it's not a penis, it's a FUCKING VEGETABLE

SO ANNOYED!

My office has a cafeteria so I always go down there at lunch to get a salad (don't ever have time for a real lunch hour, just end up carrying my salad from meeting to meeting and it usually takes me 2 hours to finish it). Anyway, there's a TOTALLY ANNOYING little asian woman who works at the caf and she is always in my way at the salad bar. Like I'm trying to get some spinach and she starts fluffing the arugala in the bowl next to the spinach with her little tongs so I have to wait. Then I decide to get some tomatoes and she walks right next to me, reaches in front of me, and starts fluffing the shredded carrots so I can't get any tomatoes because her arm is in the way. She fluffs the cucumbers when I'm trying to get the red peppers. Etc.

Then I try to get some salad dressing and she starts re-arranging the salt and pepper packets that are above the salad dressing. It happens EVERY FUCKING TIME I go down there. I usually only have about 5 minutes to grab something to eat, which is a reasonable amount of time, except for the asian fluffer who causes huge delays. I've tried tricking her by building my salads in reverse order so she doesn't know which vegetable I'm going to get. Didn't work. I've tried faking her out by suddenly going to the sandwich bar but she just waits until I go back to the salad bar to continue her infernal fluffing.

I want to stomp on her glasses and set her hairnet on fire. I was late to a meeting today because of her.

Speaking of meetings, I had to leave our staff meeting today because the colleague I was with when the farting incident occurred sat across from me and was trying to make me laugh (it's the first time I've seen him face to face since the fart) but I was ignoring him. So he sent me an IM that said "what's up, fartner in crime?" I choked on my tea and pretended that's why I had to leave for a minute. I was coughing and laughing at the same time which hurt.

And also, I forgot to mention, they took the beets off the salad bar. I'm like "why don't we have any beets?" and they said "I don't know." I was like "are you going to order some more so we have beets?" and they were like "I don't know." So here's a question you might be able to answer fuck wits - how am I supposed to make a spinach and beet salad with no beets? Annoyed, part 2.

Other than that the day is going well.