where are my pink ladies?

I've been to every grocery store in an over 50 mile radius of where I'm staying out here in DC trying to find pink ladies. None were to be had. So instead I bought some bags of baby carrots.

First, I found out they aren't really "babies" at all. This whole time I thought I was eating the veal of vegetables. But a student told me that in fact baby carrots are just carrots that are too ugly to sell, so they cut them down. I doubted the story at the outset (I've had students lie to me about numerous things regarding the performance of the software I teach; I've also had students sign me up for dating services and enter my business card in "free weekend in Aspen" giveaways and I was once subjected to my entire class singing the theme of the love boat because I've never seen the show and they were making fun of me saying I was like one of the characters who I think died recently of a cocaine overdose) but when I looked at the package it did say "baby cut" though "cut" was written in small print.

I also found it funny that, under ingredients, it said "carrots". Somehow, knowing they are not in fact new, young carrots, they don't taste as good.

Anyway, I accidentally ate a whole bag of baby carrots today. I could say it was one of the small bags, but I would be lying. Around 230, in the middle of class, after I stuffed the last carrot in my mouth, I got the hiccups. And they wouldn't stop. The guy who's class I was taking was getting annoyed. I still have the hiccups but I'm drinking wine in the hopes that will help. Besides getting the hiccups I also discovered that my company badge was covered with cookie goo. Probably should not have let my nephew wear it yesterday when we were eating cookies. I leaned over one of the students to help him and he was like "grossssssssss! what is that?????" and I was like "it's just (hic) a cookie (hic)".

Ech.

I wonder if I'm allergic to carrots...