to all the guys I've fucked before

For whatever weird reason, I’ve been getting emails and phone calls from a bunch of my ex boyfriends, 4 to be exact. They are all married with children.

The nature of these emails has nothing to do with how I’m doing or how their families are doing. They are about how they would really like to sleep with me. I am getting requests for porn stories about what I would do if I slept with them, and suggestions that I meet these guys, who are all geographically dispersed, somewhere where we could enact these porn stories they want me to write.

It makes no difference that I shut these guys down every time. They think it’s either challenging or funny and persist.

So, here’s the no bullshit answer. You have a wife. You have kids. I didn’t make that decision, you did. To imply that I might be happy just fucking you on the side is insane. First of all, if you were that good in bed, I would still be with you. Second of all, I am not going to put some woman in the same position I’ve been in myself, having a partner cheating, or trying to cheat on the side. Third, unless you’ve told your wife what you are doing, you are a coward, and I find that immensely unattractive.

Here’s the deal. If you don’t love your wife, leave her. And don’t say it has anything to do with me. It’s really unfair to stay in an unhappy relationship just because you are too fucking lazy or whatever to find someone who will make you happy. Don’t involve outsiders in your fucked up relationship, because all it does is fuck everyone up. If you just need someone to make you feel sexy, hire someone. I’m sure there are plenty of chat rooms where you can pay someone to talk dirty to you. I have no desire to talk dirty to you. In fact, your behavior is a huge turn off.

Oh, and the excuse about not being able to leave your wife because she’s been at home with the kids and can’t get a job? Bad decision on your part for marrying a woman with no skills. And you’re shocked that you’re bored now? Give me a break. You wanted a little woman to push around and to push kids out of her cunt. She’s fat and boring now. You set the situation up so that would happen.

And your kids? Trust me, being around two parents that hate each other is not better than if you leave. Chances are you aren’t doing much for your kids anyway. They might miss you occasionally but probably not as much as you think, especially since kids pick up on the fact that you find them annoying. They know you are complaining to everyone how you don’t have time to do anything because of them.

Failing that, why not put some effort into trying to save your relationship? Go to counseling and pay someone. I’m tired of giving you free advice and getting only a headache in return. But here’s a free piece of advice before I cut you off. Trying to fuck someone else while your current relationship is going down the shitter is not a good way to fix things. It’s obvious, I know, but you guys aren’t coming across as being very bright.

You find me sexy because I am. It’s not my fault you married someone who isn’t anymore. It’s probably your fault for being a dick to her. So, be a man and do what you should do. Stop whining and bothering me. Figure out your fucking life and do something about it.

And no, you don't have to tell me what you're doing. I really, really don't give a fuck. But you can keep reading my blog. You need one bright spot in your pathetic life.