speaking of "holy", my pitch letter for the holey wars

I found this doing research for my book. It's the first pitch letter I ever wrote, pitching an article Mayo and I wrote for Falling magazine. I did hear back from the gentleman I sent this to, but they never did publish our story. The story can be found here: http://blonstar40.blogspot.com/2007/02/holey-wars.html

Almost too embarrassing to read this now:

I tried to submit this via the email listed on the Falling web page but the server seems to have disappeared. No comments on the skills of the web master.

Anyway, Mayo suggested I email this to you. He would have sent it himself but he's busy right now getting Banff blow jobs and soloing something called "the pencil" (not a name to impress the ladies – even "the eraser" would imply more, um, girth). Now, take a couple of shots of your favorite scotch/bourbon/whatever before you proceed further into the ACTUAL MESSAGE:

To the esteemed editor of Falling Magazine:

I have always been a fan of your country, including the hard working Mounties with those oh so shiny buckles. And I'm an even bigger fan of Falling, as many of your articles have helped me improve my climbing and inspired me to make even more fun of sport climbers. 

Will Mayo and I have written an article for your review, titled The Holey Wars. It concerns the dangerous and unprecedented jihad going on in the climbing community against people who bolt climbs. We feel that this information will be useful to your readers.

The article includes:

- an interview with the Jewish Jihadist who chopped all the bolts on the Royal Caribbean cruise ships

- an update on the Pentagon's latest bolt technology

- a short plug for the new drink Red Bolt

- more information on the blow up doll debacle on Everest

We hope you enjoy it.

Sincerely yours on belay,

Franki & Will

p.s. if you didn't find it amusing, please have more shots and then start again, from the top, up we go...