Though he pretended to be sleeping the croco-diamond was quite excited about going to a market. He had never been. There was, of course, the issue with people, in a mob, and him with so many jewels. But the real reason he had never been to market is that croco-diamonds are snobs. They only shop in places like V’Ates on in Weremonshire and Hemington’s Fine Wools and Edith’s Terribly Refined Comestibles (mostly sold in intricately designed little china pots that people save to reuse, though, to be honest, they are entirely impractical for any use except comestibles, which come in their own china pot).
The giant man pulled up into a dusty lot next to all the other ticky tap taps which were painted Japanese Green, Orange-glo, Spangled Yellow, Purple Fright, and other colors. The croco-diamond was a bit miffed that his ticky tap tap was frankly, and in not just his opinion, a bland blue. But soon he turned to other matters of importance.
For example, the giant man was pulling the four cringle crisp baskets (one had, by all witness accounts, blown away, and had not been eaten by the croco-diamond as some might suspect) to the edge of the ticky tap tap.
“Is this your marketing plan? No, no, this is all wrong!” The croco-diamond clicked his nails and the giant man made a step with his hand. With a flump (his feet) and a palump (his tail) the croco-diamond was out of the hammock and standing in the bed of the ticky tap tap.
The noise attracted the attention of the market goers, who started to gather in a group around the giant man. They were awestruck by croco-diamond, regally standing on his hind feet with his tail casually but strategically draped over the side of the ticky tap tap. The red streamers fluttered in the gentle summer breeze.
“What we need are boxes. Boxes fit for cringle crisps, an unparalleled snack in all of the worlds.” The croco-diamond paused as if waiting for the crowd to produce boxes.
When that didn’t happen the croco-diamond, remembering his chipped nails, placed his front webbed feet behind his back, as if he was a general surveying his kingdom. But really, he didn’t want the crowd to see his nails. “Good people! Good people of the market! As you see, before me are four baskets. Baskets which contain…”
But the market goers were already lining up with their brown paper bags. The giant man was filling the bags with cringle crisps and collecting coins. The croco-diamond barked out a “wuf” in a way that he hoped would be thought of as accidental. The market goers in line stopped clamoring forward and took a step back from the ticky tap tap, wavering between cringle crisps and the foreboding animal before them that had just barked. Loudly.
Having regained the crowd’s attention the croco-diamond continued. “A new day is dawning…a new day for the cringle crisp. As you see today, we have a simple yet elegant operation. But in keeping with the times, new trends, laws, regulations, and market forces, in the future we will be revolutionizing distribution…boxes, we will have boxes of cringle crisps, my picture of course, on the boxes…a new day for cringle crisps! I personally will sign every box, with this, my own hand…”
Hip squish squish.
The crowd turned to the noise. Which was not coming from the croco-diamond.
Who decided to unclasp his front feet from behind his back. “This, my own hand!” He waved his large (though at this point besides nail-chipped, slightly dirty) front foot towards the audience. “Yes, you, you the common people, will have a picture to cherish, a picture of a croco-diamond…” The crowd once again looked at the croco-diamond, who clenched his hand into a fist to hide his nails and to project a sense of power.
Hop squish hip. Hip hop squish. Squish hip.
“Hey ya! My termarters! Looka whatta ya did ter my termarters!”
An angry voice caused the crowd to turn away again. This time, the croco-diamond looked too. First he saw…giant red footprints.
Was it? Not! Blood? Croco-diamonds can not STAND the sight of blood. It makes them faint, then whimper, and then they cry.
But blood does not have seeds. These red footprints had seeds.
Squish hop hip squish thump.
Squish.
Hip.
Squeeeee. Eeeeeee.
Noting the direction the crowd was looking, and the closeness of the noise, the croco-diamond turned to the right side of the ticky tap tap.
Sproing!
One large, to be honest, rather too large, furry brown ear popped up near the fourth basket of cringle crisps.
Sproing!
A second furry brown ear joined the first.
Was it…a rabid bearstein? A mad doglin? A wolf-o-snappish?
Was it…the worst monster in all of the worlds?
The croco-diamond fought to maintain his composure. Croco-diamonds, because of their long and esteemed lineage, do not show fear.
“Show yourself good sir, or I shall chop you! With my choppers!” The croco-diamond displayed his white gold teeth, which glistened in a menacing fashion, even with a few cringle crisps caught in the crevices because the croco-diamond had forgotten to floss after eating cringle crisps on the ride to the market.
Poing!
A nose shot up, leaning into the bed of the ticky tap tap.
Ploink, ploink!
Two soft brown eyes with very, VERY long eyelashes blinked at the croco-diamond. Who stood with an over-extended tummy full of one too many baskets of cringle crisps, unsure of what to do. He felt, to be honest, a little afraid.
The giant man made a noise as if clearing his throat. “I believe, I think, what we have here, is, erm, hm, I’m quite sure actually, that is to say…that is a kangawrong.”
“And it murshed my termarters!” cried a voice in the crowd.
“Oh your termarters! We, we are quite tired of hearing of your termarters!” said the croco-diamond. He was very glad that the creature was not the worst monster in all of the worlds or a sneaky-thief trying to steal his jewels.
“But he murshed my termarters! Punish, I say!”
The croco-diamond made itself even taller than he already was by standing on his tail and puffing out his light green belly. “There will be no punishment of the fellow!” He watched as the long lashes went “wink wink”. The whiskers of the kangawrong’s petite nose wriggled left to right. “We shall free this prisoner! We shall pay for his wrongs! We,” at this he nodded at the giant man, “shall allow this prisoner to be free!”
The crowd clapped and the giant man looked a little worried at how much this payment would cost. The voice from the crowd said “He ain’t no prisoner. But he murshed my termarters! Just hopped through and didn’t even look!”
The croco-diamond laid a chipped, but still royal, nail on the kangawrong’s forehead, between the two soft brown eyes, and said “I forgive you. By my order as a croco-diamond I forgive you for your wrongs.”
The kangawrong looked at the croco-diamond and tilted his head to the side. He raised one of his abnormally small arms and waved at the croco-diamond with his furry paw.
“I think he likes me,” the croco-diamond stage whispered to the giant man. “Let’s take him home.”
He was already imagining how the kangawrong could wait on him, bringing him baskets of cringle crisps while he lazed in the hammock. Even with its stunted arms, perhaps it could help pick cringle roots. Baskets and baskets of cringle roots. One basket of cringle roots equals one basket of cringle crisps and they, the two of them, could pick baskets and baskets. The front of the croc-diamond’s snout became moist and his nostrils expanded, breathing in the heady scent of cringle crisp crumbs, all that was left from the day’s market trip.
“Ummmmm…okay,” said the giant man.
“He will of course have to sit in the front seat with you. There’s no room back here.” The croco-diamond slumped to his belly, pushing cringle crisp crumbs that had fallen to the bed of the ticky tap tap into a pile and then rolling over on his side to look at the kangawrong.
“Chop chop then little lad! To the front seat of the ticky tap tap! Forthwith! Post haste!”
Ploink ploink went the kangawrong’s eyelashes. It didn’t move
“I believe it’s a bit daft,” the croco-diamond stage whispered to the giant man. “Help the dear thing to its seat!”
So the giant man opened the passenger door of the ticky tap tap and helped the kangawrong inside. Its tail made a sproing brrroing proiiing noise as the giant man attempted to arrange it comfortably in the cab.
Which covered up the sounds of the croco-diamond eating the crumbs of the cringle crisps. Munch munch crunch. He was being very quiet.
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