stop that hole!

As if things aren't hectic enough with my impending departure to the middle east, travel, work, and requests for paintings, I got home from Korea to discover a hole in my back yard.

At first the hole appeared to be just a foot or so out into my yard. I was hoping it was caused by the rain we've been having, but after my dad decided to dig into the hole, we discovered a much worse problem. It turns out there is an old sewer pipe in my yard that cracked. I had to dig almost 5 feet down to find it. And it was cracked in two places.

I was thinking back to two summers ago when the same thing happened to my next door neighbor. So when I saw him outside I called over to him and asked what he had done to fix his hole. He looked into my yard, where I had, by that time, a huge gaping hole that I had to dig to find the cracked pipe, and he said to me "are you going to bury a body there?" ha ha ha ha

Anyway, he paid someone a million billion dollars to fix his hole. But after conferring with my dad, Jeffy, and my UK genius Pascal, I decided I would fix the hole myself. The experts all recommended tar paper, concrete, and some gravel.

So I went to home depot. I couldn't buy tar paper because it came in these huge rolls larger than the back seat of my car. I asked the guy if he could just cut off a little piece for me and he said "There's no such thing as a little piece of tar paper". Then I got the concrete which was heavier than fuck. It was so heavy I could barely steer my cart. My grocery store mishap kept playing through my mind as the front wheel of my cart spasmed out every time I got near a display.

Anyway, I used the old tar paper I found in the hole, dumped the bag of concrete into the hole, added water and started stirring. The directions on the bag weren't too clear because the amount of water used was in proportion to how elastic the concrete was supposed to be. I had no idea how elastic it should be, so I just guessed how much water was enough. Then I put gravel on the concrete and went back into my house to check my email...

Only to find an email from Pascie recommending I "check with the authorities" before blocking up a sewer pipe. Oops. But I'm pretty sure it's not a pipe used for anything because I had to have an inspection done before my garage was built, and there were no water or sewer lines going from my house into my back yard. Oh well, I'll be out of the country if everything goes to, hee, shit.

When my neighbor got home last night I showed him what I had done and he said it looked fine. He also introduced me to his new puppy, and said that someone from the government came by his house asking about me. Nice. No wonder why I can't get a date in denver...