During a brief email exchange with a friend of mine, during which my blog about married guys was discussed, my friend, who is male, told me that I'm probably not as hot as I think I am, and that guys get into this state where they will fuck anything, including, to paraphrase, and elephant or a knot hole. That for some reason triggered a memory of a line from my super ex-girlfriend (but not my favorite line from the movie, which is "why did g girl throw a great white shark at us?") where this asshole guy is telling this bartender that the two happiest days of his life were when he graduated from harvard law school, and when he met her.
And that's when I finally realized something, which was maybe what that book he's just not that into you was about, but I missed the point. Guys talk shit. All the time. Especially about sex. I think it might even be fair to say that 99% of what comes out of a guy's mouth is bullshit. Which explains why guys always say they love you but then fuck someone else or turn out to be married.
And, I would guess, this behavior is caused by guys not being able to process their feelings. If you intimidate a guy, he says he loves you in the hopes of bringing out your softer side. If a guy doesn't like you, he'll say he loves you so he can brag to all of his friends about how much he doesn't like you and how much you like him. If a guy wants to fuck you, he'll say he loves you because he thinks that will get you into bed, or he is not sophisticated enough to realize there is a difference between lust and love. If a guy does something horrible to you, he'll say he loves you because he thinks that will make you feel less hurt.
This goes for everything guys say, not just the I love you bullshit. So, from now on, when a guy says something to me, I'm going to attempt to translate it into what he is actually trying to say. I think that will make things less confusing for everyone. Body language may be a good indicator.
One thing I've noticed is that guys will try to bring your attention to their penis if they are trying to make a connection with you, sexual or otherwise. They do this by sitting with their legs open, resting their hands on their thigh (likely thinking the whole time "watch my hand move over here, and now look! it's resting near my penis! okay, just look over a little more...maybe I should move my fingers...yes! you're looking at my penis!"), putting their hands near their pockets when standing, etc.
But, just because a guy is doing that doesn't mean he is being sincere, so maybe body language won't work. I think I'll start observing facial tics and involuntary eye spasms.
And, on a side note, maybe I should start a new business venture where guys can log on to a web site and show their penis. I'll hire women from China to look at the penises. Maybe I'll give them some phrases that they can send back to the guys about their penises.
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You sound so bitter.
ReplyDeleteIt's a biological imperative.
I have no desire to show you my penis however impressed I know you would be.
Bitter? I like looking at penises. But, unless yours has a tiffany bow or is larger than a garden variety cucumber, I probably wouldn't be that impressed. I'm polite though, so I might fake being impressed.
ReplyDeleteIt's not about the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean. At least that's what I have been told...
ReplyDeleteGuys don't know what "I love you" means. So, when a woman they like, or want something from, says "I love you" to them (the women always say this before the guys do, which is a thing you didn't mention in your blog copy)... the guys say it right back, just in case they're supposed to. After all, the moment must be right 'cause the woman said it, and the women are emotionally smarter. Gets both parties in a heap o' trouble, typically.
ReplyDeleteI never say the l word first. In fact, I'm going to write a blog about that, because I find your comments to be such utter bullshit.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, fucknut, I will put my intelligence, sans emotion, up against any guy. Because, I'm smarter. It has nothing to do with emotions. And, I think you get into "a heap o' trouble" due to the fact that you are an emotionally stunted imbecile who, we can only hope, hasn't spawned offspring to continue your bloodline.
...and how about this for spooky, this thing asked me to type a word to post this comment. The word was "coquish" ......
ReplyDeleteHee hee, this is a contentious one Franki!
ReplyDeleteI have to say you have tarred us all with the same brush. My thoughts, in my ~40 years the actual exact meaning of the word love becomes increasingly complex and I'm still not sure of the definition. I certainly never use it liberally and like, being the eternal optimist, to think that most men will use it in all sincerity.
As for the penis thing, penis waving means nothing. Penises (Penae?) are great and all women covet them. I'm sure in a parallel universe penises are worn outside the trouser and are adorned with splendid jewelleries.
And yes, you are phenomenally clever and we all love you.