a free pizza isn't worth dying for

Last night I ate an entire pizza by myself (it took 3 hours but I did it). There’s a restaurant next to my hotel that serves the best brick oven pizza.

Then last night I had a dream that I was on the subway in DC with two women that were in their 20s. I was their mentor at work. We got off the metro and went to a shiny glass skyscraper that said “CIA/FBI HEADQUARTERS” on the side in silver letters.

I was like “You know what we should do? We should climb to the top of this skyscraper. There’s an antenna up there that you pull on and then you get a coupon for a free pizza. And when you get your free pizza it comes with a coupon for another free pizza. We’ll never have to pay for pizza again.” The women were like “COOL!” So we started free climbing. I had a climbing rope over my left arm and figured we could use that to rappel down after we got to the top.

The wind was blowing as we were climbing and it was even worse when I got to the top. I grabbed the antenna, pulled it towards me, and it started quivering. Then the pizza coupon came out of the base of the antenna. I put it in my pocket and then went back to the side of the building to see how close the two women were to the top.

I realized they were both in trouble because they couldn’t climb over this scaffolding thing that was just under the roof. So I climbed down and pulled the first woman over the scaffolding. Then it started raining so I lowered the climbing rope and pulled up the second woman because I was afraid she would slip and fall.

Then I looked out over the city and realized we had free climbed 100 stories up and that there was nothing on the roof to anchor the climbing rope on so we could rappel down. Then the wind started blowing really hard and the sky scraper started swaying violently. I almost fell off the building. I thought to myself “come on, you better start acting professional” because I didn’t want to scare the two women with me who were relying on me to be the expert climber.

We had to crawl around on the roof so we wouldn’t fall off the building. I had assumed that there would be a low wall around the edge of the roof so we wouldn’t fall off but there wasn’t. Then I realized the scaffolding was up because they (who ever “they” were) had been taking the wall down. The women were crying and holding on to other antennas on the roof. They kept asking how we were going to get down. Then it started lightning. All the antennas were buzzing from the electrical charge and we couldn’t hold on to them anymore because they were giving us shocks.

I thought “we are so fucked and my free pizza coupon is disintegrating in the rain.”

Then I woke up.