot which I broke last friday when I dropped my vacuum cleaner on my foot (don't ask, it was a freak accident). It's almost twice the size of my other toes and has an interesting grey black color to it. I would mention my Fashion Nails pedicure DID NOT chip. Thanks Vicki!!!!

Then came time for the energy enhancing treatment acupuncture thing. That was supposed to increase blood flow or some shit. I missed the explanation because as she started the explanation she was sticking 9 needles on the inside of my ear. That was pretty horrific. Also she put needles around my knee, in my face, in my ankles and feet, and in my wrists again.

After sitting there like a deranged pin cushion for another 15 minutes I was free to go. But not before being talked into buying some herbs. The concoction she made up has, among other things, peony tree bark, rehmannia root, alisma rhizome, sour jujube seed, zizyphus seeds, indian bread, and silktree bark. I've never heard of any of those things either. I'm guessing I'm allergic to all of them but we'll see.

The herbs come in a packet that you boil in water for a while. I think I boiled it wrong because there was supposed to be 8 cups of liquid and I had only 1 1/2. I added more water and am hoping for the best.

smells like a slow cooked shoe sole with some dog food thrown in - also, some items in the packet look suspiciously like toenails

I'm going to try it tomorrow, first thing in the morning, just in case it makes me puke.