dating again - the list

A friend of mine recently entered the dating cess pool after being married for a long time. He asked me for some advice (yes, he's that desperate that he's asking me for dating advice). I sent him a list of rules and he suggested I post it on my blog.

Caveat: I've never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year. Which means I'm either really experienced at dating or I have a lot of lessons learned from failed relationships...

The joys of being single...I guess it's not traumatic for me since I've never had a relationship that lasted longer than a year but I'd guess it's hard if you aren't used to it. I'd offer this advice on dating:

1. Don't. Just sleep with people and have fun with your friends.
2. If you have to date don't take advice from friends / acquaintances. They're usually wrong, especially the married ones.
3. Not kidding about the throw away year (i.e. the first year after getting out of a relationship is throw away - you won't have a meaningful relationship with someone else because you're adjusting to being out of your old relationship).
4. It's more important to figure out what you can't put up with than what you can and avoid women with that quality even if they have everything else going for them (fuckable tits, nice wax job, large inheritance). For example, lots of guys 86 their wives because the wife wants more kids - I've seen it first hand, the breeding instinct can turn women into sperm zombies. If that's something you don't like avoid interest in anyone who seems breeder-ish. Women will lie like fucking roadkill and once they have you trapped try to force you into having a kid with them or worse, as just happened to a friend of mine two weeks ago, they "accidentally" get pregnant. That dude is marrying someone he doesn't really love and having a kid he doesn't really want because he was too trusting. Women are scheming bitches (myself excepted) and they'll sense it if you're naive. Trust no one.
5. Also, shit that used to drive you crazy about your ex will be amplified in who ever you are dating. For example, if your wife shopped too much you'll notice every time the person you're with spends money. This is not fair to the person you're with (again, throw away year) but it's going to happen.
6. Keep your distance. I've seen a lot of friends jump right into a serious relationship because that's what they are used to. Then suddenly they're like "fuck this, I'm going to fuck a bunch of people!" or worse "fuck me, I'm in the same relationship I used to be in".
7. Keep any relationship you have in the hole. Friends and exes are good at creating drama which you do not want to deal with.
8. Never talk about your ex to anyone you are with. Bad things will happen.
9. Don't waste money trying to impress women. They're throw away at this point anyway so why bother with a financial investment.
10. Stay away from needy women or slacker women. They're the ones who are going to latch onto you and expect to be taken care of. They'll also boil your pet bunny and slash your tires when you dump them.
11. One break up and that's it. If you guys get into more than one huge fight it's just going to be drama down the line. Get out while it's still easy.
12. Be up front that you aren't looking for a serious relationship and if things start sliding towards that (e.g. you guys are practically living together) put on the brakes and reiterate that you are not looking for a serious relationship. Women are stupid but they eventually get the message.