that's what I get for taking a drug test in the tenderloin

Right after class today I literally ran 2.1 miles to the lab where I was scheduled to retake my drug test. I ended up getting this chinese dude as my "collector". Though the lab was more of the set up I'm used to the whole thing was strange.

For starters, the collector said he normally watches people pee in the cup. I was like "huh". Then he said he would give me privacy if I wanted it. I was like "Um, yeah." Then he said "if you want me to watch you pee in cup I will." No thanks.

The bathroom was right off the collector's office so there was no chance I could screw it up like I did last time. The collector insisted I keep the door open a crack and after I had been peeing for a few seconds he yelled in to me "that should be enough!" Creepy. Who listens to people peeing?

I sat down with him and the chain of custody docs. We were exchanging pleasantries about urine. He explained the dilute issue I had before and said there wasn't enough potassium and something else (sodium?) in my last sample and that the lab never should have taken it because they can tell by the color if it's too diluted. Apparently it's hard to screen for water added because the water can be filtered. They should have had me wait another 45 minutes and take the test again. Assholes.

Then the conversation went down hill. He saw that the company requesting the test is in the healthcare industry:

Collector: Oh, so you a nurse?
Me: Um, no.
Collector: Oh, you look very cute in nurse uniform.
Me. Hm.
Collector: You wear nurse uniform. Blond makes nice nurse.
Me: I'll keep that in mind.
Collector: Urine very nice color. (Holding the specimen up to the light as if it's a rare diamond) You make very nice sample.
Me: Uh, thanks. Can I go now?
Collector: Colorado very pretty. I would like to visit Colorado.
Me: Me too. Too bad I travel all the time (fake laugh).

Hopefully he will expedite my test so my new employer can get the results back tomorrow or Wednesday... I don't think I can survive taking the test again.