irish car bombs

Yesterday after skiing at BC Jeffy and I went back to Finnegan's Wake to see Jonny Mogambo again. We got our same table, ordered some drinks, and settled in to watch the show.


The night got out of hand rather quickly. Jonny opened with a couple of songs and then started making fun of Jeffy, who can't sit for 5 minutes without playing with his iPhone. Jonny called it something funny, a mix between the words iPhone and masturbation but I can't remember what he said exactly.


Then there was this local delinquent guy named G man who was drunk because he was leaving Avon the next day for a four month trip. Jonny, who was also drinking, invited G man on stage to sing the song I am a man of constant sorrow. G man was so drunk he kept dropping his microphone and bumping into Jonny's guitar. But he was a very good singer, so that was kind of cool.


Then these old dudes who were having a fraternity reunion started getting noisy and yelling stuff at Jonny, who told them to shut up or put money in his tip jar. They requested some kind of stupid songs and were trying to sing along with them. Jonny finally got them to do a shot ski and one of the guys was so short he had to stand up on the stage to be the same height as his frat brothers. Jonny kept making fun of him but the guy was so drunk he didn't notice.


Then the frat guys started dancing near the stage, even though there wasn't much room (Jonny was playing "Brown Eyed Girl" - the guys could not dance AT ALL). G man had mean while sat down at our table because Jeffy and I bought him shots of whiskey to celebrate his impending trip (Jeffy had the waitress give him shots of "the best whiskey you have, and not that derelict shit"). I think Jeffy bought a shot for Jonny too, but it's hard to remember some details of the night. G man started hitting on me so I told him I was a lesbian. We had a long discussion about pussy and how women are all a bunch of scheming lying bitches. Then Jeffy joined in talking about strippers and showed G man pictures on his iPhone of his stripper friends rolling around and making out at one of his parties. Jeffy has a lot of stripper friends.


Some woman brought her two kids into the bar, I'm guessing age 7 and 9. The 7 year old was a little girl who put a dollar in Jonny's tip jar. Then Jonny made a joke about the 9 year old, who was a boy, so the 9 year old went over to the tip jar and took his sister's dollar out. Everybody in the bar was laughing. The mom made the kid put the money back in the tip jar and then they left.


Meanwhile, at some point, Jeffy started doing irish car bomb shots. I don't know what's in them but I'm pretty sure they had a lot of alcohol because Jeffy started folding up $20 bills into paper airplanes, each with a different design, and trying to throw them into Jonny's tip jar. None of them made it in. I think he threw $100 worth of little planes. It was good that Jeffy tipped him because he filmed Jonny singing the big fluffy beaver song without asking permission (which I thought was wrong to do). Jonny took it in stride and said "You're sending that out to the internet right now, aren't you man? I'll be HUGE in Japan in 5 minutes!" He asked if Jeffy was with a record company and I said "No, he works for the CIA", making Jonny laugh but really pissing off Jeffy who kept saying "that was NOT fucking funny! that was NOT fucking cool!".


Then Jonny decided I should come up on stage and sing a song. I can't sing AT ALL so I was like no FUCKING way. G man and Jeffy kept trying to drag me up to the stage while Jonny heckled me. Finally some woman got up there, asian looking, and really east coast ish, and she sang "I will survive". She had a great voice actually. Then G man got back on stage and sang "take it easy" except he kept singing the wrong words or the right words in the wrong order which was making Jonny laugh.


After a while it seemed like everyone in the bar was completely trashed and singing along with Jonny. That part was pretty cool. What was NOT cool was when G man broke my wine glass, which had just been refilled, spilling red wine all over my left leg. I looked like I had been shot mid-thigh (luckily the wine did not spill in my lap). That stain better come out. On a side note, I have gotten wine spilled on me at least once a month since June. Weird.

And, speaking of weird, one of the women with the drunk frat guys came over to our table and said "Hey, did you used to date (my ex boyfriend who owns some gyms in MD)." I was kind of surprised, and she said she recognized me because she used to climb the at the same time my ex and I did. Then she went on to say what an obnoxious, arrogant asshole he is and how she quit going to his gym. She went on a little tirade and I was like you don't have to tell me sister. Jeffy can verify that I am NOT making this up.

Jonny took a bathroom break and then Jeffy offered $200 for Jonny to keep playing because everyone was having so much fun. I would say at that point I was the drunkest I have been for a very long time. I normally don't get drunk in public places, but my buzz was pretty mellow and everyone thought I was sober and kept trying to buy me drinks.


I had also been going out for smoke breaks, mostly to get away from G man who was being annoying, and fucking with all the young snow boarder dudes that were also going outside to smoke. One of them tried to kiss me so I pushed him in the snow and his friends made fun of him so he left. The snow boarders kept sending me shots of whiskey and whistling at me. I gave the shots to G man. Luckily I was leaving with Jeffy, otherwise I might have had a problem on my hands because one guy (not the snow guy) was starting to get a little aggressive. Note to guys: just because you buy me a shot doesn't mean I'm going to fuck you. Seriously.


After the show Jonny came over to talk to us but he was getting mobbed by these drunk women who were the wives of the frat guys so Jeffy and I left. I think he talked to Jeffy for a few minutes but I was so buzzed at that point that I really had no idea what was going on. I vaguely remember getting the hiccups and babbling something about my toothbrush before I finally crashed out on the sofa.


This morning I woke up with a painful hangover and a hugely swollen knee. I decided to do more physical therapy for my knee and to never drink on an empty stomach ever again.


But, it was a lot of fun. I wonder if G man made his 9 am flight this morning...